Learn To Love Again
by WakeUpSunshine
Summary: Ryan Atwood found himself widowed with two children the night his daughter was born. He stops believing in love that night. Until Taylor Townsend comes back into his life.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm currently unsure where Three Cheers For Five Year's is going so I started this one. I know I should probably be focusing on that one but I've got a lot of time on my hands this summer. So here goes nothing. Hope you like it!**

"This is all a big joke right? It is April 1st. Tell me this is a joke." Ryan Atwood was standing in the middle of the hospital in Los Angles, California. His brother had just told him his wife was dead. His amazing wife of five years was dead. "Ryan." Summer, his brothers wife, said. "Where's Noah?" Ryan asked for his son, Noah was two. "In the waiting room with mom and dad. Ryan don't you want to see the baby though?" Seth was starting to get scared, Ryan had that look in his eye the one that Seth hadn't seen in years. "She killed Sadie" is all he said before stalking down the hall to his son. Ryan didn't acknowledge his foster parents presence, instead he picked up his young son and left the hospital. Ryan was hurting. He wasn't sure he'd ever recover from this.

It had been exactly five years since that night. The night he lost his wife and gained a daughter. "Daddy" a hand tugged on the bottom of his shirt. "Yes Claire?" he looked down at her as he put the five candles on her pink birthday cake. "Noah said mommy died because of me." Ryan stopped putting the candles on the cake. He tried looking at Claire before walking out the back door to his son.

"Noah Cohen Atwood get inside now!" he yelled glaring at the eight year old blue eyed boy. He watched his son take a gulp of his soda before walking into the house.

"Claire go find your aunt Summer, please?"

"but daddy she's playing with Vivi and I don't wanna play with them" Claire whined. "Claire Jade Atwood, I need to talk to your brother right now! Go!" he told his five year old sternly. She tried to say something but Ryan stopped her. "Claire, unless you want to spend your birthday in your room I suggest you go outside. Go find Uncle Seth if you need to." Ryan Atwood was not in the mood to deal with his whiny daughter right then. Claire gave Ryan a pout before running out the back door screaming "Uncle Sethy!"

"Sit." Ryan pointed to the kitchen table chair. "Dad…" Noah started but Ryan quickly interrupted. "Tell me why you would say that to your little sister." He sat down opposite Noah. Noah just shrugged the ever popular Atwood shrug.

"That is not the answer I want. Noah, she's five. You can't say things like that. I don't even want you thinking things like that." He stared at his dark haired son. Ryan had always pictured his kids with blonde hair. Although they both had Sadie's dark hair they had Ryan's blue eyes.

"But dad it's true! If Claire wasn't born mom would still be here!" Noah stood up from his chair. "Sit back down. I'm not done." Ryan told him firmly with a clenched jaw. He couldn't believe his ears. He wasn't even sure how Noah knew how Sadie died. Noah sat down looked down at his feet before he sat back down.

Just as Ryan was about to say something Seth burst into the kitchen with blood running from his forehead. "Seth, what happened?" Ryan eyed his brother. "Your daughter inherited your fighting skills." He said running for the sink. Ryan shook his head not knowing what to do next.

"Claire did that?" Noah's eyes grew big when Seth showed them the damage Ryan's five year old did to his head. "She sure did, now ask how because it's an interesting story." Seth pressed a towel to the cut. "Do I even want to know?" Ryan rolled his eyes not wanting to have to yell at his little girl again. Today just wasn't his day.

"She tackled me and hit me with a plastic bat." Seth said laughing the whole time. "A five year old tackled you?" Ryan gave him a strange look. "Yeah, I don't know how it happened either. She's strong." He said before looking at the blood on the towel. Ryan watched as Seth's face paled.

"Uncle Sethy." Claire came bursting into the kitchen. "Oh God, your daughter scares me." Seth looked at Ryan before heading out the back door to the rest of the family. Sandy and Kirsten were out there playing with Seth and Summer's four kids.

"May I ask why you hit your uncle?" Ryan asked putting her on his lap. "I don't know." There was that shrug again. "I should have taught you two a different answer." He laughed. He looked at his two kids realizing that he just couldn't stay mad at either of them. They were his life, his everything.

"Taylor's here!" Summer came running through the house. Ryan watched as his sister-in-law made a dash for the front door. Ryan got Claire up from his lap before walking to the front door after Summer.

He watched as the two hugged, Ryan hadn't seen Taylor Townsend since graduation day. She looked different. Much different but not in a bad way. "Sum!" She cried before they broke apart. "Ryan you remember Taylor Townsend." Summer smiled. "Of course." Ryan stuff his hands in his front pockets unsure of what to say. This was the girl who helped get him kicked out of Harbor, she was also the one who helped him get back in.

"Daddy." Claire walked up behind them. He looked back at his shy daughter. "I can't believe Ryan Atwood is a daddy." Taylor let out a small laugh. Her laugh alone made a chill run over Ryan's body.

_God, she's beautiful. _Ryan thought to himself. _What am I thinking? I'm still in love with Sadie! I can't think something like that. _

"_Dad, can we eat cake now?" Noah asked walking into the now silent room. "Sure, kid." He smiled back at his eight year old. "Two kids?" Taylor lifted an eyebrow. _

_Ryan watched as Summer exited the room. He wasn't even sure why Taylor was standing in front of him, let alone why Summer was so excited that she was here. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Some reason this chapter was hard to write, that is why it's not too long. Chapter 3 will be longer and will probably be up by tomorrow! Thank you for the reviews!**

Chapter 2

It had taken Ryan two weeks to even look at his daughter after Sadie died. Two weeks for him to realize it wasn't Claire's fault. Looking into his daughters innocent blue eyes he fell in love. He promised himself that was the last time he would ever fall in love again. He would go through hell to keep this girl safe, no matter what.

So why exactly was he sitting here thinking about Taylor Townsend of all people. He hadn't even seen the girl in ten years so why now did he have a sudden attraction to her.

"Daddy, are you ready?" He was pushed from his thoughts by his daughter. April 14th, the day he took his daughter to Sadie's grave. It happened every April 14th since the day he actually started taking care of Claire. It was something he did with Claire. He took Noah on a different day but this day was special for him and Claire. "Yeah, where's your brother?" Ryan grabbed his keys from the table next to the door.

"Being stupid." Claire giggled. "Don't say stupid, Claire." Ryan looked at her sternly but it didn't work.

"Uncle Sethy said it!" She folded her arms around her chest giving Ryan her cute pout.

"Come on." He laughed walking towards Noah's room. Ryan walked into the familiar bedroom. The room that Sadie insisted Ryan paint before they even knew they were having a son.

"_So what color?" Ryan asked his wife. "Dark blue, he'll grow out of light blue before he even gets to be two." Sadie said resting her hand on her stomach. "What if it isn't a boy?" Ryan asked of her after they left the hardware store with the paint. "It is, trust me."_

"Noah are you ready?" "Yeah, let me get my bag." The little boy told Ryan. Ryan just nodded taking Claire's hand as they walked to the front door.

"Was mommy pretty?" Ryan and Claire had just arrived at the cemetery after dropping Noah off at Seth and Summer's. Ryan crouched down to be closer to his daughter as he pulled her into a hug.

"Beautiful, just like you." He kissed her small cheek before staring at Sadie's tombstone. "Will I ever get to meet her?" The innocent brunette asked. "One day, a long long time from now." He whispered to her.

"Ryan?" Claire and Ryan both turned around. Ryan still at eye level with his daughter looked up to find Taylor Townsend standing in front of them. Somehow Ryan fell speechless just looking at Taylor.

"You were at my birthday!" Claire giggled detaching herself from Ryan. "I was. It was a very nice birthday, too." Taylor smiled.

"What are you doing here?" Ryan asked standing up. He wasn't sure what to think exactly. Ever since that Claire's birthday party Ryan hadn't been able to get Taylor out of his mind. Every time he had any alone time it was spent dreaming about Taylor and he wasn't even sure why.

"Same reason you are, except for a different person." She gave him a half smile.

"We are visiting my mommy, she died. Noah said I did it but daddy told me that I didn't." Claire shared. Ryan looked down at his little girl who was now shuffling her feet with a frown on her little face. "Claire-bear, what's wrong?" Ryan asked picking the girl up. "I want a mommy." She whispered. Ryan pulled her close to his him.

"Claire, you have a mommy. Even though she might not be here right now, she's watching you from Heaven." He said oblivious to the fact that Taylor was still standing there. "Really?" She asked him. "Really." He kissed her forehead. The little girl got down to the ground content with Ryan's answer, at least for now.

"Sorry" Ryan felt himself blush when he realized Taylor was still there. "It's fine." Taylor gave him a wide smile which in turn made his body shiver. He wasn't sure how just a simple smile could do that to him.

"We were just going to get some lunch if you want to join us, that is if Claire doesn't mind." Ryan asked Taylor before looking down at a beaming Claire. "I don't mind!" Claire yelled.

"I would love to." Ryan watched as Taylor turned around and walked towards her car. "I can meet you there. Where are we going?" She asked over her shoulder. Ryan explained to her the restaurant before walking to his own vehicle.

"Since mommy isn't really here, can Taylor be my new mommy?" With Claire's newest question Ryan started regretting asking Taylor to lunch. As his heart dropped he clutched the steering wheel without answering his little girl in the backseat.


	3. Chapter 3

**I know this chapter is short too, but i posted it alot sooner than I thought I would. I'm working on chapter 4 which I plan on putting up as soon as i'm done with it! I'm getting a really good response for this story! Oh and more Seth/Claire in the next chapter it just didn't fit in this one. Enjoy!**

Chapter 3

Before entering the restaurant Ryan called Summer. "Why'd you invite Taylor to Claire's party?" He didn't even wait for Summer to say hello. "What are you talking about?" He could tell in her voice that she knew. "Summer, don't play dumb with me. There's a reason you invited her. Just tell me already." He looked in the backseat to find Claire sleeping. He watched as she took breath after breath her little chest rising and falling. He spent a lot of his time watching her sleep and making sure she was okay.

"Look it's been five years since Sadie died, you need someone. Don't give me that crap that you haven't moved on either. Do you really want to live alone for the rest of your life?"

"I'm not alone, I have Claire and Noah." Summer of course always had something up her sleeve he should have known. He should have known that Summer wouldn't have just invited Taylor for no reason to his house. "Yeah, but what happens when they get older and leave?" She asked. "That's a long time from now. Summer, I'm not going to date Taylor so stop whatever you are doing." He tried to keep his voice low so he wouldn't wake Claire but it just wasn't working. He was furious with Summer. "Whatever." She said hanging up on him.

If Claire wasn't in the car he would have thrown the phone as hard as possible. "We are here, baby." He shook her from her slumber. Ryan took a deep breath before getting out of the car. He was now going to have to face Taylor, tell her nicely that they could only be friends and nothing more. But when he saw her again he got the urge to be something much more than friends.

"So, who exactly were you visiting at the cemetery today?" Ryan asked Taylor. They had all just sat down at a table together.

Instead of answering him Taylor started talking to Claire. Ryan watched Taylor with a confused look on his face, he was now more curious as to why she was exactly there. He hoped to God it wasn't Summer's doing. Ryan sat quietly through the whole lunch. He listened as his daughter talked to Taylor. Claire had Kirsten and Summer in her life, so why did she need a mother?

"Daddy can Taylor come to our house with us?" Claire asked before they left the restaurant. He didn't know what to tell her. So he stood there looking dumbfounded before Taylor went to say something.

"If she wants she can." He let a smile escape his lips. He wasn't sure what he was doing. He wasn't sure why he was even doing it. But he was and for some reason he wasn't stopping it.

"That would be nice." Taylor smiled at him. Once again that smile sent shivers down his body. Ryan rushed around his living room picking up all of the trash they had somehow let accumulate in the past two days. He looked around once more before he headed to answer the doorbell. There she stood once again smiling.

"I thought you would never get here!" Claire giggled grabbing Taylor's hand and pulling her inside the house. Ryan rubbed his forehead before following Claire and Taylor to his daughters pink room. Claire showed Taylor all of her toys before letting Taylor's hand go. "Come on, she can play by herself." Ryan told Taylor walking out of the room. He didn't know what he was doing to himself letting her stay there. Letting her into their lives, she'd only leave like everyone else. Not only would she break Ryan's heart but in the end she'd also break Claire's or even Noah's.

"What have you been up to since Graduation?" Ryan asked Taylor as they sat down on the couch together. Ryan had to move his leg so it wouldn't touch hers, he couldn't handle her touch yet. "Everything, life has been a huge mess since that day. College, love, lose." She smiled not really telling him.

He just nodded, he knew how it was to not talk or want to talk. Truthfully he would say the same thing when she asked him how it's been since high school. He watched as she moved her hands nervously across her legs. He watched as she absently pulled a piece of her hair behind her ear. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her.

"What's wrong?" She asked when he stood up from the couch. He couldn't handle watching her or sitting by her anymore.

"What's going on? I mean why did you come to Claire's party?" He couldn't not ask, it'd been eating him alive. She let out a small laugh before looking into his eyes. It took everything in Ryan to pull himself away from her eyes. It was like those hazel eyes were seeing through to his soul.

"Summer invited me. I wasn't going to come but she insisted saying I need to get out more. She told me everything about your family and I just had to see how you were doing with my own two eyes." She flashed him another smile.

"Oh." He said sitting back down realizing maybe he had been over reacting. Taylor looked over at him. He wasn't sure how it happened but it did, he wasn't sure how their faces were almost touching but they were. He leaned in deeper as he kissed her lips. He could feel the pain in them, he could feel her emotions until he it had gotten too much and he was brought back into reality. He pulled away from her standing up and pacing the room.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry Ryan." Taylor said getting up and grabbing her purse before rushing for the door. "I'm sorry, I can't do this." He stopped her. She just nodded before leaving Ryan standing in his living room alone.


	4. Chapter 4

**This is ALOT shorter than I had wanted it to be. Sorry about that, but I do plan on having chapter 5 up ASAP! enjoy, oh and yes Taylor's got skeletons in her closet, lots of them. They won't come out yet, not for a few more chapters though!**

Chapter 4

"I'm sorry Ryan." Summer Roberts-Cohen walked into Ryan's kitchen that night. Ryan only shrugged putting the dishes in the dishwasher. "Don't shrug at me, Ryan. Talk to me. What happened?" Ryan dropped a plate on the floor before leaving Summer alone in the kitchen. He didn't want to talk, he just wanted to be alone.

"Noah go get a bath." Ryan told his son before he stalked off to Claire's bedroom.

"Claire-bear can I talk to you?" He knocked on the doorframe to catch her attention. She nodded as she laid her doll down on the floor in front of her. "I'm sorry that your mommy isn't here, Claire. But Taylor isn't and can't be your mommy." He laid it out flatly to her as he sat down on her small bed. She just looked at him with her blue eyes before standing up and walking over to him.

"Why not?" She asked sitting next to him. Ryan didn't know how to answer that so he just asked "Why do you want her to be your mommy so bad?" He pulled her closer to him. "I don't know, daddy. Everybody has a mommy I just want one too."

"I already told you that you do have a mommy." He tried. "But she's not here, so I might as well not have a mommy at all." Ryan's heart was breaking with every word the little girl was saying. He didn't know how to fix this, he couldn't. The only way for her to have a mommy is if he had a wife and that was not ever going to happen, not again. He was not going to lose another woman he loved.

"Ryan can I talk to you?" He realized Summer was standing at Claire's door. He just nodded leaving Claire to sit alone on her bed.

"She told me what happened." Summer simply stated when they were in Ryan's living room. "I don't know what got over me…I can't fall for Taylor." He whispered pulling a hand through his blonde hair. "Why not?" Summer put her hands on her hips.

"Where is Seth?" Ryan asked ignoring her question. "With the kids, they'll be here in a little bit. Now, do you mind telling why you can't fall for her?"

"Actually Summer I do mind, so let's just drop this. Ok?"

"She's gone Ryan, there's nothing you can do about it. Not living your life to the fullest is not what she would have wanted from you. She'd want you to find someone who would love your kids as much as she did."

"Yeah, well what happens when Taylor leaves? Because you know she will! Everyone leaves, Summer." So there was his reason, it was clearly painted across his face before but no one ever wanted to admit it.

Just as he said that there was a knock on his door. Standing in front of him was Taylor. "I'm sorry for last night, I really am. I hope this doesn't mess up our friendship." She blurted before he could even think. He just shook his head all the while watching her stand there look uncomfortable.

"Atwood aren't you going to let her in?" Summer jolted him from the silence. "Oh, yeah sorry about that." He blushed a little opening the door wide enough for her to enter.

"Taylor!" Claire ran out of her room almost knocking Taylor down with her forceful hug. "Hey sweetie." Taylor smiled hugging the little girl back.

"Are you staying this time? You just left yesterday daddy looked so sad when I asked him where you were." Claire tugged at Taylor's arm as Taylor looked over at Ryan. He held her gaze for awhile before realizing what he was doing. He had to stop, he couldn't do this to himself or his children. He had to figure a way to get Taylor out of their life before any of them started to get attached to her.

"You were sad?" Summer slapped his shoulder. "Jeeze, Summer." He glared at her not just for the slap but for what she asked. "We are going to talk about this later!" She yelled before walking out for the front door. "Wait I thought Seth was coming over." He said hoping his body language told her she couldn't leave him alone with Taylor. He was too scared about what would happen. "Plans change, come over tomorrow night for dinner. See ya later, Taylor. You can come too." Summer smiled slipping out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Yes, I am posting quickly. haha, but to clear up the AU. It was supposed to be AU or that's atleast where I was going and then it didn't go that way so I forgot to take it off of the summery for this story. So no this story is not AU. anyway, thank you for the reviews and whatnot. **

**onward with the story-**

Chapter 5

"Let me get the kids to bed and then we can…talk." He said not meeting her eyes for fear of getting lost in the moment again.

"I don't regret kissing you." She said when he walked back into the living room after putting his kids to bed. "The thing is I do. I'm still in love with Sadie, to be honest you're the first person I've kissed since she died. Kissing you freaked me out because I felt something and I was sad because I knew that I couldn't kiss you again." He confessed to her. She sat back on the couch taking it all in as he walked over and sat next to her.

"Why can't you?" She turned looking at him.

"Because you'll leave. And because I'm still in love with my dead wife." He told her honestly. She just nodded twisting her fingers together like she was contemplating what to say next.

She didn't say anything instead she leaned in and kissed him. "We can't." He whispered against her lips kissing back with as much passion as she was. "We can and we are." She leaned back to take him all in.

"I haven't…" He trailed off. "Are you serious?" She asked him wide-eyed. He just nodded looking down at his hands. "Then we are definitely doing this." She giggled pulling him back for another kiss. "I don't know if I can."

"Just sex, no strings attached. Promise." She told him but the look in her eyes didn't go with what she said, the look in her eyes told him a totally different story. He just nodded not knowing exactly why he was agreeing to such a thing but he was and he wasn't ready to stop it either.

Ryan was woken up the next morning by a small finger tapping on his shoulder. He looked over to find Claire smiling at him. "Daddy, Noah said that we're going to be late for school if you don't wake up. And daddy?" She looked at him with a questionable look. He hadn't looked over to his side, he hadn't realized that Taylor is in fact cuddled up against him. "Yes?" He asked rubbing his eyes trying to adjust to the sun coming through the blinds. "Why is Taylor in your bed?"

It suddenly all flooded back to him, everything that happened the night before. "Claire, tell Noah to get you some breakfast." Ryan said hoping to not sound too desperate to get her out of there. Claire just nodded and skipped out of the room seeming okay without an answer to her question.

"Taylor" He turned around on his other side to face her. He needed to her to wake up so she could leave. He wasn't ready for the questions he figured his kids would be throwing at him but it would be easier without her there. First he would be giving her the friend speech and make sure that what happened the previous night meant nothing. But Ryan knew Taylor, or at least he used to and the Taylor he used to know would want more, he wasn't ready or willing to give her more. Or anyone for that matter.

She quickly opened her eyes and smiled at him as she scooted closer. "You have to go." He told her sternly. If she kept doing what she was doing then he wouldn't want her to leave, but she couldn't stay not now not ever. He was not about to give his heart away again and lose someone he loved. Not again, he wouldn't be able to handle it.

"What time is it?" Taylor jumped up as if she finally realized the sun was out. "7:15" He told her then he took a deep breath to start talking. "Last night was a mistake…that I don't plan on making ever again. I'm sorry we can't be more than just friends, but that's just how it has to be. You can be in my life and the kids life but you and I can't have a romantic relationship it has to stay strictly platonic."

"I understand, I knew last night that it didn't mean anything." She didn't meet his gaze instead she looked down at her feet. "I'm sorry, I really am." He tried but when he went to reach for her arm she pulled it away and started pulling her clothes on. He watched her stalk out of the room with her head down and her hair covering her face so he couldn't see the tears that were now running down her cheeks. But he did see them.

"Why was Taylor crying?" Claire and her curious self asked when Ryan walked into the kitchen. "I don't know." He lied.

Ryan looked over at Noah who was playing with his cereal instead of eating it. "What's wrong?" Ryan sat next to him with a cup of coffee. "Nothing." He shrugged. "There's something, come on Noah you can talk to me." Ryan tried. "I'm going to get finished getting ready for school." Noah jumped up from his chair and walked out of the kitchen quickly.

"Daddy why are you making everyone sad today?" Claire asked sitting next to Ryan at the table. "I don't know, baby." He smiled over at her. "Well you don't make me sad." He giggled hugging him tightly. "I don't ever want to make my little girl sad." He said kissing the top of her head.

"I'm sorry I'm late." Ryan told his boss as he laid his briefcase on his desk.

"Don't worry about it." Scott Johnson shrugged. After college Ryan started working for Scott in LA, where he became head architect of Scott's company. It was a huge accomplishment in Ryan's life, one he didn't get to share with Sadie. Noah was 5 and Claire was 2 when he got the promotion. At first it was difficult taking care of two kids and having such a strict job but Summer and Seth ended up moving to LA to help Ryan out. They only had one kid when they moved out there but within three years they had three more, their twins being the youngest.

"So, I was dropping my son off at school when Claire comes up to me," Seth walked into Ryan's office "You know since they are the same age, well just so happens your little girl asked why Taylor was naked in your bed."

"Oh dead God." Ryan put his head in his hands as he turned a dark shade of red. He couldn't believe Claire had seen Taylor in his bed. She hadn't told him that she saw her naked. Seth just sat there laughing at him.

"Care to explain? Ryan I need details you're not allowed to leave me hanging since I already pretty much have it figured out by your daughter's little question earlier."

"Seth, I don't know what happened. It just…one thing led to another you know how that goes. And then I get woken up by Claire not even remembering what happened the night before. Taylor was sleeping still. How do I explain this to her?"

"You know just tell her the truth. Daddy needed some because mommy's no longer around." Seth went to laugh but soon shut his mouth by the death glare he was getting from his brother. "I need to get to work, call me later and tell me how it goes with your evil little girl."

"She's not evil." Ryan said as Seth slipped out of Ryan's office leaving Ryan with his thoughts.


	6. Chapter 6

**Nothing to say here, so on with the story!**

Chapter 6

"So do you want to tell me what you were so upset about this morning?" Ryan asked his son. He had just picked the kids up from school and they were on their way home before going to Seth and Summers. Ryan had forgotten that Taylor would be there. "Nothing, dad." Noah said coldly.

"Well we're going to your aunt and uncle's for dinner tonight." Ryan tried to get some sort of response from Noah but there was nothing. Ryan parked his car in their small driveway before getting out to help Claire out. "Noah, don't go anywhere." Ryan told the blue eyed boy before he ran off to his room.

"Are you going to yell at Noah? Can I watch?" Claire jumped up and down with a large smile spread across her small face.

"You've been hanging out with your uncle far too much." Ryan laughed rubbing his forehead. "I need to talk to Noah in private so why don't you go play on your swing set." That was all he had to say before she ran out the door forgetting about Ryan and Noah.

"I don't want to talk, dad." Noah plopped down on the couch grabbing for the remote. "Turn that off." Ryan told him. "Why?" Noah spat back at him. Hearing Noah's tone of voice made Ryan step back a little. He'd never heard his son sound so angry.

"Tell me what's wrong." Ryan tried again. "Is Taylor going to move in with us?" His question caught Ryan off guard. "No, why do you ask that?" Ryan sat down next to him. "She was here this morning in your bed. Dad…" He trailed off. "What's wrong?" He looked at the boy watching him become uncomfortable under his father's gaze. "I want a mom too." He whispered.

Hearing his other kid say that broke his heart, again. He didn't know what to say, there was nothing he could say. Nothing he said would come out the way his kids would want it so he just sat there silent contemplating on his next move.

"I heard you tell Taylor that you guys could never be anything…and I guess I got mad because Claire and I both talked about it and we think Taylor would be a good mom." So there it was, laid right in front of Ryan making his heart sink more and more. Ryan leaned over and put his head in his hands pulling at his hair. He didn't know what to do or what to say exactly.

"You've barely even spoken to her." Ryan looked over at him. "I can just tell, plus Claire really likes her." Noah looked around the room.

Ryan got up from the couch and walked into his backyard where Claire was sliding down her little plastic slide, the one that he and Sadie had bought for Noah when he was little. He just couldn't let her go. Especially when he looked at his kids, who were both almost the spitting image of her all but their eyes. "Claire can I talk to you now?"

"Yes daddy!" She cried running over to him. She sat down on a patio chair before pulling her up into his lap. "What's wrong?" She asked him. "Nothing, I just want to talk to you about this morning." He said starting to get a little nervous.

"Oh it's okay! Uncle Sethy said that when grown ups really love each other that's what they do. They sleep in the same bed….naked." Claire whispered the last word as her little cheeks turned a shade of pink. "Did he now?" Ryan made a note to talk to Seth about that later. "Yupp, so does that mean you love Taylor?" Claire's face brightened up.

"We should really be getting to Seth and Summer's. Come on." He ignored her question causing her smile to fade away. "But daddy…" She trailed off.

"I'm going to kill your husband." Ryan paced Summer and Seth's kitchen. "Join the club." She laughed cutting up a tomato. "Did he tell you what happened?" Ryan asked her. "With Taylor? Of course he told me. Since when do you think that Seth wouldn't tell me?" She turned around to face Ryan. "Yeah, did he tell you my daughters question?" He asked. "Yes, he said he handled it. Oh no, what'd he say?" Summer knew by the look on Ryan's face that whatever Seth had told her was completely wrong.

"He told her that when two people love each other that they sleep in the same bed together naked. Well, Claire went with that and asked if I was in love with Taylor. Summer, you don't understand these kids are like working together for Taylor and I to get together. Even Noah's in on it. It's freaking me out even more because I'm seeing how attached they are getting. How do I tell them that she'll leave just like everyone else? How do I say that in the end if they get attached to her their heart will only be broken."

"That's it Atwood!" Summer pointed a knife at him. "What's it? And don't point that knife at me."

"I'm tired of it. Not everyone leaves. Seth didn't leave, I haven't left. Sandy and Kirsten are still around. Stop thinking everyone you get close to is going to just up and leave you, not everyone leaves! Don't you think they deserve a mother?" Summer ranted.

"Of course they deserve a mother, they deserve Sadie." Ryan sighed leaning up against the counter.

"Well Sadie isn't here. So you're going to have to figure something else out." Summer spat at him.

Ryan ran his hand through his hair before leaving Summer behind in the kitchen. Seth walked into the front door with Taylor trailing behind him.

"Look who I found pacing our front door." Seth laughed walking towards Ryan.

Ryan didn't look at her instead he walked towards the back where all of the kids were. "She was naked?!" Ryan heard Seth and Summer's little boy, Kyle yell from his bedroom. "Yes!" Claire told him. Ryan walked into the bedroom to find the two kids sitting on the floor talking.

"What are you two talking about?" He lifted his eyebrow at the two. "Nothing daddy." Claire gave him a sweet smile. "Didn't sound like nothing." He folded his arms and leaned up against the door frame. Kyle just looked up at Ryan with a smile. Kyle was only two months older than Claire. They were in the same class at school.

"What's going on in here?" Seth walked into the room next to Ryan. "Well I'm pretty sure they were discussing what you told Claire this morning." Ryan shot Seth a glare. "What was I supposed to say?" They walked out of the room and down the hall. "I don't know, Seth. You could have told her to ask me!" Ryan said getting angry. "Why are you so angry about this?" Seth turned around and looked at him. "Because they want Taylor to be their mother!" He yelled almost too loud.


	7. Chapter 7

**Super short post. on purpose. but this is just dipping into Taylor's past. A tiny bit. But chapter 8 is going full into it. I'm going to make it from Taylor's pov, too. Time for an OC marathon with my best friend! Enjoy!**

Chapter 7

It'd been two months since Ryan's outburst at Summer and Seth's. Ryan had turned around to go back into the living room to only find Taylor shutting the front door behind her. As much as he had wanted to go after her, he just couldn't get his legs to go so he stayed put. He didn't move. He just watched her from the window as she drove away.

Ryan had gained a death glare from Summer and the silent treatment from his kids that night. Two hours later the kids had finally caved in and started talking to him but Summer was still pissed.

Every morning before school Claire would wake up and walk into Ryan's room asking if Taylor was there, those same mornings Ryan would always have to tell her no. She'd look at her feet and ask why. He never answered her. Because truthfully he didn't even know why.

Ryan was woken up by a knock on his front door. It was only five a.m. on a Saturday morning. "Who is at my door?" He mumbled throwing the covers off of himself and stumbling to the front door.

It was Taylor. By the look on her face she had been crying. Before he could drink the sight of her, things were being thrown at him. "You're not the only one with problems, Ryan! You're not the only one who has a past and has to get over things!" She screamed. Good thing the kids were staying with Kirsten and Sandy that weekend.

"What?" He asked trying to register what was exactly going on. She took a plastic bag and dumped the contents our right there. "Fifteen of them! All fifteen of them are positive! All of them!" She screamed. Ryan was starting to get nervous. He looked down and finally noticed what the objects were, pregnancy tests. He just looked up at Taylor as tears ran down her face.

"The last time I did this, I had a son. I had a beautiful son. For three years I had a son." She cried. Ryan was confused. He got closer to her and he finally wrapped his arms around her. Even though she was fighting him the whole time he was able to close the front door and get her to the couch.

"I loved him so much, he meant everything to me. Then he was just torn out of my life for no reason! He was innocent it wasn't his fault I didn't love his father! None of it was." She cried into Ryan's arms. He just sat there comforting her trying to figure out what was going on inside of her. He didn't say a word letting her talk.

"How do you hurt a living breathing child? Why did he take my son from me? Why me?" She just stayed there in his arms.

"Is that why you left? After what I said? Is he the reason you were at the cemetery that day?" He was finally able to ask. She just nodded into his chest.

"Can you tell me how it happened?" Ryan asked her. "I shouldn't have even come here, I shouldn't have mentioned anything." She said suddenly standing up.

"Don't go." Ryan pulled on her arm. She looked back at him with a shy smile before sitting back down. "I won't, but I can't tell you everything. Not yet."

"I'm here when never you're ready but can I ask you something?" He grabbed for her hand. "Go ahead." She whispered. "Why were you throwing pregnancy sticks at me?"


	8. Chapter 8

**This was super hard to write, and I still don't think I captured it the way I wanted to. But this is the best I could do giving the situation that's going in Taylor's life. Anyway next chapter Kirsten and Sandy will be showing up. **

Chapter 8

Taylor knew she should tell him why, but all she could do was laugh. "I don't find this very funny." Ryan told her all the while smiling. "You don't? Then why are you smiling?" She needed the mood to be better, it had gotten too morbid. Too much for her to handle. "Because you look so cute when you laugh." The butterflies in Taylor's stomach started to act up again, or was that nausea?

"I can't decide if I need to throw up or if I want to kiss you right now." She smiled at him.

"Well, maybe you should throw up first. I really don't want you puking in my mouth." She just laughed at him but then it hit her and she realized she really did need to throw up. "Hold that thought." She held her finger up before running to the bathroom. She hadn't done this in six years. Somehow this feeling felt right as terrible as it was, she had loved being pregnant with her son. Even before he was born he had become the love of her life. She put all of her love into that boy and none into his father.

"So I take it you really are pregnant." Ryan stood in the doorway against the frame. She just nodded as he handed her a towel to wipe off her mouth. "And it's mine?" He asked her. Once again all Taylor could do was nod. "Well Claire and Noah are going to be ecstatic." He said helping her up from the floor.

"Your kids are amazing. I love being around them. it's like I have my life back when I'm around them.. The way it should be with my son." She looked down at her feet. Taylor let Ryan pull her into a hug "I'm so pathetic." She let out a small laugh against his shoulder. He just shook his head holding her. Somehow just holding her made Taylor feel better about everything in her life. She fit perfectly in his arms.

"I haven't held anyone like this since Sadie." He confessed. "I haven't let anyone touch me since my ex-boyfriend." She whispered into his ear.

Somehow later that morning Taylor had found herself falling asleep in Ryan's arms. "Hey sleepy head." Taylor opened her eyes to find Ryan watching her. "Were you watching me?" She snuggled closer to his body. "For the past five minutes, waiting for you to wake up. I need to call Kirsten and Sandy to check on the kids then we can go get some lunch." He kissed her forehead before getting out of the bed. Taylor tried to find warmth again but it wasn't happening without him next to her. She had forgotten how it was to wake up in Ryan's arms.

"So how are we going to tell them?" Taylor asked Ryan as they sat down at a small diner near Ryan's house. She watched as he became slightly nervous.

"What's wrong?" Taylor asked. "I don't know, it's all so new. I'm…really scared to be honest. I mean…after losing Sadie when she gave birth to Claire, it just freaks me out whenever someone goes into labor." Taylor reached for his hand. "I've done it before, I'm going to be okay." She tried to assure him. "Sadie had done it before too." He reminded her. Taylor just nodded before releasing her hand from his.

"They get back tomorrow night, Sandy and Kirsten are going to be staying at the house tomorrow night too, so I guess we can tell them then too." "Good idea."

"How are we going to do this?" Ryan finally asked. Taylor had been too scared to ask him before. "I'm not so sure. You'll definitely be in the baby's life. I wouldn't have it any other way. Of course the baby will be living with me…" She trailed off trying to find something in his eyes. Some sort of sign. What she really wanted was him to ask her to move in. It would make it all a lot easier, but she wasn't going to push him. "Of course." He nodded looking a little bit uncomfortable with the conversation even though he had brought it up.

"Are you okay? I mean you look like you're upset about something." "It's just I can't picture myself letting you take care of the baby alone. I want to be there fully. But I don't know if I'm ready to take that giant leap asking you to move in with the kids and I." He confessed. Taylor smiled at him. "I want to take things slow with us, and moving in is far from slow, Ry." She smiled trying to make him believe what she was saying.

"So we're going to give us a try? It's going to be really hard for me though, Taylor."

"You'll learn to love again, Ryan. I can promise you that."

"Will you teach me?" He smiled over her. There were those butterflies again, this time she knew for sure it wasn't nausea.

"I think I'm ready." She said after they walked out of the diner. "For what?" She watched as he looked at her confused. "To talk about my son…" She trailed off. Ryan gave her a half smile while they fell into a comfortable silence walking back to Ryan's house.

They walked into Ryan's house still silent as they made their way to the couch. Ryan pulled Taylor close to him before she started talking.

"I don't know where to start. I guess it all started when I met Gavin's father. I was alone in France. I had no one, he was there. He hit me a lot before I even got pregnant but I stayed. I stayed because I had no where else to go. I couldn't run back to my mom or to you. You had moved on by then. Then Gavin came. I had never in my life loved someone like I loved him, even before he was born he had become my everything. I put all of my love into him and none into my ex. He hit Gavin, that made me break up with him. I moved to LA to get away from his father. While I finished up school and went to work I hired a babysitter. One afternoon I came home…" She started crying.

"You don't have to do this, Taylor." Ryan pulled her even closer. She did have to though, she needed to get this out. To finally talk about it. She hadn't talked about it since he died, she had always refused.

"I do, Ryan. I found Gavin's babysitter in the middle of my living room dead. I freaked, called an ambulance before I even checked on my son. He had just turned three the day before…From the door it looked like he was just sleeping. He looked peaceful, but that was from the door. He must have been taking his nap when it happened because he was still cuddled up to his favorite bear…I got closer…he had…" It was harder than she thought it would be. Much harder. Ryan ran his fingers through her hair. She felt safe in his arms right then. Safer than she had felt in the past ten years.

"He had been shot in his head three times…" She couldn't go on. She began crying harder even with Ryan's arms around her. She needed to cry. Maybe she could finally move on, maybe she could live her life again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Ok, I should clear some things up. Sorry for confusing anyone! Yes, Taylor and Ryan had a relationship before. I was going to make it where he hadn't had one with Taylor yet and then I realized it'd make more sense for Summer to bring her other if he had. Sorry about that. For some odd reason it took me a long time to write this. It's sort of just a fill in chapter for what's to come. so...enjoy!**

Chapter 9

"I can't do this." Ryan shot up out of bed the next morning. Taylor had slept over again, they hadn't talked about anything of importance the rest of the afternoon. "What?" He watched as she opened her eyes and he began to pace. "We can't be together, it's too soon. I…I think we should really just stay friends. At least for now. We have seven months to even think about what's going to happen when the baby gets here. I'm going for a run can you be…"

"Gone when you get back? Yeah I think I can manage that." She sighed. Her eyes looked sad, he just couldn't jump into this. There was too much to lose. "I thought we were telling everyone." She said before he left. "We were…but I can do it alone. I'm sorry. I just can't…let this all sink in. Please." He looked at her before he left the room. He didn't know how he was going to handle everything.

Just like she said, she was gone. Part of him was relieved but the other part had wished she would have stayed. He knew he couldn't keep jerking her around. It just seemed one second he wanted something with Taylor and then the next he felt guilty, like he was cheating on Sadie

. She had told him something last night that he couldn't get out of his head though. He couldn't understand how someone could hurt their own flesh and blood. He couldn't even imagine hurting his children. They meant everything, he would kill for those two.

Ryan sat on the edge of his bed wondering how he had gotten here. How he had possibly just pushed someone out of his life that would make it whole again. He just wasn't sure if he could handle it all, not again. He wasn't sure why he was acting this way. He wasn't the only one hurting or trying to get past something, now he knew that Taylor was too. Part of him needed her to get past this just like she needed him to get past what she was going through with her son.

"Do you mind telling me why Taylor came to my house at 8 this morning crying her eyes out." Summer barged into Ryan's room.

"How'd you get in here?" He asked. "You gave Seth a key!" She said holding it up. "I should have known I'd regret that." He groaned.

"That's not the point, Ryan! The point here is one of my best friends came running into my house this morning crying and not making any sense whatsoever. I figured you were to blame for this! After she told you what happened to her son, how could you Ryan?" Summer's face was red with anger.

"You knew?" He wondered out loud.

"Not until she came over this morning, she had kept it a secret from everything. You were the first person she told besides her mother! I can't believe you." Summer pointed her finger in his face.

"Summer…I'm sorry I just can't do this right now." He tried walking past her. "Oh no you don't! You are going to sit right back on that bed and tell me what is going on!"

"Stay out of this, Summer! Just leave it alone! Let me deal with this. It's all your fault she's back in my life anyway. If you wouldn't have brought her here for Claire's birthday I highly doubt we would have seen each other again." He watched Summer's face turn from angry to defeated in a matter of seconds.

"I can't believe I'm going to give up, but I am. There's no getting this through your head. You'll believe what you want. Just know you're making a huge mistake!" She said before she ran out of the house. Ryan couldn't believe the things he'd told Summer. She was right, Summer always seemed to be right though.

"Daddy!" Three hours later his front door opened and shut with a slam. Claire came running into his room already jumping on his bed to hug him. After Summer had left he found himself back in bed thinking about everything, he hadn't made any improvement though.

"Hey, Claire-Bear." He smiled pulling her close to him. "I missed you so much, Daddy!" "I missed you too. Where's Noah? Where's your grandparents?"

"I left them outside to get the stuff. I wanted to see you." Claire beamed.

"Dad!" Noah ran into the room. "Hey kid. How was your weekend?" Ryan asked as Noah jumped on the bed to give Ryan a hug. "Fun." He simply stated. "Did Taylor come over?" Claire asked out of nowhere. "Actually, I need to talk to you about Taylor…" Ryan trailed off trying to figure out what he was about to tell them. He wasn't sure if he should tell them then or he should wait.

Just as he was about to say something he heard Sandy and Kirsten in the living room. He, Noah and Claire got out of the bed and walked into the living room. Ryan walked in and hugged both Sandy and Kirsten.

"Go put your stuff in your rooms." Ryan ordered the kids before going to make coffee.

"So want to tell us what's wrong now?" Sandy pressed. "What do you mean?" Ryan thought he had hid his worries better. Apparently not. But he knew he couldn't hide anything from Sandy anyway.

"Ryan we aren't dumb. We know that look when we see it." Kirsten let out a small laugh.

"How were the kids this weekend?" Ryan tried to change the subject. "Amazing. That Claire has a mind of her own I don't think she ever stopped talking." Kirsten snorted thinking back to their weekend.

"I know. Sometimes she says too much." Ryan sighed sitting down. "We can talk about the kids later. Now tell us what's going on." Sandy asked again. "It's Taylor."

"What about her?"

"She's pregnant and she wants a relationship. And I don't think I can do that…" He looked down at his hands afraid to meet Sandy or Kirsten's gaze. Kirsten walked over to Ryan and put her arm around his shoulder. "I take it you're the father." Sandy said making sure. "Yes. That night wasn't supposed to happen. I just got caught up in everything…and now I'm having to deal with all of this at once. Part of me wants to be with her. I want to fall in love with her again but the other part of me can't."

"You can't or you won't? There's a difference." Kirsten said. Ryan put his head in his hands unsure of where to go. "Let's just drop it." Ryan stood up walking towards his kids rooms.

"Daddy, look Grandma bought me a Barbie!" Claire held up a blonde Barbie doll. "Did you say thank you?" Ryan asked walking over and sitting on the little girls bed. "I did. Daddy, why do you look sad?" Ryan pulled Claire up into his lap.

"What do you think about having a brother or sister?" He finally asked after much thinking. "I have a brother, daddy. Why do I want another one?" She asked. "Because you're going to have another one. Taylor's having a baby."

"I don't get it daddy." Claire's little face scrunched up. "Taylor and I are having a baby together. Which means you'll have a half brother or sister." He tried a different approach. "It's not fair." Claire whispered. "What isn't?"

"The new baby gets Taylor as a mommy why not me?" She jumped off of Ryan's lap and ran out of the room. "Claire, wait up!" He stood up to go after her but he stopped. She was right, it wasn't fair. But there was nothing he could do about it.


	10. Chapter 10

**I've been writing this chapter for two days. Not sure why it's been so difficult but it has and it's not even of huge importance. but it gets some more into Noah's thoughts. I know that the baby won't be born for a lot more chapters BUT i'm trying to figure out what to name it. I have four names picked out. Amberly or Abri for a girl and Avery or Austen for a boy. So if you could help me out a bit on what to name the baby that'd be great! Thanks for all of the reviews and such! **

Chapter 10

Monday afternoon Ryan, with Claire and Noah trailing behind him, walked into Summer and Seth's two story home. Sandy and Kirsten had left that morning barely uttering a word to an already stressed out Ryan. "Ryan, what are you doing here?" Taylor jumped up from Summer and Seth's couch. She had been eating out of a carton of ice cream. Ryan noticed the pickle jar and bag of pretzels on the floor in front of her. Ryan watched as Claire beamed running up to Taylor and hugging her tightly. Noah smiled and did the same. Ryan watched as Taylor warmly hugged his two kids, it was a nice picture.

"Ryan?" Taylor looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"What did you do to this girls hair? It's a complete train wreck." Ryan looked over at Claire. He didn't see anything wrong with her hair. He had put it into pig tails right before they went over there. They were lopsided and un-even. Claire just giggled.

"She's right Ryan, you did a terrible job." Summer walked into the living room eating out of a carton of ice cream herself. Ryan rolled his eyes at them. Now he knew why Summer had suddenly called to invite him and the kids over for dinner. It was all a part of Summer's plan to get them together, or that's what Ryan thought at least.

"Summer, get me a brush." Taylor rolled her eyes sitting the girl down into her lap. She pulled the pony tail holders out of the girls hair as Summer handed her a brush.

"Claire, don't let your daddy do this to your hair ever again." Taylor laughed referring to the previous pig tails. It looked natural for Claire to be sitting in Taylor's lap like that. Taylor had a huge smiled plastered on her face as she gently combed through the tangles of dark curls.

"You're good with her." Ryan said to Taylor after Claire's hair was put up in two perfect pony tails. Claire had run off in search of her cousins. Noah was sitting on the blue overstuffed chair that sat in the corner of the living room. He was pretending to read his book.

"I've always wanted a little girl, maybe I'll get a chance this time." Taylor beamed looking down at her barely there bump. She was only 9 weeks along. "I can't believe we're having a baby…" Ryan trailed off putting his head in his hands.

"Wait, a baby?" Noah jumped up from where he had been sitting. Suddenly Ryan remembered that he hadn't told Noah about the baby, just Claire.

"You didn't tell him?" Taylor looked at Ryan concerned. "I told Claire, I just forgot to tell Noah." Ryan let out a long sigh.

"So are you going to tell me now?" Noah stood in front of Ryan. Taylor reached for Noah's hand and patted the spot next to her on the floor. He sat down next to her as she pulled him to her side to hold him close. Ryan couldn't believe his eyes, he couldn't believe how amazing Taylor was with his kids and how easily they had trusted her when he couldn't even do that.

"I don't know how you feel about this, Noah, but your dad and I are having a baby. Your brother or sister." Ryan watched Taylor's face when she told the boy her news. He couldn't describe that smile for the life of him, but it was perfect. It was everything he needed to feel okay about what was going on, at least for a little while.

Seth walked into the house ruining the slight moment the three of them were having. "Hey." Seth waved slightly before walking briskly into the kitchen. "Did you get it?" Summer ran over to him. "Yes, I did. Now go take it before I burst." He wasn't smiling, he looked very angry. "Daddy!" There were four voices coming from the hallway. Kyle, the oldest was 5, Eve was 3 and the twins Kayla and Robert were a year. Ryan laughed at the sight of the four of them tripping over the other trying to get to Seth. Seth barely acknowledged his children.

"What's going on?" Ryan wondered out loud when everyone had left the living room again. "Oh, Summer thinks she's pregnant. Seth is pissed because if she is they have to get a bigger house. Plus Summer's Health Food store might be becoming a chain before too long, so it's stressing Seth out for reasons unknown to me." Taylor explained with Noah still pressed against her side.

"Taylor." Noah looked over at her. "Yes?" She looked down at him. "My mom…died when she had Claire…are you going to…die?" Ryan looked at his little boy as he said this. Ryan had been having that same fear, but he couldn't let Noah nor Claire know that.

"Noah, who told you about your mom?" Ryan asked before Taylor could even answer, which Ryan noticed was taking a lot longer than Noah would have liked. Noah didn't answer Ryan, instead he broke away from Taylor and sat in the blue chair once again. He sat back and looked at the ceiling. "Noah, what's wrong?" Taylor asked getting nervous.

"I don't want to tell you guys who told me, if I did you might be mad at them." Noah looked down at his feet. Ryan walked over to Noah.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want, you know that right? But if you ever feel the need to tell me then I'm all ears." Ryan tried to lighten the mood of the room but did not succeed.

"So, you're not going to die?" Noah brought his attention to Taylor once again. Taylor let out a small smile before replying "No, I'm not sweetie." She stood up and walked over to where he was sitting. She leant over and gave him a hug.

"Oh My God!" There was a scream coming from the back room. Summer. Before Ryan or Taylor could get to the back of the house Seth had walked past them and out the front door slamming it shut. Ryan looked over at Taylor silently asking if he should go talk to him. "Give him some time." She read his mind.

"He left?" Summer asked tears running down her face.

Ryan just nodded as Taylor pulled Summer into her arms. Another thing that made Taylor seem amazing in Ryan's eyes. Another reason he should be cursing himself for trying to push her out of his life.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Tell me what happened." Taylor brought Summer over to the couch. Summer just shook her head as Taylor pressed for her to talk. Ryan watched on as it all happened not saying a word. Taylor looked up at Ryan with sympathetic eyes trying to get him to do something other than just stand there. Just then five kids ran out of the back and into the living room.

"Hey, why don't we go outside. Come on Noah." Ryan took the kids out back getting too uncomfortable with what was going on in front of him.

"Can you talk to me now?" Taylor asked wiping the tears from Summer's eyes.

"All he said was we don't need any more kids and I was stupid for wanting to have another store when I can't take care of the one I own." Summer broke down again. All Taylor could do was assure her everything would go back to normal, but really Taylor wasn't sure what normal was. An hour later she helped a trembling Summer get into bed.

Seth had finally returned getting the kids into baths and bed clothes. "Sorry about dinner." Seth looked down at his feet before leaving Ryan, Taylor and Ryan's kids alone in the living room. Claire attached herself to Taylor vocalizing the fact that she really wanted Taylor to go to their house and eat with them.

"Not tonight, Claire. Maybe another night." Taylor had been hoping Ryan would invite her over. Even if just the day before he had kicked her out of his house. Even if he was denying what they had. None of that mattered really, all that mattered to Taylor was the fact that she wanted to be a family with Ryan and his kids. Taylor knew she would stop at nothing to show Ryan that they were all meant to be together, as a family.

The next morning before work Taylor decided she needed to see Ryan. She walked into his office building taking a deep breath before taking the elevator to the floor Ryan's office was on.

Walking towards the office, Summer had given her the directions, she ran into a blonde woman. Taylor had grown up in Newport. she knew a blonde bimbo when she saw one and this girl was definitely one of them.

"Ugh, excuse me." The girl rolled her eyes at Taylor picking up the things that had spilled to the floor.

"Who are you?" Taylor asked the blonde in front of her. The woman folded her arms against her chest and smacked her lips at Taylor. "Ryan Atwood's assistant."

"Oh great, then you can show me where his office is exactly." Taylor glared at her.

"What do you need? I'm sure I can help you."

"Actually, Blondie you can't help me with what I need but you can help me with showing me his office, please." Taylor pursed her lips getting angrier at the woman standing in front of her. "What's your name?" The girl snapped. "Taylor."

"Fine, hold on. I'll talk to him and see if he wants a visitor right now." If Taylor wasn't pregnant she would have started punching that girl. Although Taylor figured she was feeling like that because of the pregnancy hormones.

"Go on in." the girl came back from Ryan's office. Taylor gave the girl a smile before going into Ryan's office. "Hey Taylor, what are you doing here?" Ryan gave her a smile. "I wanted to ask you a question." She sat down in the chair across from his desk.

"Alright." Ryan leaned back in his desk chair letting out a long sigh. "Well next Thursday I'm supposed to be getting my first ultra sound done of the baby and I was wondering if you would go with me. I don't want to do this alone, not again. When I had Gavin I had to do all of the doctor stuff by myself…"

"I'll be there through everything, you don't have to be alone." Taylor jumped up from her chair and ran over to Ryan crashing her body into his for a hug. At first Ryan resisted, then gave in and held Taylor there for the longest time.

"Ahem." Ryan's assistant interrupted their hug. Taylor parted from Ryan and walked back over to the front of his desk. "Yeah, Jessica?" Ryan sounded annoyed with the blonde. "I was just wondering if you wanted some coffee." Taylor noticed that Jessica had pulled her shirt down more to show as much cleavage as possible without actually showing too much. Taylor was rather disgusted with the woman. "No not right now, Jessica. Can you shut the door on your way out?" Jessica's face fell at the thought of Ryan wanting the door shut. He had never shut his door, not even when there was a serious meeting going on.

"What is her problem?" Taylor asked as soon as Jessica left the office. "Well, ever since I hired Jessica she's had this thing for me. To be honest she disgusts me with trying so hard." Ryan shrugged watching Taylor's every move, every nose twitch, every little thing she did.

"She looked a little shaken when you asked her to shut the door." Taylor smiled. "Well I never shut the door, so that could be why." He hadn't taken his eyes off of her.

"You're making me nervous. Stop looking at me like that." Taylor giggled as she felt the butterflies go around in her stomach. No, these weren't butterflies not this time.

"Oh I'm going to be sick!" Taylor ran for the closest garbage can, she wasn't making it to the bathroom. Taylor heaved over the can but was startled when she felt a hand touch her back lightly. She felt her hair being pulled up and out of her face.

"Ryan, what is going on with us?" Taylor didn't take a second after she had come up from her throwing up to ask. He just stood there staring at her, his hands on his hips. He was thinking and it really made Taylor nervous. "Say something, please."

"I don't know exactly. One second I want to be with you and then the next I freak out about us. I feel like I'm cheating on Sadie, I just don't know how to get over this. I've lost too many people in my life and I feel like if I get attached to you then I'll lose you too. I don't know if the kids and I could handle that." She watched him intently wanting to kiss him more than ever but knowing she had just thrown up and then there was the fact he probably wouldn't kiss back, she decided against it.

"You won't lose me because I promise if something good happens between us I won't leave you or those kids. I want to be in your life, in their life. I want us to be a family, Ryan. I want it all with you but I know I need to give you time to adjust. To think. I'll still be here, always. Just don't wait too long." With that she turned around and left the office leaving Ryan there to watch her leave.


	12. Chapter 12

**Two chapters in one day! I needed a talk between Ryan/Claire/Noah cause I realized the three of them haven't really talked about it. So here is that. and I guess you could say something big at the end. And tomorrow there might be Chapter 7 of Three Cheers For Five Years, almost done with the chapter. On with the story! -**

Chapter 12

That's exactly what Ryan needed from Taylor, time to adjust and think. But it wasn't coming as easily as he had wanted. After Ryan picked his kids up from school he decided the 3 of them needed to talk about what was all going on. "Claire, Noah can we talk?" Ryan suddenly felt nervous. His kids ran over to him where he sat on the couch. Claire climbed onto his lap while Noah sat next to him as close as possible without touching his dad. They looked up at Ryan with hopeful eyes. Eyes that should never know bad things. Eyes that he wished would always stay innocent.

"I don't know what is going on between Taylor and I but I want you kids to know that whatever happens with her it's not going to mess up my relationship with you two. This new baby won't mess that up either, we'll just have to adjust." Not knowing where he was going exactly decided to stop and take a deep breath letting his kids ask questions. But the two kids didn't say anything they just sat there looking at him with those hopeful eyes still looking for answers that he didn't even know the questions to. Noah broke the silence.

"I think you love Taylor but you're too afraid. You're afraid all of us will get too attached to her. Dad you can't be afraid though. What's life if you don't take risks?" Noah was a lot smarted than Ryan had taken his son for.

"You're right, kid. When did you get so smart?" Ryan smiled reaching over and ruffling Noah's hair. Noah just shrugged.

"Claire-bear, what's wrong?" Ryan and Noah both noticed the strange look on Claire's face. A face that was too hard to define.

"I want Taylor here, Noah wants Taylor here and we both know you want her here. So why isn't she here?"

"It's not that easy, baby. I know you both want her here and deep down so do I. How about we stay friends with Taylor, then after awhile maybe we'll see what happens. Is that fair enough?" Ryan looked at Noah and then at Claire.

"No, but it will do." Noah smiled at Ryan. "I want a sister, can we have a sister?" Claire asked. "Taylor wants a girl too. Maybe you'll get a sister." Ryan hugged Claire. Ryan hadn't prepared himself for his kids to take his so easy. He had prepared himself for the worst, but now he realized that wasn't necessary.

"I don't want a sister, dad. I want a boy so I can teach him stuff." Noah folded his arms against his chest.

"But Noah I don't want another brother, I have you silly!" Claire giggled at Ryan. "I agree, Noah you're enough for anyone." Ryan joked with his kids. Noah let out a long sigh.

"I don't need another sister to have to watch when she gets older." "What do you mean?"

"I'm already going to have to watch Claire when we get to high school cause she is never going to date." Ryan laughed at Noah's confession.

"Yes I am!"

"No!" Ryan and Noah said in unison. Claire furrowed her brow at them.

"Enough talk of Claire getting older, I'd like to keep her my little princess for as long as possible. So you're both okay with everything that's going on?"

"Of course, daddy. You'll fall in love with Taylor. Noah and I already talked about it, duh!"

"You're sounding like your Aunt Summer." Ryan laughed. "Is Aunt Summer going to be okay? I saw that Uncle Seth was mad at her."

"Everything will work out, it's Seth and Summer soon enough he'll realize he's making a mistake by staying away. He'd loved her since he was a little kid there's no way he can stop now." Ryan loved how he could talk to his kids about everything, well almost everything.

"Can you tell us about our mommy?" Claire looked up at Ryan again. "Of course, anytime." He smiled and then they fell into a talk about Sadie. Ryan hadn't told them much before because it was always too difficult to talk about her but now it came out so easily. He was now comfortable. Maybe this meant he was finally getting over what happened.

There was a knock on the front door. "I'll get it!" Claire jumped up from Ryan's lap running towards the front door. "Be careful." Ryan called after her.

"I love you, dad." Noah hugged Ryan tightly. "I love you too, son." He kissed the top of the eight year olds head.

Claire dragged Taylor into the living room. "Daddy look who it is!" Claire yelled.

"Sweetie don't yell we can all here you." Taylor told little Claire. Ryan nodded and smiled at Taylor as if to say she was right.

"Ryan I really think we need to talk real quick."

"Sure. Go start on your homework, guys." Ryan told the kids before walking to Ryan's room with Taylor.

"What's going on?" He asked. "He escaped. I don't know how he did and they don't know either." Taylor was going into hysterics.

"Who escaped?" Ryan grabbed onto Taylor closely. "Gavin's father! What am I going to do?! I have to leave. I can't stay here Ryan, I can't stay in this city. He knows I'm still here. It's been three years, Ryan!" Taylor broke down on the bed. Ryan didn't know how to react to this. He didn't know what to do or say. All he could do was hold her. All he could do was assure her he wouldn't let anything happen to her.


	13. Chapter 13

**It's a gloomy day out so i'll probably post chapter 14 in an hour or so once i'm finished with it. hmm. well on with the story!**

Chapter 13

"What if he hurts our baby?" Taylor buried her face in Ryan's chest trying to find some sort of warmth. "He won't, because I won't let him hurt either of you." Ryan ran his fingers through Taylor's hair.

"Ryan, I can't let you protect us. I won't be like Marissa and make you save me every time I get into some sort of fiasco."

"You're worth saving, Taylor." He kissed the top of her head lightly. "Stop doing that." She cried on his shirt. Ryan looked down at her confused. "Stop doing what?" He asked backing away a little. "Making me fall for you even more." She cried into his chest. Ryan didn't know what to say, truthfully he never really knew what to say to Taylor. So he just sat there thinking what his next move was going to be.

"I'm sorry." It's all he could think of and it seemed to work because Taylor smiled up at him. "It's okay, I'm hungry." She stated stepping away from him still crying.

"Why are you still crying?" He asked reaching for her hand. "Because I'm scared…I can't lose this baby! I already love this little being inside of me. I'm already attached and the thought of him finding me and possibly putting my child in danger scares me. I will not let him take another child away from me. He already took my world once he will not take it again!" Ryan wanted to hold her until everything was better. He wanted to comfort her and tell her that everything was going to be just fine because he was there. There was so much he could have said but he didn't. Ryan chose to not talk, which was a lot worse than him stumbling over the words he wanted to say.

"We should get back out there to the kids. I'll cook something for you guys because I'll starve before I make it to my apartment. You do have food, right?" Taylor changed the subject knowing that Ryan wasn't going to respond to her previous statement. "Of course." He smiled at her. "Good, because if you didn't I would have had to kill you." She giggled but then she realized that probably wasn't the best statement to use right then. He just let out a small laugh before she did a total freak out trying to take back her words. He leaned over and wiped away her tears before she left his room. She left but he didn't. He just stood there watching her go.

He finally walked out of his room and into the living room. Claire and Noah were sitting at the kitchen table doing their homework while Taylor busied herself in the kitchen. He stood against the doorframe just watching the three of them. It all seemed to fit with Taylor being there. Like she belonged.

"Hey daddy." Claire looked up from her paper. "Hey sweetie." He walked over and kissed the top of her head. Noah looked up at Ryan smiling.

"Taylor said that she's cooking dinner. I hope she cooks better than you." Noah snickered. "Hey I can cook!" Ryan protested. "Daddy you burnt our toast." Claire put in. "Not my fault, I was busy."

"We eat grilled cheese a lot, Taylor. Oh and Mac and cheese. Most everything dad cooks has cheese in it." Noah pointed out. Taylor looked over at the three sitting at the table and smiled.

"I love cooking." She told them. "What are we having, then?" Claire asked. "It's a surprise."

"Taylor, when the new baby comes is it going to live with us or at your house?" Noah asked her.

"I don't know right now, Noah." Taylor turned back to the stove.

"I think you and the baby should live here." Claire stated confidently. "I agree with her." Noah pointed to his little sister.

"We have awhile until the baby comes, we'll figure it all out." Ryan tried to assure them. The kids seemed content with his answer as they went back to their homework. "Claire, how much work could you possibly have. You're in kindergarten." Ryan laughed. "This isn't homework, silly. I'm just drawing." Claire giggled. Ryan just nodded.

Ryan heard sobs coming from Taylor's direction. He quickly got up and walked over to her. "Taylor, what's going on?" She looked up at him. "I don't know. I'm just worried about everything. I know it's not good to stress with the baby but I can't not stress over this. It's difficult." She tried to keep her voice down so the kids didn't hear her.

"I'll finish this, go take a bath. You can borrow some of my clothes to change into. Second draw in my dresser." Taylor just nodded before leaving Ryan with the food. He looked down into the pot and found his favorite, Mac and Cheese.

"Great minds think alike." He let out a small laugh. "Is Taylor okay?" Claire worried. "Yeah, there's just some things going on right now. Don't worry your pretty little head." He assured her.

"Okay. That's Mac and Cheese isn't it daddy?"

"Yeah, sorry kids." He laughed. "It's okay." Noah shrugged.

Half an our later Taylor emerged from the back. She was wearing one of Ryan's Berkley shirts and a pair of his boxers. Her hair was slick back and her eyes were red and puffy from crying but somehow she looked relaxed.

"I saved you some." Ryan smiled as he washed the dishes. "Thanks." She smiled taking the bowl he had left out. "I didn't know I was craving this until I saw it in the pantry." She said before taking a bite.

"I think you should just stay here tonight…I'll sleep on the couch and you can have my bed." Ryan blurted out sitting at the table with her. "I couldn't intrude."

"You wouldn't be, the couch is pretty comfortable." He laughed.

"Well then you can have your bed and I'll sleep on it. I'd feel bad if I took your bed." She looked into her full bowl. "Taylor, you're sleeping in my bed and I'm sleeping on the couch. End of discussion." He smiled which in turn made her smile. "I'm going to put the kids to bed." Ryan stood up from the table and walked towards the back of his house.

Returning to the kitchen he found Taylor gripping the sink with tears running down her face. "Taylor." He whispered walking towards her. She turned towards him.

"I need you." She cried as he pulled her into him. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." He told her. She just nodded.

Ryan helped her to his room where he pulled back the covers on his bed. "I can't sleep here alone." She reached for his hand before he walked away from her. Instead of saying anything Ryan climbed into the bed. He pulled her close to him. "Everything is going to be okay. I promise."


	14. Chapter 14

**I know I said this would be posted right after the other basically BUT I got a little distracted. and then i started writing this chapter and didn't know where to stop. Anyways, i'm going to start 15 so hopefully it will be up soon enough. Oh and thank you soooo much for the reviews! They keep me writing this. **

Chapter 14

As much as Taylor would have liked to stay in Ryan's arms all day she knew she needed to get up before he did. Just in case he woke up and realized he didn't want her there after all. She was in so much pain emotionally that she knew she couldn't handle that. She pulled on her clothes from the previous day, walked into the bathroom, threw up, grabbed her keys and walked out of Ryan's house. Taylor walked into her small apartment. She threw up keys to the ground before walking like a zombie to her bedroom. As she passed the door that hadn't been opened in three years, she broke down. Taylor's cell phone rang and without looking at the caller ID she answered it.

"Where are you?" Ryan demanded. "I went home…I couldn't stay there." Tears ran down her face. "Please come back, Taylor."

"Why? So you can want me one second and then the next ask me to leave? I can't handle that, so you have to make up your mind."

"Come back. I want to make sure you're safe, please."

"Let me pack a bag." She let out a long sob before closing her cell phone.

"Why did you leave." Ryan pulled her into his house. "I got scared, the last time…well you made me get out. I couldn't handle that." She started to cry again.

"I'm going to take the kids to school. Do you work today?"

"I can work from home." She replied. Taylor worked for the LA Times. "Then you can come to work with me."

"You don't have to do this, Ryan. I can handle at least staying here." She tried. "No, you're going to the office with me." He said sternly. "Fine." She huffed folding her arms like a two year old. "You're cute." He kissed her forehead before ushering everyone out the front door.

"Taylor, daddy said you're staying with us until things get better. Does that mean you're moving in?" Little Claire asked. "Not exactly." Taylor said simply. She wished Ryan would cut in and say something to Claire because she really wasn't sure what was going on.

"So I'm just supposed to sit here and watch you work?" Taylor asked sitting down in the chair across from the desk. "Don't you need to write or something? I've got a laptop if you need it." He said looking up from the papers that were spread across his desk.

"Ryan." Jessica sang walking into his office. She stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed Taylor was in there. "I don't need anything right now, Jessica." Ryan said before the blonde could even ask him something.

"You have a meeting at 2:30 today. Mr. Chang wants to go over the blue prints with you before 1 today. So I suggest you do something with her." Jessica said referring to Taylor.

"Excuse me but I have a name and Ryan will not be getting rid of me. So you can leave." Taylor snapped. "Jessica, I'll call you if I need anything." Ryan told her. "Fine." Jessica groaned leaving Ryan's office.

"I don't like her, she's a whore." Taylor blurted out. Ryan just laughed at the jealously in Taylor's voice. "What? You can't tell me she's a good assistant."

"She's been good, up until now." Ryan smiled. "Yeah well, she's trying to get rid of me and that is never going to happen." Taylor said emphasizing never. "I think you're right." Ryan said shyly. Taylor looked over at him flashing him a smile before focusing her attention on something else.

"Are you hungry?" Ryan asked after half an hour of silence. "Starving."

"I can get Jessica to go get us something." Taylor rolled her eyes not wanting to see the blonde bimbo again. "Are you jealous?"

"Of course I'm jealous! Although I have a feeling you'd never go after a slut like her, but you are a guy and…" She trailed off. "Not going to happen. I don't want Jessica, I've had my chance over the past six months since she's started working for me." He stated. "Good. I feel a little better. Now about that food." She smiled wide at him.

"So thought of any names yet?" Ryan asked her while they ate. Taylor was downing eggs and pickles. Ryan just shook his head at the crazy combination. "Actually I have, I've narrowed it down to six names each but I can't go any further until I know what we're having."

"You want to know?" He asked. Sadie never wanted to know from the doctor what they were having, she always guessed herself. She was right both times. "I don't know. I mean it's your choice too. But yes I would like to know." Taylor looked down at her plate suddenly feeling sick to her stomach. "I want to know too."

"Good! Except right now if you'll excuse me I think I'll go throw up this food." She said feeling the churning in her stomach before running towards the bathroom that was connected to Ryan's office.

"I remember one time I threw up on his shoes, I had just gotten pregnant and he refused to let me leave so I just threw up right there on his brand new shoes. I don't think I've ever been punch so hard…" Taylor walked into Ryan's office confessing something she'd never told anyone before. Ryan's face fell as he wondered how someone could hit her, or hit any woman for that matter.

"I don't know how he could hate me so much to kill Gavin. I don't know how he could do that to a little boy that was his own flesh and blood." She whispered sitting down in the chair. "He told me once that he'd hurt me if I left him. He said that he'd mess my life up. I had to leave though, staying in France with Steve was not an option." That was the first time in years Taylor had mentioned his name. She'd made it a point until then to not tell anyone the mans name.

"I met him in college. He had came from New York. He seemed nice enough, you know? And you know how I seem to trust people so easily. The first time he hit me was two months after we started dating. Three months later I was pregnant. The hitting never stopped. Then I left…and he promised to find me and ruin everything for me. He found me. I can't let him find me again." Ryan watched her cry.

He'd never seen anyone cry so much. He'd never seen Taylor cry like this. She was strong, or at least to be. So was Ryan back then, he was strong until he lost Sadie. Somehow he had to make himself seem strong for everyone else but really he wasn't strong, not even a little bit.

"I had no idea, Taylor. I want to protect you and I can't if you go back to your apartment. I need to protect you and our baby." He stood up and walked over to her. She just nodded.

"I have a guest room I can set up for you. I know it's soon for you to move in but if you stay at that apartment he'll find you. I can't have that."

"I can always find a new apartment." She told him. "Would you feel safe though?" He asked. Of course she wouldn't, but she also knew if she moved in with Ryan it was not giving him the space she knew he needed. "I couldn't impose on you and the kids. Moving in would not be giving you the space you need, Ryan."

"Maybe not but I'd rather have you around than lose you to some psycho." She just smiled at his statement. She stood up and hugged him tightly.

"Ryan, Mr. Chang is here." Jessica interrupted. Ryan looked down at Taylor. "I'll just take the laptop in the other room." She pointed into the hall. "You can sit at Jessica's desk with her." Ryan suggest. "Oh fun." Taylor said under her breath.

Jessica stomped off to her desk with Taylor trailing her.

"So, you and Ryan?" Jessica asked after a few minutes of silence. Taylor couldn't concentrate on her task at hand. "Me and Ryan what?" Taylor asked annoyed. "Are you together?" Jessica asked nervously.

"If you call having a baby being together, than yeah. But we aren't dating. If that even makes sense…" Taylor wondered why she was even explaining anything to the girl next to her. She had been nothing but rude to Taylor.

"No it doesn't. I just want to warn you that he won't date you." Jessica smacked her lips at Taylor. "Whatever." Taylor rolled her eyes at the girl.

"I don't even know how you got him into bed, I've tried so many times and let's face it you are no me." Jessica told her. "Yeah, well he doesn't go for fake bitches. So, I'm really glad that I'm not you!" Taylor snapped.

"You probably got pregnant to keep him around. So who's the fake bitch now?" Jessica laughed.

"How dare you!" Taylor stood up. "I would never do that to him! I love him!" She screamed and then Taylor realized she probably yelled a little too loudly. "Oh no." Taylor whispered realizing that Ryan was standing right there behind her. "I'm…going back to my office." He said nervously. "Wait, Ryan. I'm sorry." Taylor ran after him. "I didn't mean it like that, I meant it as I love you as a friend. I'm so sorry. She was saying terrible things and I just…"

"It's okay, don't worry about it." Ryan said uncomfortably.

"But I have to worry about it. You won't even look me in the eye now." Tears stung Taylor's eyes. She wasn't sure how she had become so emotional, she blamed it on the pregnancy hormones. Ryan just kept his eyes on his work.

"Great. I just made things awkward. More awkward than the fact that I am carrying your baby. It's kind of difficult to not love you! God, you're so…" She trailed off picking at her fingernails.

"Taylor, just drop it." He said annoyed. She sat down in the chair. She wanted to talk, she needed to talk. The silence in the room was killing her. She didn't want to upset him any more than she already had so she kept quiet.

"Maybe I should go." She went to stand up. "Sit down." He ordered and that's exactly what she did.

"Why can't I leave? There's a huge elephant in this room now." She said. "You can't leave because I'm not letting you out of my sight, and as for the elephant in the room just…I don't know." He finally looked up from his work.

"I need to go call my work." She lied. She only had to go to the office twice a week since she could easily work from home. She locked herself in the bathroom before sliding against the wall to sit on the floor. She pulled her legs up to her chest as her head rested on her knees.

"I'm sorry, baby." She put her hand on her stomach. Taylor decided she had to be strong. She couldn't cry like she was anymore. Crying was not her thing, or at least it hadn't been in her life before. Of course she was emotional after Gavin was killed but it was different. How could she not be emotional then?

Taylor stepped out of the bathroom with Ryan staring at her. "Come here." He motioned for her to go over to him. "Don't worry yourself over this Taylor." He tried. "How can I not? You totally shut down when I said it. You should have heard what she was saying Ryan…"

"I did hear." He wiped the tears that were already falling down her face despite the fact that she wanted to be strong. "I never do this, I have no idea what's wrong with me! I'm a mess." "It's okay." He stood up and brought her close.

"Ryan, It's Claire's school on line one." Jessica interrupted. "Thanks." Ryan said quickly before picking up the phone. "Ryan Atwood speaking." Taylor walked over nervously to sit back in the chair. "Come on." Ryan grabbed his keys before running out his door. Taylor tried keeping up with him.

"What's going on?" Taylor asked when they got into the car. "The school nurse said Claire was throwing up." Ryan said. Taylor thought it was amazing how Ryan was with his children.

Ryan cradled his five year old in his arms. She had finally fallen asleep after four hours of almost none stop puking. Ryan had to cancel his really important meeting but Claire meant more than his job.

"Who's picking Noah up?" Taylor asked. "Summer, she said he could stay over there for the night. He's got clothes over there." Ryan held his daughter closer. Whenever she was sick he would hold her while she slept. He didn't like to take his eyes off of her.

"You're an amazing dad, Ryan." Taylor whispered sitting down next to him on the couch. "Thanks." He smiled shyly over at her. Taylor knew even if she and Ryan didn't get together romantically her child would always be loved and cared for. "Having them has changed my life."

"I know what you mean." Taylor smiled.


	15. Chapter 15

**Just a fill in basically. I'm currently working on 16. Which WILL be much longer. Promise. Thank you so much for the reviews!**

Chapter 15

Taylor wasn't thinking right the next morning. How was she supposed to know she should have knocked before walking into Ryan's room? How would she know that he was standing there in front of in only his boxers. "Oh my God." She cried out covering her eyes. "What?" He asked confused.

"Put your clothes on! Hurry!" She cried stepping out of the room trying to catch her breath.

"Taylor?" He walked out of his room now fully dressed. She still had her hand over to eyes as she leaned up against the wall.

"I need to learn to knock…" She groaned taking her hand down, but him having clothes on still didn't help. Because all she could think about is how he was without those clothes on.

"What are you talking about? You've seen me without my clothes on before." He gave her a confused look before going back into his room. She followed trying to keep her eyes off of him.

"Yes, but you without clothes on reminds me of sex…and sex with you…is like…and well I can't exactly have sex with you so it's difficult…to even see you with out your clothes on." She got nervous realizing she had said 'sex' far too many times in that one sentence. She noticed he was getting a little uncomfortable. "I'm sorry! See this is exactly why I shouldn't move in." She put her hands on her hips still not wanting to meet his gaze. He just let out a small chuckle picking his dirty clothes up from the floor.

"You can't tell me you don't miss sex."

"I didn't say that I didn't miss it." He pointed out. "Yeah, but…" She trailed off.

"Don't you have work?" He raised his eyebrow. "Yeah, that's what I was coming to talk to you about. To see if you would let me go to work today without being Mr. over-protective."

"Only if you let me drive you and I pick you up after you get off." He said. "No fair, what am I supposed to do for lunch?" She pouted finally looking at him. Thoughts of sex weren't top priority right then. "I'll bring you some."

"You don't think this is a little much? I mean you've barely let me pee without you watching me in the past 24 hours." She whined. "Uh-huh you know you love it." He smiled as he started walking out of the room. "That's not the point."

"Are you taking her to the doctor today?" Taylor asked him. "After I take you to work. Go get ready." He handed her a glass of orange juice. She peeked into Claire's room on her way to the guest room Ryan had set up for her the night before.

Ryan held a very sick Claire in his arms waiting on Taylor. "Poor baby." Taylor put her hand on Claire's back. "I know." He pulled Claire even closer.

"Call me as soon as you get out, promise?" Taylor said before getting out of the car.

"I'm coming by at lunch." He groaned. "Don't care. Bye Claire." Taylor finally got out of the car suddenly feeling empty. Ryan didn't drive away until she was inside of the building.

"I thought you were calling." Taylor stood up from her desk. She glanced at the clock and it said 11:45. "Well we had to wait awhile so I figured we'd just come by." He gave her a smile.

"How's my girl doing?" Taylor hugged onto Claire. "Stomach virus." Ryan said simply.

"We aren't hungry so I just brought you something." Ryan handed her the bag of food. "Thank you." The three of them walked into Taylor's office.

"Nice place." Ryan laughed looking around. The room was cold and sterile. It wasn't Taylor at all.

"I barely spend any time in here." She shrugged eating the sandwich Ryan had brought her. Ryan sat down with a sleeping Claire in his arms.

"She looks so tired." Taylor sighed. The little girl looked almost lifeless in her father's arms.

"Saturday we can get all of your stuff moved in. Tonight we can go by your place and get your clothes if you want." Ryan suggested.

"You're really adamant on me moving in aren't you?" He just nodded. "Why though?"

"Because if you're with me then I know you're safe."

"Is that all? I mean there's no hidden meaning in there?" She questioned hoping maybe there was a tiny bit. He didn't say anything. At least not right away.

"Maybe." He raised an eyebrow.

"You just want to walk in on me changing. Once again I'm really sorry about this morning…" She blushed. "I can't say that I haven't thought about it once or twice." It was his turn to blush. Taylor didn't know what to say. To either keep the conversation going or change it. It was a hard decision. Because if she changed it maybe it wouldn't come up again, but if she didn't it might get too awkward.

"You lied to me." Ryan's words suddenly made her stop breathing. "What are you talking about?" She choked out.

"About the no strings attached deal." He was sounding so serious. The sharpness in his tone cut the air like a knife.

"I…" She didn't know what to say. His eyes lightened as he smiled at her. "I like these strings though."

"You scared me." She was able to breath again.


	16. Chapter 16

**So I know I said I'd have a long post and that i'd post it soon but that didn't happen because this story is getting harder and harder to write. But I'm not going to give up on it. I'll figure this out. So just bear with me awhile! **

Chapter 16

She had to do this. It was the last room that needed to be cleaned out. She needed to take those boxes that were leaning up against the wall and put inside them the things that had once belonged to her son. This was going to give her closure, or something close to that at least. She reached for the brass doorknob. Touching it was like fire, just how it felt every time she tried to will herself into that room. But every other time she had failed to open the door. This time she knew she had to do this.

Her breath wavered as she closed her eyes and pushed it open. Nothing had changed. Those same green walls. That same beige carpet. His bed. His dresser. His toys. His favorite stuffed animal. Everything was still there.

Deep down Taylor had wished somehow that the room would just magically go away so she wouldn't have to do this. She couldn't do this. She had to get out of that room.

Turning and running for the door became her best bet but as she did she was caught. Caught in someone's arms pulling her against them as she cried. She fought against his chest. Pounding her fists into it as she cried. This wasn't fair. She wasn't supposed to be cleaning out her sons room. He wasn't supposed to die. He was supposed to be a healthy rambunctious 6 year old.

"I can't do this." She cried finally settling down a little in his arms. Ryan. He had been the one to catch her. "Can you do it if I helped?" He whispered in her ear. She looked up into his eyes before giving him an answer. "I can try." She said with a shaky voice. "Alright, come on." He grabbed her hand and pulled her back into the room. Her eyes were closed the entire time. She was trusting that he'd guide her because she was far too upset to open her eyes.

"We used to sit in the middle of the floor and play whenever he got up from a nap. It was the only way I could get him to actually wake up and not be in a mad mood. It was my favorite time of the day. I'd actually be upset if we missed it. Then after…he…well…I couldn't even set foot in here. It just got to be too much. So I shut the door and I haven't opened it in three years." She leaned against Ryan as she took in the surroundings of the room. She wanted to run, but somehow running wasn't an option with Ryan there. With Ryan there she could do this. She released herself from Ryan's embrace.

She kept her hand in his as she made her way to Gavin's dresser. She touched at the picture that sat in the middle. The picture that made everything look perfect. It showed how amazing it was to have Gavin in her life. How full of love and innocence her little boy had been full of. She wanted him back. She picked the picture up and held the frame against her chest.

"We went to the park one Saturday with my mom of all people. She actually came here and visited. We had an amazing day. She is actually a better grandmother than a mother. Gavin adored her, which in turn made me forgive her for everything she'd ever done to me in my life. Veronica Townsend took my son up a slide and in her white expensive pants she slid down that slide with my son in her lap. That's when I snapped this picture." She let out a small laugh showing Ryan the picture of Veronica and Gavin.

"I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen this picture." Ryan let out a laugh.

"Yeah, but her love for me stopped at my son. I don't know what it was about Gavin but she loved him. After he died she told me it was all my fault and that I should hate myself for what I did to him. I guess I did blame myself, I still do. But, I haven't talked to her since his funeral." Taylor sat the picture down. She took a deep breath closing her eyes before they started taking the things out of the room.

"I can finish this up if you want." Ryan noticed how uncomfortable she was. "No, I can handle this." She smiled squeezing his arm. "Thanks."

"For what?" He asked confused. "For being here for me. For everything you've done." She whispered. "I wouldn't want to be any where else." He kissed the top of her head. Taylor smiled as she put Gavin's small clothes into a box. She had kept everything from when he was a newborn.

"That's the last of it." Ryan put his hands on his hips walking into Gavin's room. They had spent the whole day cleaning it out and talking. Taylor stood up from her spot on the floor and looked around. The room was bare.

"I didn't think I could do this. It was hard but I'm glad it's over." Taylor smiled at him. "Let's get home." Ryan reached for her hand and led her out of the apartment. Before leaving Taylor locked her apartment door for the last time.

"Daddy!" Claire jumped up from her spot on the floor of Seth and Summer's living room.

"Hey baby." Ryan walked over and hugged her tight. Noah looked up from the TV and smiled over at Taylor.

"Is everything finished?" Noah asked. "Yeah, where is everyone?" Ryan searched around the living room and kitchen. "Aunt Summer is taking a nap with the kids and Uncle Sethy is in his office." Claire explained to them.

"No, I'm not." Seth appeared in the living room. "Hey." Taylor tried to smile at him.

"Ryan can we talk?" Seth looked at his brother. "Sure, can you handle them?" Ryan asked Taylor. "Of course."

"Thanks." He walked over and kissed her cheek.

"What's up?" Ryan sat across from Seth in Seth's home office. "I'm not ready for another kid, Ryan. How exactly can we handle 5 kids? We can barely handle the 4 we have." Seth panicked. Ryan watched as Seth fumbled with the pencil in his hand.

"You'll figure it out, I'm sure it won't be too hard." Ryan shrugged. "Yes it will be!" Seth slammed his fist on his desk. "Whoa, calm down buddy."

"I can't handle this. I can't do this. I think I'm going to stay with mom and dad for awhile."

"And just leave Summer with the kids?"

"I'll take the twins." Seth shrugged.

"You can't just leave, Seth. You have to stick around." Ryan tried. "You don't understand."

"How do I not understand, Seth? You don't even know what I'm going through right now with Taylor. You haven't even asked. So why should I have pity on you?" Ryan snapped at Seth. "I'm sorry, man. I'm just over-stressed. Tell me how everything is going with Taylor." Seth looked curious. "I don't even know, Seth. I think I'm falling in love with her."


	17. AN

**A/N**

**I lost my USB stick that I keep ALL of my stories on. I had chapter 17 almost finished. I sure hope no one gets a hold of it. But I won't have chapter 17 done probably for another week because I forgot what I had written. All I know is I really liked it. Sorry! I also want to run an idea for a new story by you which I hadn't put on my USB yet.**

**It's another Taylor/Ryan but it's AU. Ryan and Taylor are highschool sweet hearts. They get married right after they graduate but Ryan goes off to war. The story comes up where a year after he leaves and it will show a year with Taylor. Every other post will be a letter from Ryan. Good idea? If you think so then i'll post the first chapter when I get a chance which would be soon. **

**Sorry for this! Thanks for the AMAZING reviews! **


	18. Chapter 17

**So I found my USB! It was in my car of all places. Anyhow I was able to finish this chapter. Later tonight i'll be putting the first chapter of my new fic up _I'll see you in my dreams_. I'm REALLY excited about it because I already have chapters 1 and 2 finished and chapter 3 is almost done!**

**Well here you are chapter 17! It was fun writing.**

Chapter 17

"Thank you for this." Taylor whispered to Ryan as she took his hand before the doctor came in to do the ultrasound. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." He kissed her forehead gripping her hand tightly. "Good, Ryan…what are we? Just friends?" She looked up at him with hopeful eyes. Ryan took his hand away from her. Instead of pulling it away from her completely he put it on her waist.

"What do you want to be?" He asked her looking down at his feet. "It's not up to me really. If it were then we'd be so much more but Ryan I think if we are more than just friends we need to take it slow. Like I stay in the guest room and you stay in your room. I think we shouldn't let anyone know either." She let out. "It's not the guest room anymore." He laughed. "It will be again one day." She smiled wide.

"So you think we can do this right?" He asked her moving his hand from her waist to her hands again. "I think we can at least try." She whispered. She leaned forward and he leaned forward but the two of them were cut off by the doctor coming into the room.

"Taylor." Dr. Carter smiled at Taylor. "Hi, Dr. Carter this is Ryan my…" She trailed off. "Boyfriend." He finished for her. Her heart skipped a beat. "It's nice to meet you." The Dr. put his hand out to shake Ryan's.

"That's our baby!" Taylor squealed pointing to the small screen that their baby was on. "It is." Ryan whispered clutching tighter to her hand. "You are due January 6th . We can go ahead and schedule another ultra sound for 10 weeks but I want to see you back here for a check up in 3." The Dr told them both before taking a picture of the baby.

"Thank you." Taylor smiled through the tears at the doctor. "No problem, it was nice meeting you Ryan." Ryan noticed that Dr. Carter's eyes lingered a little too much on Taylor. He didn't like the way the man touched her arm when they talked or how his smile seemed more than just friendly.

"Ryan, what's wrong?" Taylor looked over at his tense face once the doctor left the room. "I uh…nothing. Let's go." He tried smiling helping her off of the table. "So, I think you should tell me what's going on." Taylor said getting into the passenger side of Ryan's Range Rover. "It's nothing." He put his hand on her knee.

"It's something, Ryan." She put her hand on top of his. "Your doctor. I mean how much do you know about him?" He asked glancing over at her.

"Ryan. Are you jealous of Dr. Carter?" Taylor giggled rolling her eyes at him.

"It's just he was looking at you a little too long…" He trailed off suddenly feeling a little nervous as they drove towards Noah and Claire's school.

"That's sweet and everything but Ryan even if he was looking at me I wouldn't care. I have you and you're all I need." She rubbed her thumb absently against his hand. "Good." He smiled over at her.

"Now what are we having for dinner? Because I thought we could order in pizza and maybe watch a movie with the kids." Taylor suggested. "Alright." He nodded. "Great! We'll let the kids decide." She giggled. "Sounds good to me."

"How did the doctors go?" Noah asked climbing into the backseat. "Good, want to see the baby?" Taylor turned around in her seat taking the picture out of her purse. "Where's the baby at? All I see is a blob." Noah scrunched up his nose. "Right there." Taylor laughed showing him.

"Claire why are you so quiet?" Ryan looked back quickly at his little girl who had a really intense look on her face. "Kyle said when Taylor has the baby that you both will forget out about me." Claire cried.

"Oh no we won't baby." Ryan tried.

"Yes you will! Kyle said that Uncle Sethy and Aunt Summer don't like him no more. I don't want you to not like me." She pouted. "Don't be silly, Claire! They won't forget you." Noah told his little sister. "They'll forget you too." Claire told him. "No they won't." Noah snapped.

"What is going on?" Ryan parked the car in their driveway turning around to face his arguing kids. "I just don't want to be forgotten and if I'm forgotten so will Noah." Claire pouted again crossing her arms across her chest.

"No one is forgetting anyone." Taylor turned around and spoke sweetly.

"Promise?" Claire held out her pinky to Taylor. "I promise and I never break pinky promises." She smiled hooking her pinky with the little girls. "Okay." Claire beamed before opening the car door and hopping out of it. "Aren't you going to promise me too?" Noah held out his pinky. "Of course." Taylor smiled over at Ryan who looked between Taylor and his son as Taylor wrapped her pinky around his. Then he got out of the car before meeting his little girl at the front door.

"Do you have homework?" Ryan asked his kids once they had gotten into the house. "No." Claire threw her bag on the floor before running to her room. Taylor walked over and picked the pink back pack off of the floor putting it next to the front door where Noah had dropped his.

"How about you kid?" Ryan asked ruffling up Noah's brown locks. "A little." Noah shrugged walking towards the kitchen. "Why don't you do it now so we can watch movies before bed." Taylor walked into the kitchen behind him. "Alright." He shrugged getting something out of the fridge. "Great!" Taylor clapped her hands together.

"What kind of pizza?" Taylor picked up the phone as she asked before dialing the number. "Pepperoni!" Claire yelled. "Extra cheese, too." Noah piped in.

"What about you, Ryan?" Taylor looked over at him. "Pepperoni with extra cheese is fine." He smiled at her. "Then it's settled. A large pepperoni with extra cheese." Taylor said before dialing the number.

"Oh, I'm so full." Taylor said leaning against the back of the sofa before absently putting her hand on her barely there belly. "Me too." Ryan leaned back beside her. They both looked down at the floor where Noah and Claire were both sleeping.

"You get her and I'll get him." Ryan went to stand up. "Alright. I mean if I can even get up." She laughed holding her hands out for Ryan to help her.

Taylor walked over to Claire who had a huge smile on her face. "Hey, Claire." Taylor shook the 5 year old. "Hmmm?"

"Come on sweetie it's bed time." Taylor said helping the little girl up and then guiding her to her bedroom. Ryan smiled from the door frame as he watched Taylor tuck Claire into bed. Claire fell asleep instantly as her head hit the pillow. Taylor turned off the light and turned on her nightlight before finding Ryan at the door.

"Watching me?" Taylor giggled as they closed her bed room door slightly. "Maybe." He smiled. "Good night, Ryan." She hugged him before walking off to her room.

"I love you baby." Taylor whispered putting her hand on her stomach before falling asleep. "Taylor!" Taylor felt a body jump on her bed. "Taylor!" The body yelled again. Taylor groaned not wanting to leave her bed just yet. Taylor finally opened her eyes to a smiling Claire. Her hair was done in those same pigtails that Ryan couldn't seem to get right.

"Did daddy do that to your hair?" Taylor asked sitting up. "Yes, can you fix it?" Claire asked her. "Yeah, let me get dressed." Taylor yawned as Claire bounded off of her bed and out of her room. "Good morning." Ryan appeared in her door way.

"Claire woke up me." Taylor tried to laugh pulling pants on. "She's the best alarm clock." He smiled.

"I would say so. And Ryan, leave her hair up to me. Please. I don't think we want her going to school looking like that." Taylor laughed walking up to him. He wrapped his arms around her before laying a gently kiss on her forehead. He quickly pulled away from her as they walked into the living room together. Noah was sitting at the table reading a comic book and eating his cereal that he kept spilling.

"You're never going to get that in your mouth if you don't stop reading this." Ryan pulled the comic book out of his hands. "I was reading that!" Noah protested.

"Finish your breakfast and you can read it on your way to school." Ryan reasoned. Ryan watched as Taylor pulled Claire unto her lap to brush and style her hair. Taylor silently finished the girls hair.

"You look beautiful, baby." Ryan kissed Claire's forehead. "Thank you daddy!" Claire giggled before running to her room. "So you have to go to the office today?" Ryan asked Taylor before it was time for him to take the kids to school.

"Doesn't matter." She shrugged sitting on the couch.

"Alright well, come by for lunch?" He asked before quickly kissing her cheek. "I can do that." She smiled wanting to kiss him full on the lips but she knew that they both weren't ready for that just yet. Even if they had declared they were going to start a relationship and even if he did tell the doctor that he was her boyfriend. But was it just because he was jealous of Dr. Carter? Now Taylor was sitting alone in the living room thinking way too much. Letting her insecurities creep up on her. She sat on the couch in a daze before she got up and make herself take a shower.

She decided against work instead going to Ryan's office early, just to check up on him. And maybe to make sure Jessica was as far away from him as she could get. Taylor took the elevator to the floor Ryan's office was on. She sighed walking from the elevator and towards where Jessica's desk was. She wasn't there. Taylor felt something rush over her body. She quickly made her way to Ryan's office. He was sitting there with a client. She let out a sigh trying not to be too loud but he saw and heard her. He smiled at her before talking to the man in front of him again.

"Excuse me." Jessica pushed past her. "Not you again." Taylor groaned as Jessica walked into Ryan's office with two cups of coffee. "He's in a meeting you might want to come back later." Jessica pursed her lips at Taylor.

"I know, I have eyes but I think I'll wait right here for him thank you." Taylor smiled as she laid her hand on her stomach.

"Fine." Jessica rolled her eyes before leaving Taylor alone. Taylor watched Ryan work. She watched all the expressions on his face.

"You know you didn't have to wait out here." Ryan smiled after his client left and he pulled her into his office. "Well it was either the hall or with Jessica and to be honest the hall sounded so much better. I can't wait until she messes up and you fire her." Ryan just laughed at her.

"I didn't mean to say that out loud." She covered her mouth from her last statement.

"Yeah well, you get rid of your doctor and I get rid of Jessica." He smiled. "I like my doctor, Ryan! He's good at what he does." "Yeah, well he's too young and he checked you out." "I love when you're jealous." She giggled.

"Ryan." Jessica appeared at the door. "Hmm?" He asked taking his eyes off of Taylor. "Scott wants to see you." She grinned. "Oh, okay. I'll be right back." He told Taylor. She just nodded

"So…" Jessica walked into the office fully now. "So what? Not this again." Taylor rolled her eyes. "It's just weird. Ryan hasn't even made a move on me yet he wants you. Doesn't make much sense." "Oh it makes a lot of sense slut!"

"Taylor." Ryan walked into the office taking her hands since they were clinched like she was about to fight Jessica. "I am going to hurt her!" Taylor cried trying to get out of Ryan's grip.

"You aren't doing anything other than sitting down." He told her. "Jessica I think you should leave, take the day off." Ryan looked at her. She just nodded and left.

"So, I was thinking about going to Summer's later. To check up on her, I mean what if Seth has already left." Taylor spoke up. "He hasn't I talked to him earlier. He said he's still thinking about it. Personally I think he's dumb. He's got his wife and his kids and he's taking it all for granted." Ryan tried to smile. "Ryan, you've got me now. I'm not going anywhere, ever." Taylor took his hands in hers before inching her way closer to him.

"You know we haven't kissed in a while." Ryan pulled Taylor closer. "Maybe we should wait, I mean are we moving too fast?" But before he answered their lips collided together at first in a sweet kiss and then soon turned passionate.

"We're having a baby together I highly doubt we're moving too fast." He broke away from the sensual kiss. "You know maybe we could become really official. Like tell the kids and everyone?" Taylor wrapped her arms around Ryan's neck.

"You know, I think we should wait awhile like you suggested earlier. I want to keep you to myself." He whispered before kissing her again. This time more passionate than the first kiss. His lips moved from her lips down to her neck.

"Ryan, come on stop." Taylor had to push him away before it led to something she didn't want him to regret. "I don't know if I can." He kissed lower. "You have to because you'll regret this."

"Would you?" He stopped. "Never." She gave him a smile. "Thank you." He pecked her lips. "For what?" She asked confused. "For stopping me, for being so level headed through this. It's just I finally realized how much I need you, how much Claire and Noah need you too. It makes me want you so bad. But I want to wait until the perfect time. Even if we've already done it." He laughed.

"You are amazing." She leaned in for another kiss. "Well you know, Taylor you aren't so bad yourself." He whispered against her lips. "So I was thinking I could cook tonight. Nothing special but we've been eating takeout and pizza for the past week." She giggled.

"Works for me. Apparently according to my children I can't cook." He laughed. "Yeah but you make a mean Mac n cheese."

"And don't forget my amazing grilled cheese."

"You're a master with cheese Mr. Atwood."

"Why thank you Ms. Townsend." He kissed her again. "Come let's go get the kids from school." He said taking her hand in his.

"Hi Daddy, Hi Taylor." Claire crawled into the backseat of Ryan's vehicle. "How was school, sweetie?" Taylor turned around in the front seat. "Good." Claire took a deep breath. "what's wrong?" Ryan asked worried. "Just tired." Claire shrugged.

"What about you, Noah?" Ryan asked. "It was okay. There's this girl who likes me in my class. She's annoying." Noah told them. "Awww! Someone's got a crush on Noah!" Taylor clapped her hands together smiling.


	19. Chapter 18

**I have finished up to chapter 21 and i'll be posting them as soon as i'm done editing which will probably be tomorrow but i'll probably get 19 done tonight. Anyhow. I feel like i'm rushing Taylor and Ryan. On with the story!**

Chapter 18

"Isn't it adorable? I mean he's 8 and a girl has a little crush on him!" Taylor giggled at the guy she had wanted to call boyfriend for so long and now she was able to. "Like you said he's only 8. Girls shouldn't have crushes at 8. Because Claire won't." Ryan put the plate he was holding into the dishwasher. "I hope it's a girl." She sighed leaning against the counter. "That's just what I need, another girl in the house."

"You know you'd love it." She laughed. "Of course." He nodded not so sure about that.

"So I was thinking of names…" She reached over in her bag and pulled out a piece of paper. "Yeah?" He looked over at her.

"How about Avery for a boy?"

"Isn't that a little girly?" He asked her. "It's unisex but I like it more as a boys name." She looked at the paper. "Keep going." He nodded. "Uhm, Corbett?"

"That's…different…"

"Yeah I looked up French origin names and picked out the ones I like best and Corbett is my favorite." She told him.

"Corbett Avery Atwood." He said under his breath trying to get a feel of it. "I love it! Do you?" She asked him. "I like it." He nodded. "Great then we have a boy name except I have a huge feeling we'll want to change it after awhile." She laughed. "Maybe but it's good to find out a name now." He shrugged.

"Now girls names. I went a little bit crazy with these because I REALLY want a girl." She laughed. "Okay what are they?" He asked. "Rainey," She mentioned. He gave her a funny look.

"Ancelin." He nodded so she's go on. "Brier."

"I kind of like that."

"Me too! Then there's Adalyn." She really liked that name. "Adalyn Brier Atwood or Brier Adalyn Atwood. I like either." He shrugged.

"You picked the two that were my favorite and we have time to figure out which one." She smiled. She leaned over and kissed him on the lips but they were interrupted by a small gasp.

"Daddy what are you doing?" Taylor and Ryan both turned to find Claire standing there in her pajama's with her hands on her hips. Ryan couldn't keep his laughter in at the seriousness in her stance. He walked over and picked the girl up. "Nothing." He replied.

"You were kissing Taylor!" The five year old pointed at the 30 year old woman. "What if I was?" He asked the little girl. "But Daddy…you said you and her were just friends." Claire was more than confused. "Well we thought that's all we wanted but it turns out that we have more than just friendly feelings for each other. Is that okay?" He asked her. Of course he knew Claire would love it since she'd been trying to get the two of them together since she met Taylor.

"Of course! Finally!" She giggled reaching for Taylor to come over to them. She wrapped one arm around Taylor hugging both of them at once.

"Wait till I tell Noah!" Claire jumped down from her father's arms yelling for her older brother. "I guess this means we can't keep it to ourselves." Taylor laughed. "Yeah…" Ryan felt uneasy.

"Is Claire telling the truth?" Noah ran into the kitchen.

"She sure is." Ryan shook his head making Taylor smile. "Good!" Noah said satisfied before leaving the room.

"So they know." Ryan smiled reaching for her. "I'm really tired so I'll go tuck Claire in and then I'm going to sleep."

"Sleep in my bed tonight." He whispered before kissing her.

"I'd love to Ryan but that's going too fast. Maybe next month." She laughed releasing herself from his grip. "No tonight." He reached for her hand and caught it in his before pulling her back to him.

"Are you sure you won't kick me out?' She giggled as he kissed the tip of her nose. "Don't plan on it." He smiled. "Good because I wouldn't leave anyway."

"That's nice to know. Now come on I'm tired."

"You didn't finish putting away the dishes." She tried. "Those can wait until tomorrow." He shrugged.

"Ryan Atwood are you trying to get me into bed?" She let her eyebrow raise. "Yes but no. Yes I'm trying to get you to sleep in my bed. I mean actually sleep. You'll have to wait for the other." He whispered into her ear. "I can't wait." She kissed his lips instantly.

Taylor looked around the house feeling defeated. She had set to cleaning the entire house two weeks after she had moved in with Ryan and the kids. It had been two hours since Ryan left with Noah to go to the grocery store and here Taylor was still trying to clean the living room.

"I'm exhausted." Taylor plopped back on the couch as Noah and Ryan came into the house with grocery bags. "It looks good in here." Ryan looked around before following his 8 year old to the kitchen. "Barely! Ryan how many times a year do you actually clean? I mean there was so much dust!" Taylor fussed.

"I never had the time. With the kids and work." He shrugged.

"You had the time. You just didn't want to." She laughed walking into the kitchen and started helping them unpack the groceries.

"I'm cooking tonight." Ryan told them. "I'm not in the mood for Mac n Cheese." Taylor rolled her eyes. "It's a good thing I'm not making it either. In fact there is barely any cheese in this meal." He smiled at her. "Where did you suddenly learn to cook?" Taylor asked him.

"She's right dad." Noah piped in. "Leave me to this. I won't burn anything, I'm not Kirsten!" He laughed pushing the two of them out of the kitchen.

"Well boyfriend I guess I can leave you to this I mean as long as I get a decent meal out of it." She smiled leaning in to place a kiss on his lips.

"I love you." She didn't mean to say it. Her eyes widened when the words came out of her mouth. It was the second time she accidentally said it to him. She looked over at him and expected to see him completely shut down and pull away from her. But he didn't.

"One day I'll be able to say it back but not right now." He kissed her cheek. "I can accept that." She nodded walking away from him and towards the back.

"Taylor!" Claire ran into Taylor's room 30 minutes later. "What is it?" Taylor asked putting down the book she was reading. "I drew a picture for you." she smiled. "Really?" Taylor took the paper out of Claire's hands. It didn't even take a second for Taylor to start crying.

"See there's you and daddy and Noah and me and there's baby." She pointed to a blob on the paper. Taylor just nodded smiling at the word 'mommy' above Taylor's head.

"Why are you crying? You don't like it?" Claire looked hurt. "Oh no! I love it! These are happy tears. It's the hormones." Taylor flipped her hand like the little girl would know what hormones were.

"You can keep it." She smiled at Taylor. "Thank you for this, Claire." She pulled Claire in for a hug.

"What's wrong?" Ryan was at the door. His face was tense and he looked upset. "Nothing, Claire just drew me a picture." Taylor smiled handing it over to him. "Claire can I talk to Taylor real quick?" Ryan glanced at the paper and then at the little girl. "Yeah." She nodded skipping out of the room.

"Come here." He pulled her up off of the bed and kissed her passionately. She pulled away from him. "I'm not saying I don't like that…but what was it for?" she asked wiping the tears away. "Because you are amazing and because my kids love you. And because I'm starting to." He kissed her again.

"Gross!" Claire walked into the room. "Hey, what are you doing in here? I thought I asked you to leave us alone?" Ryan wasn't stern with his voice.

"I know but…I was just making sure you weren't mad at Taylor or me for calling her mommy in the picture…"

"I'm not mad at either of you. Know what Claire?" He looked at Taylor and then at Claire. "Yeah?"

"Do you really want Taylor to be your mommy?" He asked. Claire just nodded. "Then you can call her mommy." Ryan kissed Claire's nose before looking over at Taylor who was crying.

"Really?!" Claire beamed. "Really." Ryan nodded. Claire ran off to tell Noah.

"Are you sure, Ryan? I thought we wanted to go slow and this is definitely not slow." Taylor said as Ryan wiped the tears away from her face.

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it. I want us to be a family." He reached for her hand. "Only if you're sure about this because I…couldn't handle you changing your mind…" She said as he pulled her in to him. "I'm really sure. This is what I want."

"You two make me sick." Summer paced back and forth in the living room of her house a week after Ryan had started letting Claire and Noah call Taylor mom. It had been so surreal. As much as he loved it…part of him was hurting. Because it should have been Sadie that they called mommy. But Ryan had finally come to terms with her death. There was nothing he could do about it now. He could still love her but he could love Taylor too and that's exactly what he planned on doing.

"Why do we make you sick?" Taylor pulled away from the kiss Ryan had just given her. "Because you're all lovey dovey still in the honey moon phase and here I am just a few months pregnant and my husband completely hates me! He refuses to speak to me." Summer stopped and threw her hands in the air.

"He'll come around." Ryan tried. "Yeah easy for you to say. You only have Claire and Noah. I've got a whole soccer team in the backyard." She pointed out the window where all 6 kids were playing.

"Hey." Seth walked in the front door. "Well if it isn't my no good rotten husband. Have fun with your little assistant? Because obviously someone's getting some and it's not me!" Summer snapped.

"I don't know why you insist on more kids you become more of a bitch each time." Seth pulled at the tie around his neck. "Well if I didn't have you as a husband I doubt I'd be a bitch!" Taylor and Ryan both watched as Summer ran to the back of the house and Seth out the front door again.

"We have to do something. They are in love, they can't do this…Because if there is no hope for them then there's no hope for any of us…" Taylor shook her head releasing Ryan completely.

"Wow, Taylor just give up because of their relationship." Ryan spat.

"I'm sorry…I'm just scared. God if they can fight like that then we could too!"

"We're going to fight, that's what people do in relationships." Ryan tried.

"People get divorced. Which is why I don't even want to get married." Taylor brought her arms up and crossed them over her chest.

"Really?" Ryan looked a little hurt.

"Not unless I know that it could last. And well looking at every relationship besides the Cohen's then I know nothing can last. They are just like that one in a billion chance." Taylor started feeling insecure.

"I'm taking the kids home…you can come if you want but I wouldn't want you to risk anything." Ryan walked away from her angry.

"Don't be angry with me! It's not like you don't have your doubts about us! You're the reason why it's taken us this long to be together." Taylor cried. "Yeah because my first wife died, Taylor! She died. Tell me how I'm supposed to love again? But I did it. I learned and now here I am being put down again. I knew not to let you in our lives but I did. I put down the wall and I let you in! But just know if you don't come home with us today there is no way I can take you back." Ryan shook his head. "I'm coming home, Ryan. I wouldn't leave you three. I couldn't but Ryan I'm just scared." Taylor walked towards him. "Then let's go home." He didn't want to touch her, not yet.

"I'll sleep in my room tonight but are you coming to the appointment with me in the morning?" Taylor stood in Ryan's doorway later that night. He looked up at her. "I…yeah I am." She wanted him to ask her to get in the bed but there was no way he would do that so she turned around and started walking back to her room.

"Is there a huge elephant in this room or am I just feeling things?" Dr. Carter tried to joke with Taylor and Ryan. Taylor glared at him. "Just do what you have to do so we can leave…"

"So I was right…"

"It's none of your business now please just check her." Ryan snapped at the doctor. "Alright." Dr. Carter nodded.

"Everything seems up to date. I'll see you in 7 weeks for your next ultra sound. It might make it easier if you two made up or you just didn't come." The doctor eyed Ryan.

"Excuse me?" He looked at the young black haired man. "Look I think that this is putting a lot of stress on my patient."

"No, it's not really. I need him here with me even if he's mad." Taylor looked up at Ryan and then at the doctor. "Alright. Bye." The doctor smiled waving before leaving the room stealing one last look at Taylor before he left.

"I told you there's something wrong with him." Ryan told Taylor once they were in the car.

"I know…but I don't care what he says you're going to keep coming right?" Taylor glanced at Ryan. "Of course, I couldn't miss this experience." He finally cracked a small smile.

"Wow, we've already had our first fight and we've barely been together a month." Taylor laughed. "Yeah."

"Can we make it?" Taylor asked him as they turned onto the street going to Taylor's office. "I sure hope so. If you're willing to make it work than I am. I guess it's good to voice our doubts instead of keeping them in though…"

"Yeah, well you'll pick me up later right?" She asked opened the car door once he stopped in front of the large building. "Of course." He nodded. She didn't lean over like normal and give him a kiss. Instead she just gave him a smile before getting out of the car.

"Are you and mommy fighting?" Claire asked getting into the car. "Why would you ask that?" Ryan asked. "Because she slept in the guest room." Noah told him.

"It's just a misunderstanding. We'll work it out." Ryan gave them a weak smile.

"Good because I finally got my mommy and I don't want to give her up."

"You won't have to." That moment Ryan was more than determined to make things work with Taylor. Taylor got into the car after Ryan picked her up from work. "Summer's watching the kids. You and I are staying in and talking." Ryan glanced over at her. "Sounds good." Taylor took a deep breath. She was already feeling better.


	20. Chapter 19

**Finished editing this sooner than I thought and chapter 20 isn't really long so i'll go edit that now and post it too. Sorry if I'm going too fast! It's just I write pretty much all day at work. Which is why I went crazy without my USB! Enough of this, here you are!**

Chapter 19

"You start." Taylor faced Ryan on his bed. They were having their talk. After dropping the kids off at Seth and Summer's they decided to pick up a pizza and head home. Taylor placed the pizza in the middle of them before getting comfortable. "I don't know where to start." He rubbed the back of his neck. "How about at the beginning." She picked up a piece of the mushroom and pineapple side of the pizza. Ryan's side was just cheese.

"I've been lost since she died. Everyone leaves me. My mom. Marissa. Sadie. Even Lindsey left me. So I figured if they left then so would you. This pregnancy is freaking me out to be honest. You can't die…" Ryan stared at her.

Taylor placed the pizza back in the box and moved it from in between them. She scooted up to relieve the space that was there. She took his hands into hers before speaking.

"I am not going anywhere. I mean granted can't control when we die but I just want you to know that as long as I am alive, I'm here. I'm here for the long run. I will not leave you." She looked into his amazing blue eyes. "I don't deserve you."

"No Ryan Atwood I think it's the other way around." She smiled closing the gap between them even more with her lips. "So…maybe we could move you in here." Ryan smiled.

"I'm already living here…" She raised an eyebrow. "No, in here as in moving you into this room." He laughed. "Really?" Taylor beamed. "Yes really."

"Finally. I was wondering when you'd ask me again." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "So can we finally do this?" He kissed her passionately. "I think we can…but we have to pick Claire and Noah up." She pulled away from him. He groaned. "I know. But we have time?" He pulled her onto his lap. "I don't know…and how are you holding me. I'm so fat." Taylor whined.

"Not fat at all. Beautiful."

"Not even close to beautiful, boyfriend. I'm like a whale…but I kind of like it. Being pregnant. It's interesting. I mean I'm carrying this child inside of me."

"Isn't it strange how this was an accident but it was actually a good one."

"Ryan I really need to ask you something." She let out a sigh. "Go ahead." He got worried. "You're not with me just because of the baby right?"

"The baby brought us together but no I'm not with you just because of her."

"Her? We don't even know if this baby is a girl." Taylor laughed. "I have a feeling." He kissed Taylor again. "A girl…I wish he was here." Taylor leaned onto his chest. "Gavin?" He asked stroking her hair.

"Yes, you would have loved him. If I still had him…would you care for him like I care for Claire and Noah?" She asked seriously taking his other hand into hers.

"I was thinking about that the other day…and yeah I think I would." He nodded.

"Can you get anymore amazing?" She laughed. "You hungry?" He pointed to the pizza. "Maybe later. This little thing has my stomach acting us." Taylor suddenly felt a flutter but she didn't say anything. Not yet she wouldn't.

"I'm sorry. Come on I'll put this up and we can go get the kids." He stood up and took the box of pizza from the bed.

"Summer are you okay?" Taylor walked into the dark room. Apparently according to Seth Summer hadn't come out of her room.

"Taylor?' The 29 year old turned over to face her best friend. "Yeah." Taylor sat on the edge of the bed. "Is my husband here?" She wiped her eyes.

"Yes, he said he's been with the kids all day. Summer have you even gone to check up on the store?" The health food store Summer ran just a few blocks from them had been her life other than her family. "No, I haven't felt up to leaving. And I'm more than surprised he even thought about the kids."

"He loves you 5 but he's scared. Summer you're about to have baby number 5 making your family a total of 7 people."

"Yeah but Taylor no matter what he should be by my side. I mean I didn't make this baby alone!" She cried. "True." Taylor laughed. "I thought you were on the pill." Taylor looked at Summer. "I forgot to take it one day and well here I am." Summer picked at her nails.

"I'm right there with you. Except I wasn't on the pill. But I could have sworn we used a condom. I mean I was totally oblivious. I didn't care…as long as you know." She laughed.

"Thank you so much for not going into detail!" Summer sat up. "Now I think you need to get up and throw some clothes on and go downstairs to your family. And mine."

"So it's all official now?" Summer wanted details as she got out of the bed. Taylor reached over and turned a light on. "Very much so! We cleared up a few things…so hopefully everything works out for us. I really need you and Seth to work so that I know that Ryan and I can do this." She told Summer.

"We will work out, Taylor. I won't lose my family. I refuse. My mom left and I am not like her one bit." Summer pulled on a pair of pants. "Good." Taylor sighed.

"Hey beautiful." Ryan appeared behind Taylor wrapping his arms around her waist. "Mm. Hey." She leaned into his chest. They had just gotten home for the night.

"I'm tired." He took his arms from around her. "No." She groaned wanting to be back in his arms again. That was the only place she felt even remotely safe.

"Come on get in bed." He pulled back the covers letting her crawl in first. He spooned behind her letting her get comfortable against him.

"Daddy." There was a cry from the door. Ryan looked over and saw Claire standing there.

"Yeah?" He sat up. "Can I sleep with you and mommy. I had a bad dream." Claire climbed into the bed before even getting an answer. "Come here sweetie." Taylor opened her arms. Claire settled into them. Taylor snuggled against the little girl wanting to be a safe place for her. Wanting to be what Ryan was to Taylor. She knew she wouldn't be but it was worth the try.

"Girls come on wake up." Ryan gently woke the two girls who had meant the most to him right then. "No" Taylor and Claire both groaned together getting further into the blankets.

"I'll make pancakes." That's all Taylor had to hear and she popped he head up from the pillow moving Claire making her get up too.

"I knew that'd get you." He smiled and leaned over. "Sure you won't burn them?" Taylor asked.

"I'm pretty sure I can make pancakes."

"Good because I want blueberry ones oh and strawberries on top. Can you put bananas on top of that too?" Taylor smiled.

"Hungry? Yeah I think I can manage all of that." He nodded. "I want that too!" Clare called after him.

"You eating for two, too?" Taylor laughed pulling Claire in for a hug. "Are you?" Claire asked curiously. "Well yeah. Me and the baby."

"Does the baby steal your food? That's not very nice." Claire's brow furrowed. "No, I just eat more so I can feed him or her." Taylor explained. "Okay ." Claire was satisfied with that answer.

"Did you sleep in here last night?" Noah came into the bedroom. "Yupp, I had a bad dream and Daddy said I could sleep here with him and mommy." Claire smiled. "Dad said to get dressed for school." Noah told Claire. "I should get dressed too." Taylor got out of bed.

"Working today?" Ryan questioned Taylor once she appeared in the kitchen after awhile. "I'm only going half a day. I'll meet you at your office around 1." Taylor sat at the table as Ryan put her plate of pancakes in front of her. It was exactly what she had asked for.

"You are amazing." She smiled taking a bite of the food. "I try."

"So where's your little assistant or whatever she is." Ryan walked into Ryan's office that afternoon. "I fired her." Ryan was drawing something or other. "You what?" Taylor asked happily. "Yeah, she was talking bad about you. I couldn't have that. I'd rather not risk anything, you know?" He finally looked up at her.

"This doesn't mean I'm changing doctors." She pointed out. "Yeah…I know. At least we have a few weeks before we have to see him again." Ryan smiled. "Good. I think I'm going to head home, you look like you're busy."

"I'm swamped to be honest."

"Then I'll see you later. Want me to pick the kids up?" she asked going over to his side of the desk. "Would you mind?" He stood up. "Nope." She leaned forward to kiss him.

"I don't know if I can hold out much longer." He whispered huskily into her ear. "It's not the right time…Plus I feel so gross and fat. Who would want to sleep with this?" She pulled away from him and motioned towards her body. "Me. Taylor you're not fat. How many times do I need to tell you that?"

"As many as you can until I actually believe it." She walked out of his office.


	21. Chapter 20

**Last post of the night! Tomorrow i'm adding the 4 chapters i've finished of my newest fic! Which is by far the saddest thing to write! Anyways this isn't about that. This is about this one. **

Chapter 20

"God, you are beautiful." Ryan lifted up Taylor's shirt to reveal a round stomach. "Me or the baby?" She laughed. "You." He kissed around her belly button. "That tickles." Taylor giggled. "Does this?" He went a little lower. "Yeah." She moaned. She was 15 weeks pregnant. Her and Ryan had become official over a month now almost two and Taylor didn't want this happiness to stop.

"I am so lucky." Taylor smiled. "Yeah, me too. Can we…you know?" He raised his eyebrows "Tomorrow?" She smiled. "I can wait another day." He crawled up her boy to kiss her on the lips. "Good because I already talked to Seth and he promised to watch Claire and Noah."

"You already planned this?" He asked. "Yes I did." She laughed. "Can't wait." He kissed her again.

"I need to get the clothes out of the washer. Come on." Taylor tried pushing him off of her. "Nope." He pulled off his t-shirt. "Ryan don't tempt me." She giggled roaming his chest with her hands.

"Not stopping." He kissed her neck and then lower. "God how can you be attracted to this fat body." Taylor rolled her eyes.

"Because it's not fat, it's beautiful. It's perfect. Because that's my baby in there."

"That seems kind of weird…I mean you have sex with me it's like…"

"Don't say it. It's not like that and you know it." He groaned moving off of her and laying beside her on the bed. "Where did you go." She reached for him. "I thought you had laundry?" he raised an eyebrow. "I lied. Now get back over here." She pulled on him as he got back to his position from before.

"Tonight." Taylor whispered in his ear the next morning. Friday. "Can't wait. I mean with that little preview yesterday…" He kissed her on the lips. "You liked that?" She laughed as he nodded. "Well…" But she was interrupted by a huge

"yuck!" Coming from the youngest Atwood, well the youngest who wasn't in Taylor's stomach currently. "You know one day you'll be in love." Taylor looked over at her not wanting to catch Ryan's eyes. "No she won't!" She heard him say.

"It's the inevitable she's a gorgeous girl and she'll only get more gorgeous as the years go by. Oh, tell me you aren't going to be one of those obsessive fathers who don't let their little girls have a boyfriend."

"Actually yeah I am."

"That's kind of cute." Taylor giggled kissing him again forgetting that Claire was still in the room.

"Dad." Noah groaned walking into the kitchen too. "Sorry." Taylor and Ryan both said breaking apart from each other. "Come on guys let's get going." Ryan told them. He leaned over and kissed her on the lips before walking out the front door.

"So the kids are with Summer and we have entire house to ourselves all night. What should we do?" Taylor walked over to where Ryan was sitting at the kitchen table. She straddled him before kissing him gently on the lips. "I can think of a few things." He kissed back.

"Hold that thought!" She cried before jumping off of his lap and running for the toilet. "I thought you were done with this." He followed her.

"Yeah so did I but apparently this baby doesn't want me close to you!" Taylor cried after she had thrown up several times into the toilet. "The mood is ruined isn't it?" He asked sighing.

"God, I just want to be with you! But no something has to happen like me throwing up and me not wanting to have sex anymore. It's not that I'm not attracted to you because believe me it's been hard to keep my hands off of you but I don't feel sexy. I don't feel up to par for you to love. If that makes any sense. I'm sorry…I know we had tonight all planned out. I've been waiting for it for so long, you have no idea. But I'm just…stressed." She flailed her arms emphasizing words as she spoke.

"Stressed?" He helped her up off of the floor. "I…yeah…I need to tell you something."

"Yeah?" "I went to pick up my mail from the apartment yesterday and finish getting everything sent over here and I found this…" She pulled the envelope out of her pocket. "What is it?"

"It's a letter…from Steve."


	22. Chapter 21

**I decided next chapter i'll bring psycho steve in to make crazy in the lives of these characters. I figure drama needs to happen. He just didn't fit into this one correctly. **

Chapter 21

"Why didn't you show me this yesterday?" She took the letter from her. "I don't know…I was just so happy about tonight and I guess…I started feeling guilty. Then after I sat here and threw up…I couldn't go back in there and kiss you without showing it to you." She said walking out of the bathroom and into their bedroom. "I…" He trailed off following her. "Just…read it. Ryan, I'm totally freaking out. He knows where I am. He knows about you and Claire and Noah and he knows about the baby. I don't know how he knows but he does."

"There's no return address on here." Ryan looked at the envelope. "Of course there isn't! He'd be stupid to put one on there because we could track him that way. Just…read it." Taylor closed her eyes feeling nauseous again. "I don't know if I can." He tries handing the letter back to Taylor.

"I think…that it would be best…if I leave."

"What? You can't be serious."

"I am…I wanted tonight to be special. I've been planning it all week and last night and this morning. And it really set in probably 10 minutes ago that I am putting your family in danger over some stupid guy that I once dated." Ryan looked at Taylor like she was crazy.

He wanted to snap her out of this and tell her that she was their family. That she was part of his life but he just couldn't speak. He was falling in love with her…but on other hand he had his kids to think of. He needed them. But what kind of man would he be to let the woman who was carrying his child just leave? She needed him as much as he needed her if not more. So as she tried walking past him to leave the room he grabbed her.

"You are not leaving this family." Was all he said and he pulled her close to him and let her cry on his chest as she tried fighting him to let her go but it wasn't happening and she soon gave in to his arms.

"But the kids…our baby…you…" She cried. "I'm going to protect all of you. God, Taylor I wish I could take this away. I wish I could have been there for you all those years ago so you weren't hurt like this. I don't regret my time with Sadie but I do regret us falling apart. You and me." He told her.

"I'm so sorry. It was all my fault…"

"Not really. I moved on so quickly. I was so heart broken and I married the first girl who walked back into my life. I thought my life was perfect. But we were struggling with everything when Sadie got pregnant my senior year of college. Noah wasn't planned…but Claire was. We were still in a bad place financially but we didn't want them to be too far apart in age…sometimes I think if we hadn't wanted Claire…she'd still be here. But lately I've realized I can't think like that because I can't imagine my life without her…and Noah…and now you."

"How long were you married?" She asked. "Five years."

"You married her your sophomore year?" She asked clinging tighter to his body. "Yeah…"

"Ryan…I love you." She whispered. "Why?" That question threw Taylor off a little as she soaked up her tears and pulled away from him.

"Why? Because you're amazing. Because you love Noah and Claire and you are an amazing father to them. Because you aren't afraid of being you around me. Because you don't care how I'll react to something, you do it anyway. You…just…amaze me and because I can't explain the way I feel about you." She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I love you too." Taylor was once again caught off guard. "What did you just say?" She asked her eyes wide with hope.

"I just said…" He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. This was even harder to say the second time around. "I love you."

"That's what I thought you said but you know I figured that you didn't mean it so I needed you to say it again and…" She rambled. "Taylor, just shut up." He leaned captured her lips on his. She pulled away from him.

"Not until I do something with this vomit breath." She laughed as she pulled her arms from around his neck. "Hurry." He whispered in her ear.

"So…does this mean the mood is restored?" She stood in the doorway of the bedroom. "For now. But I do think we need to talk about the whole Steve thing. And how we're going to handle it all."

"Will you read the letter?" She asked. "Yeah, but first…I'd rather read your body." He smiled getting up from the bed and walking over to her. "That was so cheesy." She then kissed him. "Yeah…but you liked it."

"I must admit I did."

"DADDY!" Ryan was woken up by a loud yell that seemed to be far too close to his ear. He jumped up. "Daddy…" Claire smiled at him. "Uh, yeah?" He rubbed his eyes. "I just wanted to tell you I'm home now." She smiled sweetly. "That's good…" He nodded.

"Yeah, Uncle Sethy said that he couldn't handle us anymore. Then he said that you needed to be woken up even if you had a long night. Daddy, why did you have a long night?" Ryan could kill Seth. "Where's Taylor?" He looked around not answering his daughter. "Kitchen. She said she was having this weird craving for pickles." Claire scrunched up her nose.

"Oh well…why don't you go see what she's up to and I'll be in there in a minute. Okay?" He smiled at her. "Okay, but you never answered me. Were you sick or something?" She questioned. "Yeah." He nodded trying to hide the smile as he remembered the night before.

It had been perfect…and exactly how he imagined it. Nothing like the first time…which he had seen as a mistake before but that just wasn't the case anymore. Sure, it wasn't planned but not many things. The amazing things in Ryan's life weren't planned…besides Claire of course but what he hadn't planned on was losing his wife when Claire was born. So many plans just weren't the right way to go about things in his life.

Ryan stood up after Claire skipped out of the room and pulled a pair of sweat pants on. He pulled a t-shirt over his head and walked towards the kitchen.

"You know these pickles are so amazing." Taylor met him in the hall. She was holding a jar of pickles which looked like Taylor had eaten more than just a couple.

"How many have you eaten of those?" He laughed pointing to the jar.

"Well…I lost count about 5 minutes ago. Is that bad?" She lowered the pickle from her mouth.

"Don't know. Sadie never had weird cravings." He shrugged.

"Now that's just weird! With Gavin I wanted to eat dirt…which tasted better than I thought it would."

"You ate dirt?" He raised an eyebrow as he was finally able to get the pickle jar out of her tight grip. "Don't say it like that! You make me sound weird…and insane. But yes…once. I didn't eat it again. I know you're probably thinking that's a little strange but…"

"More than a little." He laughed as he moved past her down the hall.

"Well you try being pregnant and craving dirt." She followed him. "I think I'll pass." He smirked. "On the being pregnant part or eating dirt?"

"Both?" He didn't want to upset her…he could feel something coming. Mainly a yell from the pregnant woman following him. The woman that he was in love with.

"Well. So if the tables were turned you'd be saying the same thing?" There it was.

"Taylor. The tables aren't turned so…let's not talk about it?" They reached the kitchen. "Fine. Only because I love you. Otherwise I would want an explanation. I personally do not find it fair that I have to carry a child for 9 months and all you have to do is stick yourself in me. Do you find it fair?" She stood in front of him. "I thought we were dropping it?"

"We were until you started avoiding my questions."

"Here's your jar of pickles." He smiled hoping she's take it as a sign to change the subject. He didn't know what to say and he wasn't about to say the wrong thing and have her storming off and being mad at him.

"Fine fine but I will bring this topic back up in the future."

"Please don't." He groaned pulling her into his arms. "Alright…so what did Claire say?"

"What do you mean?" He asked confused. "She told you what Seth said, right?"

"About why you had a long night." She giggled.

"Oh God. I really need to have a talk with him. I would rather avoid talking to my daughter about those kinds of things." He put his forehead against hers.

"Me too. Seeing as she asked me why I was wearing your shirt. So I had to go change."

"Sorry. I'll talk to Seth later." Ryan kissed her.

"Do you guys ever stop that?" Noah groaned rolling his eyes at them. Taylor laughed at the boy.

"How was Seth and Summers?" Taylor asked pulling from Ryan's arms. "They were fighting again…so I stayed in the living room. The twins wouldn't stop crying the whole night. Kyle and Eva were fighting with Claire…I didn't want to be there."

"I'm sorry, kid." Ryan walked over and ruffled his hair.

"Don't do that, Dad. You're going to mess it up." Noah pulled away from him and ran to the nearest mirror and started fixing his hair. Ryan looked over at Taylor who was trying to hold in her laughter. "And that matters?" Ryan questioned.

"Of course it matters. Lane likes my hair like this." He pointed to his hair after he was done fixing it. "Who's Lane?" Taylor asked intrigued walking towards him. Noah's cheeks turned red instantly.

"So is Lane the girl that likes you?" Taylor smiled.

"I don't want to talk 'bout it." He ducked and walked out of the room. "Well that was weird…" Ryan walked over to the kitchen table and sat down.

"Just a bit." Taylor shrugged. "So, how's my baby doing this morning?" Ryan put his ear up against Taylor's stomach when after she walked over to him and stood between his legs.

"Which one?" She laughed. "This one. But how's my other one?" He pointed to her stomach indicating the baby and then looked up at her smiling.

"Well the baby and I voted and we decided daddy needs to make us some of his amazing pancake's for breakfast." "Oh, is that so?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Yes. Now chop chop, we are hungry!" Taylor clapped her hands together.

"What if I don't want to?"

"You'd really deny your child food?" She feigned hurt. "Alright, but I'm only doing it for the baby." He kissed her stomach one last time before standing up.

"That's all I ask. But daddy do you think you could put whipped cream on top? Our baby would REALLY like that." She giggled. "Strawberries too?" He looked through the fridge.

"That would be nice, right baby?" She patted her stomach. Ryan just laughed shaking his head.

"Those were amazing." Taylor leaned back against the chair. "I'm glad." He kissed her lips.

"Mmhmm." She groaned into his mouth.

"So, do you guys do that around your kids all of the time?" Summer walked into the house. Ryan stopped kissing Taylor.

"Jeeze, Summer you scared me. Wait the front door was locked…I really need to get that key back." He rolled his eyes. Summer sat down. "There's some pancake's left over" Taylor motioned towards the counter.

"Oh! Atwood pancakes are my favorite!" She giggled standing up and grabbing a plate.

"So what's going on? Where's the kids?" Ryan questioned as she scarfed down the pancakes.

"With their father. He always leaves them with me so I figure he can take care of them too. Although I do have a slight feeling everything's going to work out okay. He actually smiled at me this morning. Which I might say is a start because he hasn't smiled at me since he found I was pregnant with baby number 5." Summer pointed with her fork. "Well that's good…you have to start somewhere, right?" Ryan folded his hands on the table.

"Yes but enough about me. How was your night last night?"

"Oh, you know nothing special." Taylor flipped her hand. Ryan glared at her. Taylor giggled a little.

"Uh-huh, whatever." She rolled her eyes.


	23. Chapter 22

**So I sort of lied. Steve's not back yet. But here's the next chapter. And Steve will be back sooner or later. Just wait and see!**

Chapter 22

"He's insane! How did you date this freak?" Ryan thrust Steve's letter across his desk. He had finally read it after a week. Now he was wishing he hadn't. The guy was blackmailing them. He threatened each of their lives and that was not sitting well with Ryan. "I was…alone." She looked down at the floor.

"I can understand that." He shrugged wanting her to looked back at him.

"Yeah well, I was stupid. You made a good choice in marrying Sadie." She sat on the edge of the queen sized bed. "Do you or did you regret having Gavin?" Ryan sat next to her taking her hand. "Never."

"Well in a way you made a good choice too. Even if he didn't live long…wasn't the time with him perfect?" he asked. "Yeah…" She held tighter to his hand.

"Think of it this way…if we changed one little thing would we be here right now?" he whispered to her. She shook her head. "If it weren't for Gavin I would have stayed in France. I had everything going for me there…"

"I'm glad you are here." He gave her a smile motioning her to come over and sit on his lap. She sat down and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm really glad I'm here." She kissed him on the lips.

"I…" He tried stopping the kiss. "What?" She pulled away from him. "love." He kissed down her neck. "Who?" She giggled. "You."

"Why?" She mocked the question he had asked a week before.

"I can't explain it. There are no words to describe how perfect and amazing you are. You treat Claire and Noah like they are your own and it's…amazing to see you three interact. I can't imagine you not being in this life. And I can't imagine us not having this baby." He laid his hand gently on her round stomach. "I love you too." She kissed him.

"That's great but I have a meeting to get to. I don't want to leave you…but I have to. You should stay here while I'm gone. He won't know where to find you…" Ryan looked at her.

"I'd just rather go home…he doesn't know where you live." She tried to smile. "Alright, but be careful. Okay?" She nodded. "I love you." She smiled before hopping off of his lap.

"If something seems wrong or is wrong call me. Tell my new secretary it's an emergency. Okay?" He asked her a little sternly. "Promise."

"Wait, Taylor I forgot." Ryan stopped her. "Hmm?" She turned around. "Friday night there's this event or benefit or something and I'm supposed to go want to go with me?" He looked a little shy. Taylor giggled at the slight blush on his face. "Well, I thought I got away from those things when I left Newport. But yeah, sure I'll go." She nodded walking over and kissing him one last time before leaving the office.

"You're home." Taylor jumped up from the couch where she was sitting watching some random movie on TV. "I decided to cut out early." He grinned as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Have anything to do with Steve?" She smiled. "Partly." He nodded. "Or did you just want to come home to kiss me?" She kissed him. "That's the other part." He laughed.

"Good, I was just thinking about you. There was some commercial on TV that reminded me of you."

"And what was it about." He asked as they walked towards the couch together. "I don't even remember." She said with a flip of her wrist. "Uh-huh." He raised an eyebrow.

"So, I've been looking through this book and I've added more names to the list." She smiled widely.

"What list?" He asked confused. "The baby name list!" She thrust the list at him. "I like Adalyn still." She shrugged looking at it. "Just tell me which of those names you like." She cuddled up next to him as he put his arm around her. "Amelie?"

"Ryan, why don't you look at the boys names too." Taylor laughed.

"Because we aren't having a boy."

"You don't know that." She snuggled even closer. "It's a feeling. Just go with it." He shrugged. "If our baby is a boy then it's your fault we only picked out girls names." She laughed.

"How about this, we discuss it all when we actually figure out what our baby is." He reasoned. "Sounds like a good idea to me. Now you have two hours until you get the kids. What could we do with our time?" She giggled as he stood up and pulled her with him laying the paper with the baby names on it aside. "Oh I think I could think of a few things."

"Daddy!" Claire yelled. That girl always seemed to be yelling something or other. "Claire, Taylor's sleeping." Ryan said in a whisper coming out of the bed room. Seth walked in holding one of the twins. "They wanted to come home." Seth shrugged. Ryan just nodded.

"Where's your woman?" Seth asked putting his kid down.

"Sleeping. Which is why I need you guys to be quiet." He looked at all of the kids. The other twin bound into the room. "Where's the other two?" Ryan asked Seth walking into the kitchen.

"They were following me." Seth looked behind him. "Soon you're going to have to be driving a bus." Ryan joked opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water. "Don't joke like that."

"Summer said things are getting better." Ryan took a sip from the bottle.

"Yeah, a little. I mean I'm still freaked out but I love her. I can't leave her. It's not possible." Seth leaned against the counter. Ryan nodded. "Daddy!" Claire ran into the kitchen.

"Yeah?" Ryan asked the brunette.

"Kyle and Eva are gone!" Claire pointed. Ryan had never seem Seth jump up so quickly. He'd barely even seen the guy run but he was running then.

"I thought you said they followed you in!" Ryan yelled at Seth. "I thought they did!" Seth pulled on his hair. He looked sick. Ryan ran through the house looking for them. They weren't there.

"Did you check out back?" He asked Seth.

"Yeah, I checked everywhere!" Seth freaked out.

"Come on, I'll wake Taylor." Ryan threw his keys at Seth.

"Taylor." Ryan shook his girlfriend. "Hmmm?" She stirred. "Come on, you have to get up. Kyle and Eva are missing." "What?" She shot up in bed. "You have to watch the twins and Claire."

"Dad, what's wrong?" Noah ran into the room. "Kyle and Eva are missing. Keep an eye on your sister." He directed Noah.

"Oh My God." Taylor jumped up pulling some clothes on. "I'll be back later." He kissed her cheek before walking quickly out the front door.

"If they just walked off they couldn't have gone far." Ryan told Seth.

"Ryan, those are my kids! They are my life!" Seth cried.

"I know, man. We're going to find them?" Ryan looked over at his brother.

"I'm calling Summer. Then the police."

"Where are my kids?" Summer burst into Ryan's house not too much later, she was crying. "Oh Summer." Taylor walked over to her.

"Where are they?" Summer asked again as Taylor pulled her close. "Ryan and Seth are looking for them. They couldn't gotten far, Sum." Taylor tried.

"On foot but what if…" Summer trailed off. "Let's not think about that." Taylor felt nervous. If one of her kids were missing she'd be a huge wreck right then. Summer started pacing the kitchen. Taylor had just put the twins down for bed. Noah and Claire were sitting at the table drawing something.

"The police are here, Summer." Taylor told her. "Okay." She nodded through the tears. "Come on guys, it's bed time." Taylor smiled weakly at Noah and Claire.

"Did they find Kyle and Eva yet?" Claire innocently asked hopping off of the chair. "No, baby. They didn't. Go get dressed for bed and I'll be in there to tuck you in." She smiled at the girl. Claire just nodded.

"Is dad coming home?" Noah asked before walking to his room. "I'm sure he is, kid. Want me to tuck you in too?" She asked.

"Would you?" His face lit up. "Of course." She smiled.

Taylor walked past the cops in the living room and into Claire's bedroom. She was pulling her night shirt over her head.

"Hey, mommy." Claire smiled over at her.

"Hey baby girl." Taylor walked over to Claire. She pulled back Claire's covers and helped the little girl climb in. She kissed Claire's forehead.

"You know I love you, right?" Taylor asked her. Claire just nodded smiling. "Good, sleep tight baby." Taylor put the nightlight on for the 5 year old.

"Hey, kid." Taylor walked into Noah's room. "Hey mom." He gave her a smile from his bed. He was already laying down. She sat on the edge of his bed.

"What's wrong?" She asked. "I'm just worried about Kyle and Eva." He shrugged. "Me too. But we're going to find them, okay? I promise." She kissed his temple.

"I love you mom." He whispered before falling asleep. "I love you too." She smiled turning off his light. She loved that Claire and Noah had adjusted to her so well. The last thing she had wanted was to replace Sadie.

"Any luck?" Taylor walked out into the living room from the back of the house. Ryan just shook his head and walked over to her.

"I'm so worried." She leaned her head on his chest. "Me too." He kissed the top of it. Taylor looked over at Summer who was sitting on the couch. She looked like she was about to pass out. Her skin was ghostly pale.

"Summer." Taylor pulled away from Ryan and walked over to her. Seth was pacing the room.

"I'm a horrible mother." She cried in her hands. "No, you're not. This isn't your fault."

"It's mine." Seth said. "Don't blame yourself." Taylor tried.

"Actually he should blame himself. It's his fault my kids aren't here right now." Summer cried. "You think I wanted this to happen, Summer? You think I deliberately lost our kids?"

"No but I have to blame someone and I wasn't here when it happened!" Summer cried and walked quickly out the front door.


	24. Chapter 23

**So I was finally able to get this out. I'm not happy with it but it's all I can come with so it'll have to do. I'm stressed out right now. Baby's gender should be in the next chapter. Oh and just so you know the kids aren't found yet. They won't be for awhile. Steve will show his face by then.**

Chapter 23

"Do they know either of your cell phone numbers? I mean just in case…" Taylor trails off trying to figure something out. Nothing's working. It's been a full 24 hours and the kids are still gone and they still have no lead to where they could possibly be.

"Yeah, uhm Kyle knows them. The house phone too." Summer has her head in her hands. They hadn't left Ryan's house since the kids had gone missing. Sandy and Kirsten had come down and were going to stay at Seth and Summer's just in case the kids showed up there.

"You two should probably go to bed." Ryan told his girlfriend and Summer. Summer hadn't slept a wink since the kids had gone missing and it was already starting to take a toll on her pregnant body. Taylor had barely closed her eyes but she had at least gotten some sleep. "No, not until my children are back." Summer said calmly. Almost too calmly.

"I can't sleep alone." Taylor looks up at Ryan with sad eyes. He nods and helps her up off of the couch. They leave the busy living room. Claire and Noah had just gone to bed and the twins hadn't been too far behind them.

"I can't imagine what they are going through." Taylor says pulling her shirt over her head. Ryan's sitting on the bed with his head in his hands breathing heavily.

"Me either." He looks up at her. "It's so hot in this stupid house." Taylor cries not wanting to put on another shirt.

"You just turned the A/C down not 10 minutes ago and I'm freezing." Ryan stood up.

"I guess it's just me and my stupid pregnant body." She pouts.

"Your pregnant body is beautiful. And it's far from stupid." He tells her tiredly. "Good answer." She smiled slightly.

"I don't think I can sleep. So I'll just lay here with you." He tells her after she's crawled underneath the covers. "Okay." She nods and turns towards him.

"How come I can't help but think this is my fault." Taylor whispers into the dark room.

"Why would you think that?" He's pulling her closer. "I don't know, Ry. That letter…what if…what if Steve did this?" Taylor looks up into his eyes.

"I don't see why he would, Taylor. I mean he threatened Claire and Noah not Summer's kids. I mean what do they have to do with you?"

"Maybe…" She trails off not wanting to think or talk about it anymore.

"Everything's going to work out." He runs his hand through her hair. Taylor doesn't notice the uncertainty on his face.

A month has passed now. Four long weeks. Weeks that seemed to drag on to no end waiting to hear something. Nothing changed. The kids were still gone and the police had no leads whatsoever as to where the two of them were. Summer had given them every bit of info that she could. None of it helped.

"Ry?" Taylor walks into the kitchen where her boyfriend is watching the coffee pot. He looks like he hasn't slept in days.

"Why aren't you in bed?" She asks since it's 3 a.m. Summer had finally started sleeping a week or two after the kids were missing. She and Seth were currently camped out in the living room while the twins slept in the spare room. Summer said the room was too far away in case the kids came back so she refused to stay in there. Seth had refused right along with her.

"I couldn't sleep. I'm just…Taylor what if we don't find them?" He looks into her eyes as she walks towards him. She takes a deep breath before pulling her hand through her long hair. "I don't know, Ryan." She says simply.

"Summer can't keep going like this. She's barely eating and when she does it just comes back up. She's going to lose the baby." Ryan told Taylor.

"She won't listen to me, Ryan. I've tried to tell her that but she's hurting. She's broken and I can't say I wouldn't be the same way. I would if my kids had gone missing out of thin air." She told him truthfully. "You're right. I'd probably be worse." He leaned against the counter and pulled her into his arms. She rested her head on his chest.

"You going to my doctor's appointment with me in the morning?" She asks placing her hands on his back. "I forgot about that, but yeah."

"You forgot?" She pushed away from him. "It's just with everything going on…" He says. "I know, Ryan but it's been posted on the fridge since we made the appointment."

"I know, Taylor. I'm sorry. I'll be there." He pulls her back into him. He needs to feel her close. "It's her birthday. Or was." He speaks out of nowhere. Taylor's surprised to hear him say that.

"Sadie's?" She asked just making sure. He nods. Of course he was talking about her.

"I'm so sorry, Ryan. If you want you don't have to come today. You can spend the day with Noah and Claire." She says. "They have school. They can't afford to miss anymore days."

"I know, but today you need to be with them."

"I think it'd be better if I were with you." He kissed the top of her head.

"Okay." She nods into his chest.

For some reason Taylor is nervous. She just wants everything to be okay with her baby, she couldn't handle if something were wrong. Even Ryan's hand in hers isn't reassuring enough.

"Where's your head?" He asks. "What if the baby is hurt?" She looks at him.

"Why would the baby be hurt?"

"I don't know! Things happen." She sighs. As he was about to say something Dr. Carter walked into the room. He had a smile on his face.

"I see you two have made things better." He says sitting down in the chair across from Taylor.

"That is none of your business." Ryan says to him. "Taylor, how are you feeling? Still having morning sickness?" Dr. Carter directs his attention to Taylor.

"I feel great. Not really. Every now and then…but it's not like it was before." She tells him taking a deep breath.

"Good. Ready to see your baby? You do want to know the sex, right?" He asks. "Yes." Taylor smiles leaning back and squeezing Ryan's hand gently.


	25. Chapter 24

**A fill in chapter. AND I have settled on two names for the baby. They are mentioned in the chapter and if you prefer one over the other you should tell me and i'll put it into consideration! I'm not saying which one until the baby is born. Anyhow enough of this, onward with the chapter!**

Chapter 24

It had taken Taylor a full two hours to decide on the paint color for the baby's room. Which happened to be the former guest room. Claire and Noah both had refused to share a room with the baby and since the guest room wasn't being used they decided to give the baby their own bedroom. Taylor was watching Ryan paint the room. He had told her the color she picked was a bit strange but she told him it was perfect and he ended up going along with it.

Seth had somehow been able to coax Summer into going back to their house with promises of calling if something changed. Taylor didn't tell anyone but she had a feeling that nothing would change.

"Well, I must say you were right." Ryan stepped back examining his work. It was nice to have something to take his mind off of Kyle and Eva. He was worried.

"Aren't I always? Really, Ryan, you should never question me and my choices." Taylor smiled placing her hand on her stomach.

"Do you like it baby?" Taylor looked down at her bump. Ryan chuckled at her. "I sure hope so. I don't have the energy to re-do this."

"You know you'd redo it for us." Taylor pouted her lip out. "Yeah but please tell me I won't have to." He wiped his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt. Taylor had gotten cold so she decided the AC needed to be turned off completely. Even though the windows were down the heat was still getting to him.

"You don't have to. But I just wanted to make sure you would." She smiled. Taylor suddenly felt a kick. It almost made her hunch over. "Are you okay?" Ryan had walked over to her.

"Yeah, it's just…the baby kicking." She smiled taking his hand and placing it on her stomach. He smiled down at the feeling of the slight movements under his hand. Ryan brought his girlfriend into his arms and leaned his forehead against hers.

"You are amazing." He told her.

"Mmm, because I'm pregnant with your baby?" She asked joking. "Nope, because you're Taylor. You being pregnant is a bonus."

"Oh, really?" She giggled as he kissed her lips slightly. "As much as I love you and everything you smell, so can you possibly take a shower before kissing me like that?" She asked pushing him away.

"Thanks babe." He rolled his eyes at her. "Hey, you've been sweating and as hot as it is watching you work and sweat and everything it isn't hot against my skin." She grimaced thinking about it.

"Fine. I'll go take a shower. Want to join?" Taylor thought he was joking until she saw the expression in his eyes.

"No, I think I'll pass. Plus if I'm in there I doubt you'd get clean. Plus Kirsten and Sandy should be here soon with the kids."

"Alright." He kissed her lips one last time before leaving the baby's room. Taylor took a moment to look around the room. That was until the paint fumes got to be a little too much for her sensitive smell. She left the room and plopped down on the couch in the living room. She turned the TV on and settled for the news.

"Mommy!" Claire ran into the house and into Taylor's arms like she hadn't seen her in years.

"Hey, baby." Taylor kissed the top of the brunette's head. "I missed you so much." Claire squeezed Taylor tightly.

"I missed you too. Claire are you okay?" Taylor asked once Claire released her grip. "Yeah, I just missed you." Claire shrugged.

"Alright. Where's your brother and grandparents?" Taylor asked her. "Getting the stuff out of the car." Claire told her before hopping off to the back of the house. Taylor shook her head laughing at the little girl.

"Mom!" Noah rushed over and hugged Taylor much like Claire did. They had always hugged her but nothing like this. This was something new.

"How was your weekend?" Taylor asked the 9 year old. "It was okay. You and dad weren't there though…" After Noah said that Taylor realized what the problem was. This weekend was the first time they had slept overnight somewhere with Ryan and Taylor.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. You should check out the guest room. Your dad painted it for the baby." Taylor squeezed his hand before he ran off like Claire.

"How were they this weekend?" Taylor asked Kirsten while they were cooking dinner together. "They were distant. Claire cried most of the weekend and Noah stayed to himself. I've never seen them like that. Usually they are so excited to stay in Berkeley with us." Kirsten sighs cutting up the tomato in front of her.

"I think I know what it is. I mean I'm not sure but from what I've gathered from them which isn't much at all I have a feeling it's because of Kyle and Eva being missing. I mean it was the first time they'd stayed over since they had come up missing."

"I get what you're saying and you know you may just be right. Claire kept asking for you all weekend, it was sad but very sweet." Kirsten gave Taylor a smile.

"I love her to death. Like she's my own. I can't imagine my life right now without the three of them in it, you know? They have completed everything that was missing." Taylor told her. Kirsten reached over and squeezed Taylor's arm gently giving her a warm smile knowing exactly what she meant.

"So when are you going to tell us the sex of the baby?" Kirsten asked as she puts the tomato's into the salad she was preparing.

"To be honest I don't know. Maybe dinner, maybe not. We'll have to see." Taylor smiled at her. "Not fair." Kirsten laughed. "I know."

"You didn't tell anyone did you?" Taylor asked Ryan after dinner was finished and she had gone to their room to get him.

"Nope, you?" He asked sitting up. "Not a soul." She leaned over and kissed him.

"Dinner ready?" He asked after they broke apart. "Oh yeah, I knew there was a reason I came in here." "Come on, I'm starving. I mean since you refused to let me eat while I was painting the baby's room."

"I did not refuse, I just said it'd be easier if you just waited." She put her hands on her hips. "Same thing." He shrugs and stands up from the bed. "Totally not the same thing." She had to have the last word.

Everyone was around the table within the next few minutes. Summer and Seth had returned but Summer had said she wasn't hungry. Everyone knew she had to be seeing as she hadn't eaten that entire day. Summer had been looking really sick lately. She was losing weight instead of gaining it like she should have been doing with the baby.

"She really should be eating something." Kirsten told Seth. Seth just shrugged at her and said that she'd eat when she was hungry and told them all to stop worrying.

"So, I think it's time you two told us what you're having." Sandy announced after the plates were cleared from the table. Seth had gone off to comfort Summer while she put the twins to bed. "What do you say, Taylor? Should we tell them?" Ryan looks over at her. She's smiling and rubbing circles on her stomach. "I don't know."

"Come on, Daddy! I wanna know!" Claire burst out. Everyone started laughing at her. "Well since Princess over there wants to know then we'll tell you." Ryan walked over to Taylor and put his hand on the back of her chair.

"It's a girl!" Taylor exclaimed not being able to hold it in any longer. "A girl!" Kirsten jumped up from her chair and ran over to hug both Taylor and Ryan.

"So I get another sister? Great." Noah rolls his eyes in a joking manor. "You know you'll love her." Ryan tells him.

"So have you chosen any names?" Sandy asked them.

"Yes, right now it's either Adalyn or Amelie. We decided to wait until we see her to decide which one." Taylor told them all.

"Middle name?" Kirsten asked. "Not telling. That one's a secret." Taylor smiled wide.

"Fine, I guess I can live with that." Kirsten laughed happy for both Ryan and Taylor. Kirsten couldn't help but be proud of her son and his girlfriend. They had done so well for themselves and now they were starting a family together. She loved that both Claire and Noah had taken so well to Taylor. That was the only thing she worried about with their relationship.

"Alright, off to bed you two." Ryan told his kids. Noah groaned and Claire skipped off to her room. Sandy and Kirsten were going to be staying at a hotel that night since Ryan's house was obviously full.

"I'm sorry about not having any room for you two." Ryan told Sandy and Kirsten just before they were leaving. "It's fine. We'll come by in the morning before we go home. Take care." Sandy told them.


	26. Chapter 25

**Really short and i skipped a few months. Taylor is now 8 months pregnant and Summer is 7. I promise i'll bring the kids back soon. 5 or 6 more chapters to go. **

Chapter 25

"Eat this, Summer or I will shove it down your throat!" Eight months pregnant Taylor Townsend sat the plate of food in front of her best friend. "I told you Taylor, I'm not hungry." That was it. Taylor was tired of Summer rejecting food. She was tired of it. Sure the kids were still missing and Summer was upset but she was slowly killing her baby by not eating like she should.

"That's it, Summer! I am completely tired of this! I'm sorry your kids are missing, I really am and I'd do anything to get them back for you but I can't. And there's nothing you can do by not eating. There's nothing any of us can do right now! So I suggest you eat or you're going to lose that baby!" Taylor growled at her. "Stay out of my business." Summer stood up abruptly.

"Get out of my house." Taylor said through her clenched teeth. Summer looked at Taylor surprised. She didn't know what to say or do. "You must have forgotten, Taylor but this isn't your house!" Summer yelled back at her. "You're just a replacement for Sadie and you were one for Marissa! You've always been the replacement! You're there and willing so he settles." Summer growls at her. Taylor just looks at her and shakes her head.

"Fine, stay. I'll leave." Taylor walks past her and into her bedroom. Ryan was sitting back watching TV in bed. Taylor walked into her closet and grabbed a suitcase. She walked out and sat it on the bed before piling clothes into it.

"Uhm, Taylor what are you doing?" Ryan questioned her. "I'm going to stay at a hotel." Taylor didn't look up at him.

"Why?" He sat up and got off of the bed. He walked over to her side and grabbed a hold of her hands. "Because your sister in law basically said I don't belong here. So I'm leaving." Taylor huffed.

"Why would she tell you that?" He asked.

"We got into an argument because she's not eating and I told her she needs to and then she tells me to stay out of her business and I tell her to leave my house. Then she said this isn't my house and I'm just a replacement for Sadie and I was just a replacement for Marissa." Taylor trembled but Ryan held her firmly. "That's not true." He tells her.

"How do I know that, Ryan? Hmm? She's right!" Taylor cries. "No she's not! I love you, Taylor. Believe me when I say that because I really do love you." He turned her around to look at him. He watched as her face broke out into a smile and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Prove it." Taylor told him. He gave her a strange look before placing his hands gently on her stomach.

"Does this prove it?" He asked leaning over and kissing her hard on the lips. She nodded in the kiss grabbing both sides of his face and pulling him as close as she could to her despite the fact that there was hardly any way he could get closer due to her large stomach.

"Taylor what's that?" Ryan pushed his girlfriend away a little when he felt something wet on his bare foot. Taylor's eyes widened as she stared down in disbelief. Her water just broke. She had been feeling pains all morning but she pushed them to the back of her mind simply thinking the baby was just kicking her hard.

"I'm not ready, Ryan. Please make it stop. I can't have a baby." She shook her head with tears forming in her eyes. "You can't…you still have 4 weeks." He told her. Taylor suddenly felt a contraction. "We need to get to the hospital, Ryan." She was about to panic but she had to stay calm. For Ryan's sake.

The look on his face made her more nervous than anything.


	27. Chapter 26

**The chapters are short so i'm posting them close together. 27 should be up soon. I was having such a difficult time writing this story but that has changed. **

Chapter 26

Ryan was scared. The last time he was here in this same position he had lost the woman he loved. This time the new woman he loved was screaming in the room he was pacing in front of. He wasn't ready for this. Sure he knew she'd be having a baby and everything but he just wasn't prepared. He thought he had a few more weeks to prepare himself and his kids for this. No, this baby wanted out. Now.

He ran his hands through his hair as Summer emerged from the room. She looked pale and despite the fact she was pregnant, she looked really skinny. "I think I just ate more than I've ever eaten in my entire life." She joked to Ryan. Just before they left for the hospital Summer had told them she ate everything on the plate Taylor had fixed for her and plus some. She was still eating as she spoke to him. "You need it." He nodded nervously at her.

"Yeah…I just miss them, Ryan. Those kids mean everything to me. When Seth and I were going through all of that bad stuff they were the reasons I kept going. Now I'm missing two pieces of my family puzzle. I need them back, Ryan." She looked up at Ryan with hopeful eyes. He pulled Summer in to a hug as she cried on his shirt. Then Ryan heard his girlfriends screams from inside the room. "I should get to her." He laughed nervously after Summer pulled away from him. "Yeah, I'm going back to your house. Call me before the baby is born and I'll make sure Claire and Noah are up here."

"I hate you, Ryan! We are never ever ever having sex again. Got it? Nothing! In fact we should break up so you won't be tempted." Taylor yelled at Ryan when he walked into the room.

"I have been in this bed for 6 hours, Ryan! If your child doesn't come out soon I'm going to pull her out myself!" Taylor's face was red as another contraction hit. She had refused any drugs saying she wanted to do it naturally. Now she was totally singing a different song. She was miserable laying there in so much pain. Ryan was sick. His stomach couldn't handle this. He didn't like seeing her laying there hurting. It was all his fault and it would be all his fault if she didn't live through this. He knew he couldn't think like that but he just couldn't help it. He had talked to the kids just hours before and they were both scared.

Claire had told him to not let her mommy die. It had broke his heart hearing his little girl say those words. He walked over to Taylor and let her grip his hand. Her face smoothed out as he leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry, Ryan. I didn't mean to be so horrible. It just hurts and I want to see her so badly." Taylor told him. Ryan nodded knowing what she meant about seeing their daughter. "I love you, you know that?" He whispered.

"Yeah, I do." She nodded tearing up. The doctor came in to check on Taylor. "It's time." He smiled up at them both. Ryan took a deep breath. No, he wasn't ready for this. Not even close. He was thinking back to when Noah was born. He had never been more scared in his entire life. He didn't know anything about taking care of a kid. Besides Sophie, of course, but she was Kirsten and Sandy's kid. Noah was his. It was completely different. He didn't even have time to be afraid with Claire until after she was born.

Ryan looked down at Taylor and he knew she was scared. "I can't do it. Make it stop!" She was crying as the doctor told her to push. Ryan tried telling her she could but she wasn't listening. Suddenly everything changed. The baby had come out screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Taylor." He looked down at his girlfriend. She wasn't responding to him. He was pushed out of the room. They weren't telling him anything. They had rushed her in to surgery without even telling him what happened. This wasn't happening, not again. There was no possible way he could lose her. Seth and Summer were pacing the waiting room with Ryan as the twins slept in chairs next to Claire and Noah. Claire was curled up into a tight ball mad at Ryan for letting Taylor be hurt. Noah wasn't speaking to anyone, he just sat there scowling. They hadn't even let Ryan see his daughter.

"What is taking them so long?" Ryan shot out of no where. Everyone looked over at him. He was hurting. "Ryan, man calm down." Seth tried.

"No! My girlfriend could be dead, do not tell me to calm down!" He hadn't thought about Claire or Noah. It hadn't dawned on him that they were in the same room. "Stop it, Dad! Don't say that!" Noah screamed. Everyone looked back at the 8 year old. He had his fists clenched. He had never in his life looked more like Ryan than he did in that second.

"Family for Taylor Townsend?" A doctor walked into the small waiting room. Ryan quickly walked over to the man. "I'm her boyfriend, is…is she okay?" He asked nervously. "She's fine…" That's all Ryan needed to hear. She was fine. She was going to live. She would get to watch their daughter grow up with him. "Is she awake?" Ryan asked him.

"No but I expect her to be awake within a day. One person at a time visiting, please." And with that the doctor was gone. Ryan was surprised that Dr. Carter wasn't there. He had expected him and his stupid comments.

They let him hold his daughter an hour later. Wrapped in a bundle of pink blanket was the little girl he had made with Taylor. The little girl, who just like Claire had 5 years ago, stole his heart the second he laid eyes on her. She had golden blonde hair and when she opened her eyes they were the same color as her mother's. She had Taylor's nose and Ryan's mouth. A perfect combination of the both of them. Suddenly he wasn't so scared. Suddenly everything was in the right place. This is how things were supposed to be for him.

"So did you do it?" Ryan was startled by the voice. It was Taylor's. He didn't even know she was awake he had been so wrapped up in his little girl.

"Do what?" He managed to croak out after kissing her on the forehead and handing her their daughter. "Learn to love again?" She smiled at him. "Twice over." He smiled getting into the small bed with her and the baby.

Claire and Noah piled into the room followed by Seth and Summer. Kirsten and Sandy weren't far behind.

"So what's her name?" Summer urged taking the little girl from Taylor.

"Amelie Autumn Atwood." Ryan spoke up. Taylor looked over at him and smiled. They hadn't really agreed on a middle name but they both knew it was the perfect one. "Dude, her initials are triple A." Seth spoke up. Everyone in the room laughed.

"How about that, Amelie?" Summer handed her over to Kirsten who instantly kissed her small forehead. "I wanna hold her!" Claire cried out. "Come here." Ryan picked his oldest daughter up and put her on the bed with him and Taylor.

"I love you, Claire-bear. You too, Noah." Taylor told the two kids. They each leaned over and hugged her. Kirsten brought Amelie over to Ryan who put her into little Claire's arms helping her support her small head.

"She's pretty." Claire whispered.

"She's perfect." Ryan heard Taylor whisper next.

"She's ours." Ryan reached his hands over and clasped it with Taylor's.


	28. Chapter 27

**Real short. I'm getting closer to finishing this one. It's kind of depressing thinking about it being over soon. So after a depressing day of sleeping i decided i'd bring Steve back. **

Chapter 27

Taylor had forgotten what it was like to have a screaming baby in the house. Especially when there was no one else home. Claire and Noah were both at school. Ryan was catching up some work. Summer had gone to her Health food store to check up on it since she hadn't in months. Seth was at his office doing God knows what. The twins were in day care. So that left Taylor at home with her newborn. Everything was so overwhelming. Her baby was only 4 days old. Taylor couldn't believe it. Her daughter was perfectly normal especially being born four weeks early.

Taylor laid the small infant in her crib. The crib that was in the light green room Ryan had painted for her. Taylor couldn't help but think about Gavin when he was as small as Amelie. She had loved those months when her baby just wanted her to hold him. Now she would be doing that with a different baby. The baby that was conceived out of nothing but born out of love.

It was strange the way the past few months had been. Taylor had never imagined her life being so complete after Gavin died. Apart from Kyle and Eva still missing everything was perfect. "Ames, you are going to have the perfect life. Nothing like I had or Gavin. Your daddy is going to make sure you're taken care of. Me too." Taylor rubbed the blond girls hair cooing at her.

Taylor didn't want to be far from Amelie so she picked her back up. Amelie was now on Taylor's chest sleeping away when Taylor heard the front door open. She figured it was Ryan. Usually everyone else knocked. She had forgotten to lock the door after Seth had left last. Taylor stayed rocking her baby in Amelie's nursery. "Ry." Taylor yelled after standing up from the rocking chair. There was a strange noise coming from the kitchen. She suddenly started feeling nervous. She laid Amelie down in her crib. The little girl started screaming. "Shhh, baby." She rubbed her small back.

"So you think you can replace me?" A voice comes from behind Taylor. She freezes knowing exactly who that cold voice belongs to. Taylor grabs Amelie into her arms to protect her daughter. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. He's supposed to be in jail not standing in the middle of her daughter's room.

"Go away!" Taylor screams not even looking at him. "Taylor, that's no way to speak to me." He cackles. "I can speak to you however I please, Steve. You killed my son and you are not going to take that away from me again!" Taylor wasn't crying. She was staying strong for the baby in her arms. Even if Taylor wasn't crying Amelie was.

"You weren't supposed to move on, Taylor. You are mine!" He was yelling at her. He lunged for her but Taylor quickly moved so he hadn't caught her or the baby.

"Leave us alone, Steve! I'm sorry for whatever I did to you!" She yelled at him. He was shaking with anger as he walked towards her backing her into the corner of the nursery. "I told you that you would pay."

"You said that when you killed Gavin. Isn't that enough, Steve? How can you live with yourself killing people? How do you sleep at night?" She asked the dark haired man. Steve was just glaring at Taylor. "How dare you!" He screamed lunging for her again. This time she hadn't been able to move. "Please just don't hurt her!" Taylor screamed holding the child closer to her body.

"You deserve everything that I have done to you. Gavin wasn't supposed to just be yours! He was supposed to be mine too! You took him from me! So I took him from you." He growled close to her face. Taylor watched Steve raise his hand to hit her. She shut her eyes expecting to feel a sting on her cheek. Nothing.

She opened her eyes to see Ryan with Steve on the ground being punched. "Ryan!" Taylor screamed. Steve had somehow punched Ryan back. Taylor was frozen in her spot. She knew she needed to call the police.

She had to do something other than just standing there watching her current boyfriend fight with her ex-boyfriend.


	29. Chapter 28

**Only a few more chapters left after this one. **

Chapter 28

Everything in Taylor's world had come crashing down around her. She felt like she was having an out of body experience watching her life play out in front of her. There wasn't much she could do but stand there and watch everything. The doctors wouldn't tell her anything and the police were asking her far too many questions. She had blocked out the cries of her daughter who was being hold by Seth. Instead Taylor was hugging both Claire and Noah to her wishing she could tell them everything was going to be okay. She couldn't tell them that because truthfully Taylor had no idea if everything was going to be okay. She didn't want to give them false hope. All they could was hope that Ryan was going to be okay.

After Ryan arrived at the house everything had gone into a blur for Taylor. All she knew is she had somehow managed to call the police. Steve had Ryan pinned to the ground punching him in the face and that was the last thing Taylor could remember before they were broken apart and rushed here to the hospital.

"Joe, we found the guys van a block away from the Atwood residence. There were kids in the van." Another police officer walked up to the officer that was facing Summer and Taylor. "What?" Taylor heard Summer say loudly. The officer excused himself from Summer's questions. "My kids!" Summer was screaming. Seth's head perked up. "What?" He asked confused a little.

"Oh my God." Taylor whispered under her breath. "Seth and Summer Cohen?" The officer came back into the waiting room. "Yes, what's wrong?" Summer rushed to him. "We need you two to come to the station, I think we found your kids."

Taylor took Amelie from Seth's arms before he and Summer had rushed off behind the police officer. "Mommy, they found Eva and Kyle?" Claire tugged at the bottom of Taylor's shirt. She looked down at the little girl. Her face was tear stained and her eyes were blood shot. "I think they did, baby." Taylor wanted to give a reassuring smile but she couldn't. Taylor looked behind her to find Noah sleeping on the small couch of the waiting room. "Claire why don't you go sit next to Noah, okay?" Taylor told her. Claire nodded and bounded over to where Noah was sleeping. She crawled next to her brother and almost instantly fell asleep.

"Where is he?" Sandy and Kirsten rushed into the room that Taylor was pacing. It'd been an hour. She hadn't heard from the doctor about Ryan or from Summer and Seth about the kids. She was getting really nervous and anxious trying to keep her mind positive. All of this was her fault.

"I can't…I need…I have to go do something." Taylor walked over to Sandy. She placed the infant into his arms. "Call if you find anything out." She whispered before running out of the hospital.

She needed to visit Gavin.

Taylor hadn't been to her sons grave since the day she had seen Ryan and Claire visiting Sadie. She wasn't sure why she hadn't come but it just started getting to be too much for her. Not once did she forget about her first born. There was no way she could. He had been her life far before Amelie.

Taylor kneeled in front of the grave stone. She covered her mouth with one of her hands trying to choke back sobs that were escaping. She put her other hand on the stone that bore her sons full name and the date he had died.

"I'm sorry." She whispered taking her hand away from her mouth. "This is all my fault, I should have been more careful with you. Gavin, you were my everything and he ripped it away from me just like he's ripping everything away from me again. Sometimes I kick myself for being happy when you lost your life so young. You didn't even have time to experience much of anything. Those years I got to spend with you, though, were possibly the best three years of my life. I'll never forget you, baby. You have a sister. Her name is Amelie, her father is beyond amazing. I wish you could meet him and his kids. They are perfect just like you were. I'll never forget you." Taylor placed a kiss on her palm and placed her palm down on the stone. She wiped away the tears from her eyes and stood up. She had wished every single day that he would be by her side. She never once regretted having him, she still didn't despite everything that has happened.

Taylor just stood there looking down at the spot that her sons body was buried under. She just wanted to hold him, to see him. Just once more. She knew she couldn't. She knew he was gone. Gone forever. She had never really come to terms with her sons death, she probably never would. But she knew she couldn't dwell on it anymore. There wasn't anything should could do about it.

Taylor finally made her way back to her car. As soon as she climbed into the front seat her cell phone rang. "Taylor, you need to get back to the hospital. Now." Was all the person on the other line said to her. The way their voice sounded didn't comfort Taylor one bit.


	30. Chapter 29

**Sorry that the chapters have been so short but I plan to do a longer chapter soon enough. I can't tell you exactly how many more chapters are left but i don't see there being more than 5 but you never know! Anyhow i have a new fic up. It's called Every Other Weekend. Oh, and the next chapter will explain what happened to SS kids.**

Chapter 29

"What happened?" Taylor ran threw the front doors of the hospital to find Kirsten holding a crying Claire in her arms. Taylor didn't even think as she took the girl from Kirsten and held her close as Claire cried on her shoulder. Kirsten just shook her head as tears ran down her aging face. Taylor wasn't sure if she should ask what was going on, she wasn't sure she really wanted to know now because from the looks on these people's faces in front of her it wasn't good.

"It's Seth and Summer's kids." Sandy finally spoke up. Taylor froze. She had been so caught up in everything with Ryan being in the hospital that she hadn't even thought of the missing kids.

"What…what happened?" She was finally able to get out. Kirsten looked down at her feet and Taylor knew instantly that this wasn't going to be good news. "Maybe you and I should take a walk, Kirsten will watch the kids." Sandy laid a hand on Taylor's shoulder. She put Claire into the nearest chair before leaning down and kissing the sleeping baby on her forehead.

"Just tell me already, Sandy." Taylor blurted as soon as they were away from the waiting room. Sandy took a deep breath running his hand through his hair before speaking.

"They found them…in this Steve guys van but Taylor…Eva…she didn't make it." Taylor felt like her world was crashing again. This was all her fault. If it weren't for her then neither Eva or Kyle would have been taken away from their parents. But why them? What made Steve take the two of them and not Ryan's kids? And why would Eva be dead and not Kyle? There were just so many questions running through Taylor's head that she couldn't control her thoughts anymore. That's when she broke down in Sandy's arms.

"It's all my fault, Sandy! I did this! Seth and Summer are going through all of this because of me!" Taylor screamed heaving over in sobs. "What do you mean, this is your fault?" Sandy was more than confused about what Taylor had just said to him.

"Steve…Sandy he was my ex-boyfriend. He killed Gavin." Taylor had forgotten that Sandy had no idea what she was talking about.

"I was with this guy, Steve. He was a terrible man. Well I left him and he thought to get back at me for leaving he'd kill our son. He was only 3 at the time…" Taylor had to stop crying to speak but soon after revealing to Sandy what happened she couldn't control her tears any longer. Sandy held Taylor for what had felt like an hour to the both of them but was really only 15 minutes. As Taylor cried Sandy tried to assure her this wasn't her fault, she wasn't believing him. The more she thought about it the more it killed her inside to know this was all her doing. She shouldn't have brought Ryan's family into her mess.

"He's awake!" Kirsten rushed towards Sandy and Taylor. She hadn't noticed that Taylor was breaking down right there, she was far too excited for her son to be awake. They were used to this by now, Ryan being in the hospital trying to save someone but it never got easier.

"I'm so sorry, Ryan! I'm so sorry!" Taylor pulled on her boyfriends hand as soon as she reached his bedside. He was just looking up at her. She couldn't tell if he was mad at her or what but she wasn't sure she liked that look on his face. "This isn't your fault." He croaked out. Taylor put her hand on his bruised face. He flinched but gave her a reassuring smile.

"Ryan…I think there's something I should tell you." Taylor got down on her knees and held Ryan's hand closely. "What is it?" He asked.

"They found the kids…" She wasn't finished but Ryan thought she was.

"Wow, where were they?" He smiled.

"Ry, it was Steve who took them…and Eva…well Eva…she's….Ryan it's all my fault." Taylor was crying again.

"What happened to Eva?" He asked taking his hand away from hers. She felt empty almost instantly.

"She died, they haven't told us what happened to her." Taylor couldn't look into his eyes. She knew he was blaming her for all of this. This was all her fault.

"Get out." He said it just above a whisper. "What?" She tried reaching for his hand again.

"I want to be alone." With that he snatched his hand away from her and turned his head to look at the wall.

"I'm so sorry." Taylor whispered before running out of the room. She passed both Claire and Noah only taking her daughter and leaving the hospital. She didn't know where she was going but she couldn't stay there any longer.


	31. Chapter 30

**I'm posting these all so quickly because I have wifi right now but i'm not sure i'll have it once I get to the cabin. So these might be the last posts of the week. I'm not sure. This doesn't clear up the kid's situation enough but you'll get the whole story soon enough. And I hate myself for hurting little Eva. D**

Chapter 30

Taylor had never felt so alone as she had when Summer was standing in front of her with her face screwed up. She was pissed. She was mad. She was sad. She was everything bad and Taylor knew this had everything to do with her. This was her fault. Her fault that Kyle and Eva had even gone missing in the first place, her fault that the past few months have been so terrible for Summer, her fault that Eva hadn't returned like Kyle had.

"You are dead to me." Summer didn't yell but there was so much venom in her voice that was much worse than her yelling. Everyone was mad at her and she really couldn't blame them. Taylor looked over at her daughter. She had to leave. It would make everyone else's life better. This wasn't Amelie's fault. After Summer had run away from Taylor and Ryan's house, Taylor started to pack. She wasn't sure what to bring but she knew it was possible she wouldn't be coming back. After packing a small suitcase she packed Amelie's things. That's when she wrote the letter. The letter that pretty much ended her relationship with Ryan and his family. It had hurt her so terribly but she had to go. They would do better without her.

"It's just us against he world now, Ames." Taylor picked up the small wrinkly baby holding her close to her body grabbing everything she could with her two arms that weren't even close to being empty. Just like that she left.

Ryan was numb. All of the pain in the world didn't amount to this. He wasn't sure why but he felt hatred towards the woman he loved. He felt like if it weren't for her Seth and Summer wouldn't be mourning the loss of their daughter.

"How did it happen?" Ryan asked Sandy. They were still at the hospital. Taylor had just left not 10 minutes ago after Ryan had told her to go.

Sandy took a deep breath and searched Ryan's eyes trying to make sure he should really tell him. It was terrible. Horrible, Sandy wasn't even sure how someone could do such a thing to a little girl let alone his adorable granddaughter.

"Ryan, he molested her…raped her…hurt her…she bled to death right there in the back of the ran…she was stabbed three times in the chest." Sandy's voice choked up trying to tell his son how his niece had died.

Ryan wouldn't look in Sandy's eyes. He refused. That wasn't something he needed right now. He needed to be alone. No, he needed to kill Steve. This was all his fault, so why was he still putting the blame on Taylor?

"It's not her fault." Ryan spoke up finally looking over at Sandy.

"Who's? Eva's?" He questions him. "It's not hers either but I was talking about Taylor. Sandy go find her." That's all Ryan wanted now. He needed her to hold his hand again.

"Alright, I'm going to take Claire and Noah home anyway. I'm sure that's where she is, call if anything changes." Sandy stood up from the seat he had taken next to Ryan. Ryan just nodded.

Then he was left alone with his thoughts. He knew about Eva now he wanted to know about Kyle. He needed to see Seth but according to Sandy Seth had refused to see anyone besides Summer or Kyle. Sandy hadn't even known anything about Kyle's state but he had promised to keep Ryan posted when he did find something out.

"Ryan." Kirsten was standing at the doorway of his hospital room. He nodded and motioned her over to him. She enveloped him into a hug before sitting in the chair that Sandy had occupied just moments before.

"How are you holding up?" He asked her. He could see she was distraught. She was hurting but being Kirsten Cohen she tried to hide it thinking she needed to be strong for her family. Truth was Ryan wished she would just let it all come out, she'd feel a whole lot better. But Ryan knew better than anyone how it was to hide your feelings. He had spent the past 5 years mourning the loss of his first wife; not wanting to let go of her memory afraid that he would lose every part of her. He hadn't been able to cope with everything until Taylor had come around. Truth was he needed her. She was his rock. She was the only woman he'd ever love again. He wondered if they had found the black velvet box that had been in his pants pocket. He had big plans for that night. Sandy and Kirsten were going to come into town and take the kids out for the night. He was going to spend the night at home with Taylor, where he would end up asking her to marry him but now…now that has all changed.

"I should be asking you the same thing, Ryan. You're the one who looks like you got hit by a truck." She tried to joke but the both of them knew it wasn't working which is why they had fallen silent again after she had spoken.

"Did Taylor take the baby with her?" Ryan asked. He wanted to see her. He wanted to hold her and play with her. He then mentally kicked himself for not asking to see all of his kids. He should have asked Sandy to bring them in before he had left for the house but he wasn't thinking about them, only about Taylor. He wasn't sure if that made him selfish or what.

"Yeah, she did. What did you say to her?" Kirsten asked him. She instantly noticed the worry on his face and she knew he hadn't handled the situation as well as he had wished he had.

"I told her to get out; I said I wanted to be alone." He spoke to his hands not wanting to see the look on Kirsten's face.

"Was it about Eva?"

"Yes. The guy who did this to her…he was…he was Taylor's ex-boyfriend. He had killed their son three years ago and he recently got out of jail…he'd been threatening Taylor and then the kids went missing and we hadn't heard from him since. Taylor had mentioned that maybe it was him that took them but I dismissed it. Maybe if I would have pressed it. Told the police we could have prevented this. They could have done more to find this guy." Ryan felt guilty.

Kirsten wasn't sure what to say all she could do was grab his hand and hold it tightly hoping it was enough reassurance for him to stop feel like this was all of his fault. It wasn't; just like it wasn't Taylor's fault. People just do things that no one can explain. Kirsten's cell phone started ringing instantly making Ryan jump. She answered it and nodded handing the phone over to him.

"Hello?" He asked unsure of who it was exactly.

"She's gone, Ryan. Taylor's not here but she left a note." Ryan's heart dropped. She left? She couldn't have left. He knew Taylor wouldn't break a promise and she had promised that no matter what she would stay. Ryan finally realized that this was his fault. He had just pushed her away when he should have been trying to comfort her. He should have told her it wasn't her fault and that everything was going to be okay. He hadn't done any of that. Not even close so now he was paying for it.

Taylor made her way through the street's of Newport with her sleeping daughter in the back. She was going to stay with her mom. She didn't have any other family. She thought that maybe if her mom met Amelie she would forgive her for what happened to Gavin. Pulling her car into the familiar drive-way she looked into the backseat where Amelie's eyes had just popped open. She was beautiful. So innocent, so unknowing. Taylor just wished she could stay that way. She wanted to hide her from all of the evil's in the world but she couldn't. Taylor couldn't hide her from anything


	32. Chapter 31

**We left the cabin early. I'm currently sporting a bee sting and i messed up looking knee. So we're in a hotel so now I have wifi and i'm able to post on my fics! Well my USB broke on my, which pissed me off so bad I made myself sick but i bought a new one anyway that's not my point. My point is 'Three Cheers For Five Years' and 'I'll See You In My Dreams' are on hiatus because the next chapter to both of them was already finished so i'll have to rewrite those. Now 'Every Other Weekend' has been updated plus 'Way Worse Than You Know' At this rate you'll probably get another couple of updates later because I can't sleep! Okay enough talking;**

Chapter 31

Claire and Noah ran into Ryan's hospital room two hours after Sandy had called and said that Taylor was gone. He hugged his kids tightly not wanting to ever let go. He couldn't imagine something happening to the two of them like what happened to Kyle and Eva. He didn't even want to think about it.

"Did you bring it?" Ryan looked up at Sandy hopefully. He wanted to read the letter. He wanted to know why Taylor wasn't at home like she should have been.

"Yes, but I think you should read it later." Sandy handed over the white envelope that was addressed to Ryan.

"Thanks." Ryan said to him before looking back at his kids. Claire climbed up into the bed with him and snuggled her body into his.

"I missed you daddy." Claire leaned up and kissed his cheek sweetly.

"I missed you too." Ryan returned the cheek kiss. Claire giggled a little before positioning herself back where she had been before she had kissed his cheek. Ryan groaned a little when Claire shifted on his broken ribs. "It's okay, daddy just hurts a little." Ryan tried to assure the girl who had a sad expression on her face.

"Dad…when can you leave here?" Noah finally spoke up, his voice was shaky and he looked very nervous.

"Soon." Was all Ryan told him. Noah nodded taking that answer.

-

"What are you doing here?" Veronica Townsend glared at her only daughter like Taylor had just committed a murder of sorts. Taylor took a deep breath clutching the pink baby carrier in her right hand that held her sleeping daughter. The daughter that was innocent in all of this.

"Mom, can I stay here for a little bit?" Taylor just needed to be around people that she knew even if her mother was the last person she ever wanted to be around, she was still family. Veronica was still her mother no matter what.

"Who is that?" The aging woman pointed to Amelie.

"This is Amelie Autumn Atwood." Taylor looked down and smiled at her baby daughter.

"Atwood?"

"Can we come in?" Taylor asked her.

"Sure but I don't know about you staying here. I don't like children." Taylor knew her mother was lying. She knew that if her mother held Amelie she would instantly fall in love with her just like she had with Gavin.

"What are you doing here, Taylor? Why aren't you with the father? Do you have a bastard child? Please tell me this was not a drunken one night stand that you should have taken care of." Veronica's words hurt Taylor.

"I'm here because Steve killed my only real friends child! I'm here because it's better for everything else if I'm not there, it's better for Ryan and his kids. No my daughter is not a bastard child. She has a father who adores her. Do you really think so low of me that I would get rid of my child?"

"Stop being such a drama queen." Veronica rolled her eyes.

"This was a stupid idea, how could I think you'd see Amelie and be the same woman you were when you were around Gavin?" Taylor scoffed clutching her hand tighter to the plastic that her baby was in.

"Gavin dying was your fault and you know it as well as anyone."

"It was not my fault! How was I to know Steve was a psycho?" Taylor cried out.

"I don't want to speak to you anymore and I think it'd be best if you leave my house now. Don't come by again." Veronica crossed her arms over her chest and scowled at her daughter.

"Fine, this is the last time you'll ever see me again Veronica." And with that Taylor was gone but now she had nowhere to go.

-

"Why isn't mommy home?" Claire sat at the edge of Ryan's hospital bed. He was going to be released with in the next hour.

"She'll be back." Is all Ryan said. Truthfully it's what he had to say because he had to make himself believe it. Taylor had to come back there was nothing around it. She couldn't abandon their family, not now not never.

Ryan had read the letter from Taylor a total of 5 times within the past half hour. She wasn't coming back or at least that's what she said in her letter. He wanted to yell and scream at her. Tell her she was stupid to think his family didn't need her. It wasn't her fault that Steve killed Eva. It wasn't anyone's fault but Steve's.

-

Taylor got back into her car with Amelie before braking down. This was too much. All of this. Being a mother again, Steve coming back, Eva dying, Summer hating her, Ryan being hurt, her mother still hating her for the death of her son, just everything was too much. Taylor wanted Ryan. She wanted to curl up into his side and hear him tell her everything was going to be okay in the end. She needed that now more than anything.

Taylor wiped the tears off of her face before starting the ignition of her car. Her destination was nowhere but she figured if she kept driving she'd end up somewhere.

-

"She's not there?" Ryan spoke into the phone.

"She just left." Is all Veronica Townsend told the bruised man. He cursed himself for not calling sooner. He had tried her cell phone a countless number of times to only get her voicemail.

"Do you know where she went?" He asked the woman.

"I don't know, who is this?" She sounded pissed off.

"Ryan Atwood, look Veronica I need to find her…"

"She's not my responsibility maybe you should keep a hold on her better than you have; now this conversation is done." With that Veronica hung up on Ryan pissing him off even more. His cell phone flung across the hospital room with great force.

"What was that for?" Sandy entered the room to see an angry Ryan. Ryan was trying to get up out of the hospital bed. He needed to find Taylor and his daughter. He wasn't about to let them just leave him. He was going to fight for her to stay, he wasn't giving up this easily.


	33. Chapter 32

**Thought i'd show what's going on with everyone. It's short but there wasn't much i could do with this fill in chapter. I'm probably way ahead of the 5 chapters that I had planned on but that's okay. **

Chapter 32

Summer Cohen was sick to her stomach. Her life was slowly going down the drain. She had spent the last few months depressed and now here she was going into an early labor to only have the doctors tell her this baby might not make it.

On top of all that her daughter was dead. The daughter she had raised, the daughter she had adored, the daughter who was sweet and wouldn't hurt a bug. Her little girl. Her heart was crushed. Part of Summer knew she wouldn't be strong enough to take care of this child if it did live but part of Summer needed this baby but she knew no one would ever replace the daughter who had broke her way into her heart with just a cry.

-

Seth Cohen wasn't doing any better than his wife was. He was currently pacing in front of her hospital room scared to death. He wanted his daughter back. He wanted his son to know that he'll always be safe, that no one will ever take him away from them again.

This experience had really gotten to Kyle. He had completely shut down refusing to repeat anything that happened to him while he was with Steve. Kyle was currently sitting with Sandy and Kirsten at the house. Seth nor Summer had wanted to leave him but they couldn't bring him to the hospital in the state he was in.

This was breaking Seth. He wasn't sure if he'd ever recover from all of this.

-

Ryan Atwood was also pacing but he wasn't pacing in a hospital he was pacing back and forth in his kitchen repeatedly calling Taylor on her cell phone. She still wasn't picking up and it'd been a day since everything had happened.

He needed her home. He needed to hear her ramble about silly things, he needed to hear his daughter screaming at odd hours of the night, he needed to hear the house full of happiness. The house wasn't full of happy now. It was depressing.

Ryan dialed her number one last time before yelling for both Claire and Noah to get into the car. He was going to find her, even if he wasn't sure where she would be exactly.

"Daddy, I miss mommy." Claire whined walking her way to the car.

"Me too." Ryan told her giving her a smile.

"She's going to come back, right? She can't just leave us can she? What about the baby?" Noah was nervous and you could hear that in the way his voice shook slightly.

"Noah, I don't know just come on." Ryan urged them into his car. He wanted to give Noah an exact answer. He wanted to ease his sons nerves.

-

Kirsten Cohen wanted everything to go back to normal for her family. She hated seeing her kids hurt. She wanted them to be happy and they were far from happy right now. She watched her grandson sit on the sofa staring off into space. He had seen far too much at such a young age. He didn't deserve this. The little boy in front of her should have been running around like any normal 6 year old.

Kirsten glanced over at the twins. They were playing with something or other. That's when Kirsten realized that they were the most peaceful little things in this whole situation.

Kirsten then turned her attention to her husband. He was looking over legal documents concerning Kyle. She was sure there was something about Steve in them too. Steve. His name just disgusted Kirsten. After what he'd done to Gavin and Taylor to only turn around and do this to Kyle and Eva. Kirsten couldn't understand how one man could be so evil, she also couldn't understand how Taylor had gotten together with this guy. She knew Taylor was a little much but she hadn't pegged her for someone who could attract a man like this.

She didn't even want to think about how things were if she had lost a child. It was killing her to just think she had lost a grandchild.

-

Taylor Townsend was sitting with her daughter on the middle of a bed at the Mermaid Inn. She hadn't gotten far when she realized she had nowhere to go. She had no other family that she kept in contact with. No one she knew would want to take her in. Her only real friend hated her at the moment and the guy she was in love with was far better off without her.

"If only you could talk, Ames." Taylor laughed feeding her daughter from her breast. She had always wanted to do this but with Gavin he had been a sickly child and they said it would be better if she didn't breastfeed which was odd to Taylor.

Taylor was missing Ryan. His eyes. His warmth. His smile. The way he would look at her like she was nuts. The way he would hold their little girl in his arms.

She missed Claire and Noah and how everything was loud when they were around. She missed joking and laughing with them. She missed how Claire would randomly ask to hold Amelie but change her mind a second after the baby was laid in her arms. Noah had yet to hold her, he'd barely even touched her. He said she was too fragile for him, he didn't want to break her.

Taylor had her phone turned off this entire time but when she turned it on she realized she had about 50 voicemails. Each from Ryan. Taylor smiled to herself hearing his voice.

"We're going home, Amelie." Taylor declared.


	34. Chapter 33

**I have a feeling there are only two more chapters left. There's not more to be told with this story. I'll wrap it up nicely. Make sure there's a happy ending and everything good like that!**

Chapter 33

Ryan, Claire and Noah had been driving around for four hours before it had gotten too dark for them to see anything. Ryan had noticed a car in his driveway that wasn't there when he left. A smile instantly rose to his face. She was home. He almost forgot to put the car in park he was so excited to see her.

"Dad is that…" Noah's eyes widened as he sat up in his seat.

"God, I hope so." Ryan said.

"You get Claire and I'll go check." Noah was just as excited as Ryan was apparently. Ryan had been so caught up in everything before that he had never noticed how badly Noah had really wanted a mother. Claire had expressed it all of the time but Noah had kept so quiet about it. He realized his son wasn't ready to not have a mother again.

Ryan walked around and picked a sleeping Claire up out of the backseat of his car. He turned towards the house staring right into hazel eyes. She was leaning up against the doorframe of the front door.

"I'm sorry." She called out as he walked up towards her. "If it weren't for me…"

"I really want to talk about this with you but she's getting a little heavy. Can I put her down?" He gave Taylor a smile.

"Of course, sorry." She stepped through the front door so he could get past her. Noah sat on the couch grinning away at Taylor. Ryan chuckled at the sight of this. Apparently he wasn't the only one infatuated with the woman.

"Bed." Ryan told Noah before walking to the back of the house. Noah groaned but followed his father anyway.

"Where's the baby?" Ryan asked Taylor returning to the living room where she was sitting on the couch. She sat up a little and smiled at him as he sat down next to her.

"Sleeping." She said simply. "Ryan…we can't just not talk about this…I mean if it weren't for me then…"

Ryan interrupted her, "If it weren't for you I wouldn't have that beautiful baby in there, my kids wouldn't have an amazing mother and well, I wouldn't be in love." His words had melted her heart and she realized she would never make the mistake of leaving their family ever again. The could work threw this, just like they could work threw everything else life would throw in their direction.

-

"Hello?" Ryan had pulled his body away from Taylor's so he could answer his cell phone. He glanced at the alarm clock wondering why someone was calling him at 2 am.

"She had the baby…" It was Seth's flat voice that had come from the other end of the line.

"Are they okay?" Ryan sat up straight.

"The baby lived. He's fighting for his life but he's alive. Summer's worn out…" Seth held no emotion in his voice as he spoke to his brother.

"Do you need me to do anything?" Ryan asked him.

"Do you mind watching the twins and Kyle?"

"Not at all. Are Sandy and Kirsten going to bring them over here?"

"Yeah…thanks." With that Seth hung up the phone. Ryan took a deep breath glancing over at his sleeping girlfriend. The baby cries coming from the baby monitor had startled him. Ryan had to pry Taylor's grip from his waist in order to get up. She had barely stirred before cuddling into the nearest pillow. Ryan walked out of his room and into the light green room that his little girl was crying in.

Ryan picked up the small form in his arms. Amelie instantly stopped crying as she laid against Ryan's chest. He walked over and sat down in the white rocking chair that sat next to her crib. He smiled as he kissed her small head before leaning his head back against the wood and closing his eyes.

-

That's where Taylor had found him a few hours later when she had finally woken up. Ryan and Amelie were both sound asleep. She had never seen something so precious as the two of them just sleeping like that. Taylor knew he must not be feeling too comfortable sleeping upright like that so she walked over and gently took Amelie out of his arms. The baby hadn't stirred a bit but Ryan's eyes instantly popped open once the small weight of Amelie was off of him.

"Sorry…" She whispered to him putting Amelie in her crib.

"It's fine." He yawned.

"Why don't you go back to bed. I'll make breakfast." The doorbell rang after she finished her sentence.

"That's probably Sandy and Kirsten with the twins. Summer had the baby last night…"

"Oh no, she's not far enough along for that…" Taylor's hand shot up to her mouth feeling almost sick to her stomach at the thought of Summer having such a premature child in a time like this.

"He's alive. She's fine but I think Sandy and Kirsten want to go up there so we're going to watch the kids today." Ryan told her standing up from the wooden chair.

"Alright…well let me get Amelie dressed…" Taylor sighed turning her attention back towards her daughter.

-

"Kyle." Ryan sat down next to the scared looking boy. Kyle's legs were pulled up against his chest as he watched whatever was happening on TV. "You doing okay?" Stupid question, but Ryan didn't know what else to say to the kid. Kyle just shrugged but kept his eyes glued to the TV. "Alright…we don't have to talk…this works too." Ryan sat back and crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the TV just like Kyle had.

"Where's my mommy and daddy?" Kyle's voice was just above a whisper.

"At the hospital. Your mommy's had a baby." Ryan wasn't sure exactly what he should say to the kid. He didn't want to upset him by saying the wrong thing.

"Oh…" Was all he said and then looked right back towards the TV.

-

"Mommy, did Aunt Summer have her baby?" Claire was laying on her stomach in the middle of Amelie's room while Taylor was rocking the baby to sleep.

"She did" Taylor whispered not wanting to startle Amelie.

"How come she wasn't big like you were? You were huge!" Claire giggled. Taylor shot her a funny look before laughing a little too.

"I have no idea, Claire-bear."

"Can I hold Ames?" Claire closed the book she was reading before standing up from the floor.

"Sure." Taylor smiled. She loved that Claire adored her younger sister. Taylor stood up from the chair and helped Claire get settled before laying Amelie softly in her small arms. Claire gave Taylor a toothy grin before looking back down at the sleeping baby.

"She likes me!" Claire squealed.

"She love her big sister." Taylor bent down to be eye level with Claire. "Just as much as I love her."


	35. Chapter 34

**Next chapter will most likely be the last...I'm getting sad I got attached to writing this story! Anyway, the name of SS son means Miracle and you say it kah-rah -MAHT I know it's a little strange but the name fits. I wanted to find something different and something that mean miracle and it was either that or Ijaz. Anyway Review and tell me what you think about this chapter, please!**

Chapter 34

This wasn't how they were supposed to be spending their day. They weren't supposed to be all standing around in black. Summer and Seth Cohen weren't supposed to be watching as their daughters casket was being lowered into the ground.

Taylor had one arm holding Claire and the other looped around Ryan's waist as he held their youngest daughter close to him. Noah stood there next to his father trying to act just as grown up as Ryan. He felt it was difficult being an adult having to be so strong during something like this. Noah then decided he was only nine he didn't need to be an adult. He attached himself to his father and cried into his side as people started speaking about Eva.

Summer was shaking in the arms of her husband. The twins stood with Sandy and Kirsten while Kyle stood behind his father's legs not wanting to be there right then.

This was hard. Anyone who had to bury their small child would know this was hard. Parent's weren't supposed to bury a child. It was supposed to be the other way around. Not like this.

Summer had just given birth to their miracle baby two days before. Sandy and Kirsten had arranged Eva's funeral so that the couple could focus on their son who was currently trying to fight for his small life. The nameless boy only weighed two pounds even at birth. The doctors said he was coming along tremendously. He was a miracle indeed.

Seth knew that his wife was strong but he wasn't sure that she would be strong enough to lose two children in all of this. He knew that their son would help her mourn. He'd never bring Eva back but…for now he'd be enough for her.

Kirsten glanced at her son and daughter-in-law and felt for them. She couldn't imagine how it was having to do this. She never wanted to imagine having to do this. It was bad enough that this little girl was her granddaughter.

Taylor still couldn't help but feel like this was all her fault. Summer still refused to speak to her. She said that it was all Taylor's fault. Everything. Even the two months early birth of her son was Taylor's fault. No one was sure how that was. Seth had said that Summer needed to blame someone in all of this and Taylor was the easiest to blame. Truth was he blamed Taylor, too.

Ryan tried comforting his girlfriend. It was difficult because no matter what he told her she wouldn't listen. She would say that unless Summer or Seth told her it wasn't true then it was. This was all on her. She was carrying this weight on her shoulders that Ryan knew needed to be lifted and quickly.

-

"It's going to get better." Kirsten pulled Summer into a long hug once they reached Summer and Seth's home. Everyone in the family was going to meet back there. Summer's father had shown up last minute but it was enough that he was there.

"You don't know that." Is all Summer told her before walking off into the back. Everyone in the house heard the door slam shut behind her. Ryan grabbed Taylor's hand hoping he would be able to assure her that Summer being upset wasn't her fault. Summer was hurt. Taylor out of anyone would know what Summer was going through.

"I should talk to her." Taylor had surprised Ryan.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I know what's she's going through…" She choked back a sob trying not to think about her little boy.

"Alright…I'll go change Amelie." He kissed her cheek before letting her hand go. Taylor took a deep breath getting herself ready for walking into the line of fire. She knocked on the door but got nothing. She turned the knob and was surprised that Summer hadn't locked it.

"Go away!" A shoe was thrown at the door barely missing Taylor's head. "Get out!" Summer screamed louder when she saw Taylor. What was before Taylor was a mess. Summer had her daughters things spread out around her. The things that Eva had loved the most. Summer was much stronger in that sense that Taylor had been. She hadn't been able to see or touch or sons belongings.

"I'm not going away." Taylor said determined to talk to her. Taylor closed the door behind her before walking her way to Summer's bed. Summer was shooting daggers Taylor's way but she just kept walking towards her. "You'll never get over this. She'll never go away. How this happened will never leave your mind. You'll stay awake some nights wondering what you could have done differently. There are nights you're going to ask God why he didn't take you instead of your precious child. I know how all of that is, Summer. God, it's going to take you years to even realize that she's gone. That you'll no longer hear her laugh or her fumbling of words. It never goes away but yes it does get better. You'll never forget all of that time you had with her so don't sit here and think about every bad thing that's going on right now. Stand up straight and remember everything good that happened in Eva's life. I promise you it helps. Talk about her…let it be known that you loved her and you miss her. Don't hide…I hid. I was still hiding until Ryan had opened my eyes. Don't spend your years doing what I did." Taylor was confident in her words. Summer had been surprised.

"I forgot…" Was all Summer could get out.

"About Gavin?" Taylor sat down on the bed next to the crying woman. Summer nodded.

"It's okay…just know you aren't alone in all of this. I've been in this place before…" Taylor grabbed her hand. She had expected for Summer was pull away but she only squeezed Taylor's hand tightly.

"Thank you…so this does get better?" Summer asked hopefully. Taylor gave her a slight smile.

"Eventually. It will take awhile though…" She told her.

"I'm sorry, Taylor. None of this is or was your fault. I just…when I found out that he was the one who did this…and he was your ex…and he wasn't even meaning to get my kids but Ryan's…that just…it hurt me so bad…and I thought it would help ease my pain if I blamed you for all of this."

"Wait…he was trying to get Ryan's kids?" No one had told Taylor that.

"Yes. When they…talked to him. He said he thought Kyle and Eva were Ryan's. That he was trying to hurt you not someone else…."

"Oh God…" Taylor felt sick to her stomach. The two woman just sat there in silence holding each others hand. Each with something different on their minds.

-

"What's on your mind?" Ryan asked Taylor that night as they were putting Amelie to bed together.

"Did they tell you that it was Claire and Noah that Steve was after?" Taylor looked into his eyes as he nodded at her. She was confused as to why he hadn't told her about that.

"I knew…but I didn't want to upset you…I knew if you knew then you would be upset and eat yourself up over it." Ryan said truthfully.

"I love you." Taylor turned to him and put her hands on his chest. "Thank you for everything. You have no idea how much I appreciate everything you've done for me." She stared up into his eyes.

"Come on. We've had a long day why don't we get to bed." He kissed her forehead before taking one of her hands. They both looked back at Amelie before leaving her nursery together.

-

Taylor pulled her pillow close to her body. Her hand had hit something hard. It had taken her awhile to realize there was something underneath her pillow. She looked up through the dark room and saw that Ryan wasn't there. She looked over at the clock and saw that it was way past midnight. Then she got curious. She wanted to know what her hand had hit when she was slipping. She pulled her pillow up and sitting there was a black velvet box. A box that Taylor knew held something that would change the course of their lives forever.

She wondered why the box was under her pillow then she wondered why Ryan wasn't in bed. Taylor picked the box up without opening it and made her way out of their bedroom. She was met by Ryan in the hallway. He was holding a crying Amelie. She realized he must have heard her crying on the baby monitor. Ryan led both of them back into their bedroom before Taylor held the box in front of his face. Ryan chuckled.

"I've been wondering when you find that. It's been under your pillow for two days." He grinned.

"Oh My God." Taylor looked at it then at him. He had this planned.

"So are you going to open it or just stare at the box?" He questioned.

"I'm scared…" She whispered. He smiled at her a little. She had nothing to be scared of. He needed to assure her of that.

"I love you, Taylor and I never want to love another woman as long as I live. You're it." He didn't have to say anything more. Taylor's eyes welled up with tears as she opened the small box. There it set. The ring that would change their lives. "So will you marry me?" He asked still holding their baby who was now sleeping. Taylor looked at him and nodded. She didn't care that this hadn't been a huge romantic gesture. She didn't care that he hadn't even gotten down on one knee. This was perfect, this was all she needed.

Ryan smiled widely getting rid of all the nervousness in his body. She said yes. She wanted to marry him. This was it.

"I love you so much." She was able to choke out through the tears as he slipped the ring on her finger. "Is she hungry?" Taylor pointed at her daughter.

"She was…but I guess she's not anymore." He laughed looking at the sleeping body in his arms.

"You're an amazing man, Ryan Atwood." Taylor leaned over and kissed him on the lips with their daughter sleeping soundly between their bodies. In the morning they would tell Claire and Noah but right now this was something the three of them got to share together.

-

Taylor woke up in Ryan's arms just like she would be doing every morning for the rest of her life. She glanced down at the shining ring on her finger smiling. She felt Ryan stir next to her.

"Good morning, beautiful." He whispered in her ear before kissing the side of her face. "You okay?" He asked when he realized she was crying again.

"I'm great." She said honestly.

"So you're not regretting saying yes to marry me?" He asked her seriously.

"Not for a second. You better not regret asking me because you are in no way getting this ring back." She giggled. He loved that sound. Just as they started kissing there was a small knock on the door. The door swung open revealing both Noah and Claire.

"What's going on?" Ryan sat up in the bed.

"Nothing just wanted to come see you guys." Noah shrugged as he and Claire both crawled into the bed next to Ryan and Taylor.

"Well that's good because your daddy and I have some news for you two." Taylor said as Claire snuggled into her side.

"What?" Claire asked curiously.

"Well what you say if we said we were getting married?" Taylor asked her. Claire's eyes widened as her face broke out into a large grin.

"You're getting married?!" She stood up in the middle of the bed. Ryan and Taylor both laughed at her. Noah just sat there.

"Yes we are." Ryan confirmed for her.

"YAY!" Claire jumped up and down in the bed before Ryan pulled her onto his lap stopping her form being so rowdy.

"What do you think about this, Noah?" Taylor nudged him.

"It's amazing. I've been waiting for this for so long." He admitted giving Taylor a grin.

"Between us, so have I." She told him.

-

"What's his name?" Taylor asked Summer. The two of them were sitting in the NICU at the hospital watching Summer and Seth's son sleep in an incubator.

"Karamat Tyler Cohen." Summer whispered. "Karamat means miracle. I know it's a little strange but the meaning fit…" She gave Taylor a slight smile.

"It does fit."


	36. Chapter 35

**This is it. The end. An epilogue of sorts I guess. I'm sad that this is over but there's not much more I could do with it. I'd like to thank everyone who has been there with me reviewing since the beginning of this fic! My first completeled fic. Oh and BTW if you haven't already please check out my oneshot 'My Beautiful Rescue' well thank you for reading this! I really appreciate it!**

Chapter 35

The Cohen house was full of people. Taylor watched as her one year old daughter and nephew ran around the back yard that had just been the setting of her wedding. She smiled as the two of them stumbled over their own cubby legs giggling all the while. Amelie's blond curls were bouncing around her head. Taylor wondered where all of that hair had come from but it fit the little girl perfectly. Karamat, Mat for short, looked everything like Seth. The two of them had grown up together. Looking at Mat you would never think that he was premature. He was bigger than Amelie was.

Next Taylor's gaze went over to Kyle who was talking animatedly with Ryan. It had been Ryan who had broken through to the child. Everyone had found that a bit strange seeing as Ryan wasn't much of a talker. But it was with Ryan that Kyle had shared everything that happened during the time he had been taken away by Steve.

She couldn't believe that Ryan had just become her husband less than an hour ago. He was the father of her children and now he was her husband. She had a huge surprise for him…for everyone that she had been holding in for the past week waiting for the right moment to tell him and then to tell everyone else.

After watching Ryan and Kyle for awhile she searched for Claire. Claire was sitting at a table talking with Summer. Taylor was about to approach them when she decided to just watch. Claire's hands were talking for her as Summer laughed along with her. Summer had done fairly well the past year. She missed Eva more and more every day but she knew as well as anyone that she still had to go on for her other children. She got through it with Taylor's help more than anything. The two of them bonded more for sharing as terrible a experience as losing their children. You could also tell that Summer had lost a little something in her but Taylor knew that when Gavin had died she had lost something in her as well.

Taylor then looked over at Noah who was sitting down cross-legged playing with Seth and Summer's twins, Robert and Kayla. Taylor giggled when Robert accidentally popped Noah in the head with the plastic shovel in his hand. Kayla was giggling uncontrollably as a small trickle of blood ran down Noah's head. It reminded Taylor of Claire's 5th birthday party. Then she remembered that Claire's 5th birthday party was also the day she had come back into Ryan's life. That day had pretty much changed her whole life. Next month would be Claire's 7th birthday. They were going to be taking their small family to Disney World or at least that was the plan but Taylor wasn't sure now if Ryan would let her go.

Sandy and Kirsten were the next on her agenda to observe. They still looked so much in love and Taylor could only wish that she and Ryan would feel that much in love once they were old and grey. She could imagine the two of them sitting on the front porch of their home in rocking chairs watching their many grandkids run around in the front yard. She couldn't wait but for now this was enough just watching her family in front of her like this.

Taylor felt someone's arms around her waist. She was startled at first but she instantly melted into the body of the man standing behind her. "Hi, Mrs. Atwood." He whispered into her ear. His voice sent shivers down her entire body. Taylor grinned and leaned her head back against shoulder as he held her.

"Mrs. Atwood…Has a ring to it don't you think?" She spoke up.

"I do. I think it fits you perfectly." He kissed down the side of her neck.

"Oh really? Well then I can protest with that." She giggled.

"Good. How about we get out of here?" He said removing his lips from her neck.

"We can't…all these people are here…" She tried but he had already taken her hand and pulled her through the back yard.

"This isn't their wedding. It's ours. I'm happy they came but I don't want to be with them. I want to be with you." He pulled her into the closest room he could which happened to be the bathroom. At least it was a large bathroom. He locked the door and pushed her up against it. "I love you."

"I love you too."

-

"Wait, Ryan." Taylor pulled on his jacket to bring him back into the house before they went back out to the reception that they had missed half an hour of already. "I need to tell you something."

"What?" He asked a little confused.

"Well…remembered that night four months ago…in the bathroom….?" She was nervous.

"Taylor, baby. We spend a lot of time in the bathroom…" He scratched the back of his head.

"I know that but just…that night I guess something happened and well…I'm pregnant." She wasn't sure what he would say about it. Amelie was only a year old, she wasn't sure if he was ready for another baby just yet. Her worries were put down when she saw the grin on his face.

"We're going to have another baby?" He pulled her into his arms. She nodded and he kissed her lips passionately. "We're having another baby…" He broke away still grinning.

"So you're okay with it?" She was finally able to ask.

"I'm more than okay with it." He kissed the tip of her nose before taking her hand and pulling her through the back door of the Cohen's house.

"We have news!" Ryan announced over everyone's talking. He gripped Taylor's hand tightly looked out at the crowd of their family and friends that were there just for the two of them.

"What kind of news?" Summer asked once everyone in the back yard was quiet.

"Well…we're having another baby!" Taylor said excitedly. Everyone burst out in congratulations for the couple on their fourth child. Taylor couldn't believe this was her life. This was so much more than she had imagined the night she had come to see Ryan on Claire's birthday.

"So, are you happy I stopped by unexpectedly at Claire's 5th birthday party?" Taylor asked kissing her husband on the lips after everyone had gone back to doing their own thing.

"You bet…I can't believe I was mad at Summer for inviting you." He rubbed the back of his head.

"Yeah…well we should probably thank her for that."

"We should. Later. Now I think we should go back into that bathroom."

-

_**Seven Months Later**_

"It's a boy!" Ryan yelled into the waiting room where his family was all waiting for him to tell them the news of their newest addition. "And a girl!" He ended. He and Taylor had both decided to keep the news of the twins under wraps. They wanted it to be a surprise to everyone but their kids who were all informed the day that they found out about the twins.

"Wait!? Did you say a boy and girl?" Summer Cohen jumped up out of her chair holding on to her large stomach. Baby number 6 lived in there.

"Twins." He nodded smiling.

"Twins?" Seth said back. Ryan just laughed at his family. They hadn't been expecting this. Ryan hadn't really either. He was scared but excited at the same time. This was going to be a long journey but he knew he wouldn't want to make it with anyone other than Taylor Atwood.

He couldn't believe how far he had come from that kid who moved into with the Cohen's. He couldn't believe that he had ever trusted any one again after everything that had happened to him. But he did trust someone again and it was the best thing he'd ever done in his entire life.

Almost three years ago he was scared to death for what his life was going to bring him with Taylor back. He tried so hard to not fall for her. He tried to not even except her into his life. That night he had sex with her had changed everything. But it changed everything in a good way.

He knew he would never forget his life he had with Sadie or the fact that she was the real mother to his oldest children. He'd still take them to see her on their special days. He'd make sure they knew she was a great woman even if she didn't live long enough.

Ryan ran his hand through his hair. He looked at his tired wife as she held two sleeping babies in her arms. The boy on the right and the girl on the left.

This was his life and he really hadn't imagined it being like this. "I love you." He told his wife.

"I love you too." Taylor grinned at him.

"I think I just fell in love again." He told her honestly.

"Me too." She whispered glancing at the two sleeping forms.


End file.
